imagines | shawn mendes

despise

"emilia, i really don't want to go if he'll be there." you sighed, hoping your friend would finally drop the topic.

"so you will let shawn control your life now? come on, you've been dying to see daniel caesar live for years now! you can't let him ruin that." she argued as she threw a piece of clothing to you.

she was right. as much as you wanted to avoid seeing shawn you wanted to go to a concert if daniel caesar for forever.

"fine. but you have to promise me that we'll not stand right next to him the whole time!" you gave in, earning a squeal from emilia.

"promise! let's get ready." she told you.

two hours later and you were walking through the slowly filling venue. the room was loud as some music played in the back and everyone gathered around their group of people.

"there they are." emilia spoke into your ear and pointed at a small group of people. you immediately recognized your friends and smiled.

"y/n! emilia!" brian greeted the two of you with a hug. he then handed each of you a cup of beer.

"hi brian! how are ya?" emilia asked.

"i'm great and you?" he replied and the two of them slowly sunk into a conversation.

you clutched your hands around your cup before you took a sip.

"i'm thirsty!" you heard a high pitched voice say but didn't pay much more attention to it.

not until you felt a strong hand wrap around your cup and take it out of your hands. you furrowed your eyebrows and turned around to see the person you wanted to see the least.

"what the hell, shawn? this is mine." you pointed to the cup.

"sorry, she needs it." he replied dryly before turning around to the girl that was wrapped in his embrace.

you scoffed, "you're unbelievable, you know that? the concert hasn't even started yet and you're already making it miserable!"

"i'm not doing anything! you're just a little too obsessed with me, i think." shawn shot back.

"what? how am i-"

"shawn just give her her drink back." brian sighed from the side, clearly having heard the whole conversation.

"save it. i was gonna leave anyway." you said before you took a turn and went straight to the bathroom, holding back tears.

you heavily breathed as you tried to calm yourself down. you didn't want to lose a single other year over that boy and let him ruin such a special evening.

you hovered over the sink and pulled yourself together as someone entered the restroom.

"brian told me to apologize. so i guess i'm sorry." shawn's voice caused you to flinch a little.

as you looked up to him you saw that he wasn't a bit sorry, his hands in his pockets and a look of annoyance plastered on his face.

"you know what shawn? fuck off. seriously, just leave me alone and let me be." you said, your voice cracking a little.

"my god you're so fucking complicated! you want be to apologize? fine, i did and now it's still not enough? i don't know what you want from me or why you hate me so much and i honestly don't care, just stop being such a child!" he exclaimed, his hand wandering through his hair.

"you're not apologizing! you came her to throw a shitty 'sorry' that you didn't meant at all and now you are humiliating me again. this is no apology. just go back to your girlfriend and leave me alone."

"she's not my girlfriend." he told you with an eye roll.

"cool, i don't care who she is. just go!" you raised your voice. you really wanted him to go because you felt the tears lining up in your eyes and didn't want shawn to see you cry over him.

"what have i done to you, y/n? what could i possibly have done for you to hate me this much?" he asked. you could almost hear a pinch of softness in his voice.

"don't act like you care now. and don't act like you don't hate me, too. i'm not the bad guy here." you told him.

"but i am? this is bulshit and you know it. just tell me what i did!"

"oh my god," you slowly realized. "you really don't know."

"if i would i wouldn't be standing here, would i?" he said.

"how can someone be so selfish that they don't realize how much they're hurting people? how can you be so... so mean?" you sniffled.

"you're just twisting everything i did! you need so much attention that you tell everyone what a bar person i am. this isn't fair!" he exclaimed.

"was i also twisting the fact that you went out with multiple girls when you'd just told me you wanted a relationship with me? was i also twisting the fact that you called me names when i tried to move on? was i also twisting the fact that you made out with someone and took her home on purpose right before my eyes even though you knew i had feelings for you?" you yelled at him as your feelings took over your body.

"i wasn't seeing anyone when we were seeing each other! what the fuck are you talking about?" he shook his head.

"i literally saw you on a date, shawn! stop lying to me!"

"that was after you told me that you needed time to think! i knew that you were ending things!" he argued.

"i just wanted to think! i was never planning on ending things! but as soon as i didn't do what you wanted me to do you dropped me and went back to your old habits and picked up the next girl you could get." you said in disappointment.

"this was years ago, y/n! you could've talked to me." he said.

you huffed, "oh yeah? whenever i saw you, you would rub into my face how much fun you had without me and made it clear how much you despised me! you didn't even say hello to me earlier! instead you treated me like trash whenever you could."

"i was hurt! you took something from my pride when you dumped me. don't think i don't know that you went out with that guy just a week after our last fight. you hurt me and i wanted revenge in some way." he told you but it only made your anger increase.

"this is your excuse? you were jealous and treated me like shit because i went out with another guy? we are adults, shawn! we talk about those things! this literally destroyed our friendship."

"this isn't just all my fault! i made mistakes but i thought you were just playing with me!" he raised his voice.

"you're right, this wasn't all your fault. but i'm so tired of letting this ruin my life. i will go now and have a great night, watching the artist i absolutely adore and have fun. you do you, shawn. goodbye." you said, passing his tall figure in your way out of the restroom.

"y/n, wait! can we talk about this again? tomorrow maybe?" he grabbed your arm as his eyes burned into yours.

"i don't think that will change much. we need to let go." you told him, freeing yourself from his grip and exiting the restroom.

as much as your heart ached, you needed that closure. shawn and you were never meant to be. your love was meant to burn down and leave a mess behind. thankfully you could finally start to clean that mess up now.