Walk Through Fog

Goodbye

"I'm sorry." I stared at him, that's all he had to say and somehow it worked, somehow I was running, not towards him, away. He was apologizing and he did nothing, it was my fault. I can't be with anyone. I was giving up, again, I have been chased my whole life and I was finally giving up on trying to love. was scared and didn't want to do it anymore, be in love. When was younger and running around the neighborhood and the house dressed in a princess costume, I never knew what was out in the world. I never knew that people could hurt you and make you feel like this. Here I am, on the sidewalk surrounded by tourists, not even noticing I was there. Just a normal day in New York I guess. When did life get like this? When in your life did you stop noticing anything in life, stop seeing the people around you? When did life stop being about the little things and the way someone saw you? You leave the house everyday thinking you look like shit and everyone will notice and you get out there and you feel alienated because no one sees you but one person. Shouldn't that be enough? For one person to see you, not worrying about what other people think about you? It should be, but what happens when that person doesn't see you anymore, you get mad sad, anxious, and you feel alone. This was my reaction and I got an apology and things got better, until the me inside escaped and I got scared. I didn't want to feel better, I wanted it to be the end, the end of this love. That's what you're supposed to do, fall in love, be happy, then ruin it, then go through it all over again. I should have done that and I have to. It's part of growing up, I guess that's where I went wrong. I grew up too fast and wish I could just go back and face the stupid ass things I did to grow up too fast. Sometimes I wish life was like the movies and books I read as a kid, just so a guy could chase me and see me. That's why I need to go back and see the people that effected me and made me who I am and didn't want me to grow up. I need to say goodbye and go see the people that love me and really see me, I need to go people that will always see me, "Andrea!" I turn and see him, "I see you. Forever and always."