The Other Us

Part 1: NYU- I Choose You!

You know how they say that Deja Vu is just you getting a glimpse of yourself in a different dimension in the time space continuum?

No?

Well, I don't believe in much, but what I do believe in, is that there are multiple Max Goodwins out there living past and future lives. For example, one of me may be a soldier in the American Revolution. Or another me may be a secret agent working with a secret operation branch of the government. Possibly I am a school teacher in the sunny state of California. Who knows?! But this Max Goodwin- me- I am just a young kid, stepping foot on what will be my new home for the next 8 years of my young adult life.

College!

NYU!!! What's up?!

I'll admit, when I was younger I wanted to be a musician or a cop. That changed very quickly after my twin sister Luna died of sepsis. We were only 8 and that day...it changed everything for me. I knew I wanted to be a doctor so I could save other sisters and brothers- mothers, fathers-everyone. My father always expected me to work in the Oil business like him. Making good money, doing hard work. I saw the strain it put on his body. True, he has his own company now and can relax and vacation where ever he wants- whenever he wants- but I firmly believe you can't buy happiness. Just like you aren't entitled to respect- that has to be earned. Sure, I had a cushy lifestyle growing up. Private school, rich friends- all of the shit that just didn't matter to me. While my friends were out drinking and getting high- having sex with cheerleaders and getting smarter students to do their homework: I kept honest. I worked two part time jobs and still got straight A's every semester. Do I regret not being a normal adolescent? No, not really. Do I regret being a loner for most of my life? A little bit. I never had a girlfriend. Hell, I never even kissed a girl. Sure, I went to dances with them and got close a few times to having a girl wrapped around my arm, but the bigger goal has always been college. Go to college, get your degree and then have a life full of romance, friends, and fun.

"Max? You can get out of the car- you know?" My dad says in his causal way as he reads over the pamphlet again. We had been sitting here for a while now and I gotta say- it's a lot more intimidating than it was when I visited it for orientation. This is going to be my home. Full of strangers. High demands. Everything I'm not used too.

"I know Dad...I was just taking a moment." He nods and sets the pamphlet down on the middle console of his Buick. My Mom said goodbye to me over the phone this morning. She and Aunt Chloe went on a sisters trip. Aunt Chloe just got her divorce from Uncle Fred and she isn't taking it well.

"Max, your mom wanted to be here. You know that."

"I know. It's not that."

Luna.

I always imagined she and I would take this journey together. She wanted to be the doctor. In a way, this is her dream...Maybe not so much mine.

"I know you miss her. We all do. But she's still with you, Max, she's here now. Watching over you, making sure you succeed, helping make the right decisions and have fun. Lunas here, Max." No one will ever understand what I feel constantly without Luna. I feel heavy and as if part of my soul is missing.  I feel like I'm stuck in a whirlpool and will never get out because Luna isn't there to extend her hand to me.

Drowning.

I'm always drowning.

"Dad, do you think it'll ever stop hurting?"

"Someday it will, Pal. But the only way to get there though, is to move forward." Looking out the car window at the tall brick building before me, I know this is what Luna would want.

"I guess I better get moving then." He gives me a side hug from the car and I get out. I brought two suitcases with me, my guitar, and a backpack. You don't need much when all you're going to be doing is work...that and home isn't too far away. The only reason I'm living on campus is because my parents thought it would teach me more independence. As if I'm not independent enough. "Bye Dad. I love you."