Even the prettiest flowers wilt away

7:04 am, Sept. 5

     Evan sat in his chair, biting his nails raw out of habit, not even noticing he was doing. He watched one of the fluorescent lights flicker in and out. He didn't know what to do, he knew he should be paying attention to the teacher, but he was out of it. He didn't how he felt. Even if he knew he'd hate himself when it was time for presentations, but, didn't he hate himself everyday anyways. After a while, the class ended. The next class would begin in about 4 minutes. Which meant that about 2 and half minutes of searching for the invisible folder or the imaginary lunch box. He wasn't confident enough to just hang around.

     Now, Evan didn't really pay attention to any of his other classes until lunch. (the best class) Even if he did want to. Everything had been fine, Alana Beck, the girl who had been in pre-calc had asked him about his summer and told him about her dead grandma, which was...fine. He had tried to ask her to sign his cast, but it didn't work. Jared, his only frie-family friend, had had a very awkward conversation with him. In which Evan wanted to die. The day had been okay, until a certain incident with the dark, mysterious Connor Murphy. Connor rarely ever went to school, he always wore black, and Evan had had him in his class only once. It was during first or second grade, and they didn't even interact much that year. Once they hit high school, no one really talked about him, or even looked at him. Whether out of fear of pure forgetfulness, Evan didn't know.

     Anyways, where was he, oh yeah! Lunch! He walked into the cafeteria, staring at his shoes as he made it to the lunch line. Somehow ending up right next to Jared. He leaned against the wall, watching as people passed. It was alright until mister king of darkness himself walked right in between them. Jared whispered to Evan underneath his breath,
"love the new hair length, very school shooter chic." Connor spun on the heels of his old army boots, the very floor seemed to quiver underneath him. He stared at the short boy, Jared, not Evan, Evan was slightly!y taller. Jared seemed to shrink under the taller boy.
"I was kidding, it was a joke..." Connor replied, his face completely deadpanned, "Yeah, no, it was funny. I'm laughing, can't you tell? Am I not laughing hard enough for you." He stepped closer to Jared, staring him down. Jared's facade had entirely disappeared, he began to laugh nervously.
"You're such a freak..." Jared end proceeded to leave the conversation, walking backwards, no food on his tray. (And that's when he whipped and nae naed out of my life) Connor faced Evan, and Evan, being the idiot he was, began to laugh uncomfortably.
"What the fuck are you laughing at?!"
"What-"
"Stop fucking laughing at me!"
"I'm not-"
"You think I'm a freak!"
"No, I don't-"
"I'm not the freak!"
"But I wasn't-"
"You're the fucking FREAK!"
 
    Connor shoved Evan to the ground, the feeling of hard tile hitting his back. God, it hurt. Evan, barely looking up, he watched as the taller boy stormed out. He steadily sat up, groaning in pain.
Geez, what did he do to deserve that. Short answer: he laughed at a guy who was getting made fun of. Maybe he deserved it? No, he didn't. All he did was get nervous. Still, it wasn't right. He got up and got some food, his back ached. He sat at an almost empty lunch table and ate. Once he was done, he waited, it would be weird if he stood up now. People only put up there trays at the last second, so, he would too, as not to bring anymore unwanted attention to himself. After that guy pushed him, people had begun to stare at him. Once he finally could put up his tray, he did, and walked to his next class.
      •••Time skip from an author who hasn't gone to high school and does not understand ANYTHING about it•••
      It was finally free period and Evan headed to the computer lab to print his letter for Dr. Sherman. After a quick phone call with his mother, he reread everything he had written and laughed, it sounded awkward and way too optimistic. Find his soulmate? Please, now he felt as if he didn't have one. He erased everything he had written and started over. No more lies.
     Dear, Evan Hansen
It turns out this wasn't an amazing day after all, this isn't going to be an amazing week or an amazing year. Because, why would it be?
Oh, I know, because there's Zoe! And all my hope is pinned on Zoe, who I don't know and who doesn't know me. But maybe if I did, maybe if I could talk to her, really talk to her, nothing would be different...and even if I could, she's not who I'm meant to be with, and I'm not who she's supposed to be with.
I wish everything was different. I wish I was part of something. I wish anything I said mattered, to anyone, I mean, would anybody even notice if i disappeared tomorrow?
Oh yeah, my soulmate! Yes, this person I have never even met will surely miss me! God, who am I kidding, I shouldn't have even been born, whoever my soulmate is, they deserve so much better. Sincerely, your closet and only friend,

Me.
    Finally, now that's the truth.

(Yay! 928 words! Still doesn't seem long, but that's just how I write. Also, A\N I wrote a lot of this on a google docs so that's how I'm able to upload so often. Even if I add at least 200 words onto each since what I wrote on the docs is only about 400-600 words each.)