Walk Through Fog

Look Around

A lot of the time people don't see what's really there. Maybe your best friend is laughing and smiling, but on the inside all she's doing is crying and hoping that the world would end. I wish all people saw what really was happening, what people really went through. Everybody has a different background and everyone has someone that once hurt them. Why don't people have respect for others then? Why can't people see that we all hurt? I stare out on the city and watch the world. Inside everyone's laughing and having fun, acting like people aren't suffering around them. I stand there on that balcony and see the world, the lights on the street, the fast moving car, I wonder if it can ever get worse. I wonder if other people think the same way I am now.

I'm out, at a party, one I don't want to be at, one I wish I never agreed to going to. My friend, Allie, asked-begged me to come with her, just one night. I was in the middle of writing a paper and she dragged me away and the whole time I was complaining. Then I realized it's exactly what I'm talking about, people don't look around to enjoy the little things, but I was doing the exact same thing. Complaining instead of looking at the scenery or through the skylight, looking at the stars, the only time you can in the city. Sometimes I wish people had the courage to say what ever they wanted, to just speak out and no one would criticize them, but that doesn't happen in real life. People don't stand up in front of the class and say that it's bullshit, even though we think it each fucking day.

One day I wish I could do that. I have never had the courage to though. I was the type that ran away or stayed locked up in her room. I was always the shy bookworm, but on the inside all I wanted to do was burst out and escape. Hoping no one would see as I did so. Suddenly as I'm standing there on the balcony a guys voice breaks through my thoughts, "Careful," He says it urgently like something terrible is about to happen. Then I realize that I'm half-way off the edge, it could have looked like I was about to jump. Who knows? I could have. "Oh." I stand back and look at him, trying to place where I might have known him. "Zach," He held out his hand for me to shake and I took it, whispering a small, "Hanna." He smiled and then leaned against the balcony looking me over. There wasn't much to see, my long brown hair that was a curly mess ran down my side and my small figure wasn't much. I wasn't wearing anything attractive either, skinny jeans, black tank-top, and a pair of white wedges.

"Where do I know you from?" I shrug at his question, I've been thinking the same thing about him. "Do you work at the bookstore downtown?" I nod as a smile forms on his lips. "I know you. I go in there at least once a week, have you worked there long?" Zach asks it with true curiousness in his voice and it almost gives me hope again about the world, about people seeing the truth. "Yeah. Actually, my parents own the store. I've worked there ever since I was thirteen." I said it confidently, which was a shock to me. He nodded, a slight smirk on his face, like he knew it already, but wanted me to say it. "You don't seem like much of a party girl. A bookworm more like it. Why are you here?"

"I could ask you the same question, why are you out here with me?" I smirked at him and leaned against the balcony myself, except facing towards the city as he was facing towards the door.

"I asked you first." He whispered it, right in my ear and I shiver ran down my spine. "I was dragged here by my friend." I whisper back, turning my face towards his, our lips millimeters apart. "I'm out here because of a gorgeous girl who was all by herself caught my and I kept wondering why no one else was out here trying to get to know the beautiful mystery before me." I chuckled at his response and he looked into my eyes, still so close that I could feel his breath. "What? Why was that funny?" Zach asked, sounding a little offended, but not pulling back. "I don't know, I just find it weird that I would be so interesting. I'm not even part of your friend group. Plus you came out here to hit on a girl. How were you so sure I would stay?" Zach moved even closer, whispering, "Because you are ravishing and not pulling back now." His lips touched mine and it was electrifying, it might have just been a kiss, but it felt like the most amazing one ever.

We pull apart after several minutes and I still didn't want to pull away. "Good reasoning." He chuckles at my response and pulls me closer, not kissing me, just holding me there, almost like he was scared I would jump away or run and never return. "You don't remember me." I send him a confused look and a raised eyebrow and he chuckles once again. "We met, briefly. AP class. High school." I must look even more confused then before because he chuckles again and continues, moving a hair behind my ear. "I went to your high school for a semester and I had the biggest crush on you. We talked for a class period, we were paired together and you were so quiet. Nothing like the other girls and I have always wanted to know more about you.

"When I saw you here at this party, all I wanted to do was talk to you. So I get the courage and come out here to see you almost jumping off the balcony." I smile at him and kiss his cheek. "I remember meeting you, but you looked quite different then, I like you with scruff much better." He chuckled before I continue, "I wasn't about to jump off, by the way. At least not intentionally, I was thinking about how no one saw what was really there. No one ever looked around to see the most beautiful things and how I always wanted to run away in high school. Life wasn't great there, huh?" He chuckled and pecked me on the lips before nodding, "Yeah, that's actually why I left. People kept calling me a nerd, because I had good grades and read a lot." I give him a look of disbelief, "Seriously? You're so hot, how could they not like you?" A smile is on my lips and he laughs in response, "Yeah, I guess I'm much hotter now than I was then."

I wanted to go back and wish it all away and redo high school, in the way where no bullies and no assholes, just life. I wish no one would be wanting to fuck with your life, it would've been so much better. I mean, it wasn't Mean Girls shit, but people are still rude and call people "gay" even though it isn't even a fucking insult! Everyone goes out and parties and wastes their money on worthless stuff when no one can see that people are living in poverty and hurt everyone's feelings because all they see is outcasts and themselves in other people and point their flaws out because really they're seeing their flaws. Zach must see all this running through my head because he lifts my chin and stares in into my eyes, "No one sees what's really there, right?" I nod and then he turns me to face the party so I was staring at all the people, "What do you see?" He whispers in my ear.

"What do I see?" He nodded against my head, kissing it and letting me think. "I see people having fun. Enjoying the moment. Having happiness coursing through them. Even with all the bad stuff in the world, or going through their lives, those people in their, all their dark pasts. They're having fun, they're smiling. They're seeing what's really there." I turn back around in his arms and smile up at him, "It's about time I do the same." I kiss him and enjoy my moment, not worrying about my past or someone elses. This is my moment and that's all that mattered. It was what I needed to really see.