Even the prettiest flowers wilt away

10:27 am, Sept. 5

Connor stormed once again out of the room that Evan was in. He ignored the pleads coming from his mouth, all he could focus on was the letter in his hand. Sure, liking Zoe made sense, everyone liked her, compared to him, anyone would choose her. What he didn't like was...he didn't know. It just felt wrong since he was meant to with him! Not his sister! He continued to storm out of the building, suddenly fueled with rage. He ran through the parking lot, over the wired gate since the opening where the cars went through would inconveniently make him turn, and he was too focused on where he was going to turn unless necessary. It was like he was a machine, his veins filled with gasoline, his brain a memory chip. It was like he was programmed for one thing and one thing only. It reminded him of when he heard about that entire highschool that got controlled by a super computer, what was it called, "SQUIP, or was it SQUIB?" He couldn't remember, and didn't care, but he felt like that, like he was programmed to go to one place and one place only, and believe him, it wasn't home.

After a few miles, his legs now feeling like jello, he made it to where he wanted to be. The old sign that read ,"STAY OUT!" In all caps, was so faded from weathering that it was almost unreadable. Still, ignoring the sign, as he always had, and always will, he stepped over the picket fence, his long legs so tired that he was barely able to get over the fence he usually could easily leap over. It had taken him an hour or two to get there, so it was around noon, the sun beaming down on him. He felt hot and sweaty, his black hoodie sticking to his skin. He used the hair tie he always wore on his wrist (Let's be honest, anyone with long hair and wears it down needs to have one at all times) and tied his hair into a messy bun, dark strands still in his face. He rolled up the sleeves of his hoodie and with one long stride, he finally collapsed in front of one of the oaks, resting his head on the base. (He somehow did not hit it against the tree) he looked up, the sun filtered through the leaves, like a kaleidoscope of bright greens. The shadows on the untended grass danced with the slight breeze moving the branches. He smiled slightly, feeling a sense of calmness he never felt at home.

He had completely forgotten about the letter until he stuck his hand into his hoodie pocket wanting to get out his phone and listen to Panic at the Disco, Melanie Martinez, or My Chemical Romance, and felt a crumpled piece of paper. He pulled it out, wondering whether to throw it away, or finish reading it. After about a minute of just staring at the crumpled ball, his curiosity got the best of him. He opened it carefully, trying not to damage it more than it had already been damaged. He read it over,

Dear Evan Hansen,
It turns out that today was not an amazing day after all, this isn't going to be an amazing week, or an amazing year. Because, why would it be?

Connor stayed silent. He definitely understood that, he hadn't had a good day in a very long time, he read on, to the part that filled him with mixed emotions.

Oh, I know! Because there's Zoe! And all my hope is pinned on Zoe, who I don't know and who doesn't know me. But maybe if I did, maybe if I could talk to her, really talk to her,

That's as far as he got last time.

Nothing would be different...and even if I could she's not who I'm meant to be with, and I'm not who she's meant to be with.

Damn straight! Er-gay...

I wish everything was different. I wish I was part of something. I wish anything I said mattered, to anyone. I mean, would anyone even notice if I disappeared tomorrow?

Why did he connect to that so much? He knew exactly what that felt like, he wondered the same question everyday, if he just died, if he left this unapproving world (we died to hide our gay, forbidden love from an unapproving world) would anyone notice, or even care. He continued reading the final part of the letter.

Oh yeah, my soulmate! Yes, this person I've never even met will surely miss me! God, who am I kidding, I shouldn't have even been born, whoever my soulmate is, they deserve so much better.

Sincerely, your dearest and best friend,

Me.

Connor just stared at the paper, he and Evan didn't know each other... At all. Connor was just that guy who always went, "hello, world, I'm pissed!" He had made Evan cry, he had shoved him and left him on the ground, wailing for him to come back. Connor didn't love Evan any more than Evan loved Connor. There wasn't any spark when they met, no, WOW *sparkle sparkle*. All they did was have one okay conversation. And that was before Connor yelled at him and left in an angry fit.

Connor folded the piece of paper and shoved it back into his pocket. Finally taking out his cracked phone and new air pods, (rich boi) he clicked shuffle on his playlist, Freeze your Brain, from Heathers. (Musical-ception)
He really vibed with JD, despite the whole being (dead) psycho thing. Though, almost everyone he knew considered him as that. Before he knew it, he was belting along,
"FREEZE YOUR BRAIN! Suck on that straw, get lost in the PAIN! Happiness comes when everything numbs, who needs COCAINE?!" He was sure that if anyone saw him, they'd consider him a freak, eh, that was normal. (Me when I'm taking a shower LOL) as he continued, he dozed off, air pods still plugged in, the volume all the way up.

(Hello! 17 views! Now, that may seem sad, but that makes me happy! When I tried to find this story myself, it was difficult(I mean without just going through my profile) oh yeah, and we have 1020 words this part, that's pretty good, I was thinking about having Connor listen to Melanie Martinez cause' that's a head canon of mine, that or Halsey. But in the end, after listening to hours of musicals while writing this, I went with freeze your brain, I hoped you liked it! Dang, I added a hundred more words)