Walk Through Fog

Snowflakes

     I wish every night on a certain star to see if I can become unique, to see if people will look at me differently. I guess I got my wish, just not in the way I wanted. I always thought you had to look different or be magical or this beautiful women that everyone would fall in love with was unique, a person everyone wanted to be, but that wouldn't be unique, would it? I didn't see that then, now I'm the girl that her mother looks at as something else, all the kids at school see me as something I never wanted to be. I got my wish though, people do look at me differently, just not in the way I want it to. My mom... she sees me as the girl that hurt her, that could never be her little girl anymore. I wanted to be different in a way like the movies, like a superhero, a witch, a mermaid. Those are just wishes kids make though, I was a kid not too long ago, but then the worst thing happened. Now I wish that no one would look at me at all, I want to be in the grave that I put my family and friends in. I killed them, my dad, brother, sister, and best friend. It was an accident I swear, but no one else sees it that way. We were fighting, my dad and I, we fought a lot, but never like this, it was bad. I try not to think about it but it worms it's way in and all I see is all the blood and my hand on the steering wheel, I don't even...   "Addie!" I run downstairs immediately as my mom calls me. I haven't left room a lot, only to eat, shower, and use the restroom, but I can't live in there forever, spring break would be over soon. We were supposed to go to Disney World, but Mom canceled it because it would only remind her that they aren't there with us. My younger sister, Erin wasn't too happy about it because her older brother and sister and Daddy are on another vacation. That's what Mom told, just letting her think they'll come back, but they never will because of me. I've appalled myself so much, I don't know if I can live with myself. I'm too different, I'm a terrible person and don't want to be alone anymore. I'm still living in the clouds and I will never float to find who I am, because I already know, I'm a murderer who no one will ever love again. My boy- ex-boyfriend sure thought so, the second he found out I was driving he never wanted to see me again. I just wish... I shouldn't be doing that though, wishing. It ended up badly last time. Dinner was awkward just like it always was, Erin tried to talk to us and it was adorable when she made up stories to make her happy, but Mom just continued to drink and not think about either of us which is why it surprised me when she spoke up.

"You're going out tomorrow with some of your friends and a boy you haven't met yet." I look at her confused sense my friends stopped talking to me after they found out.

"Why would they do that if they hate me?" I stare at her as she glares at me.

"Because I asked them to and they need to get you back to your old self so I don't have to see you around here anymore, got it? You're going, understood?" I nod even though I don't want to, but I guess I have to now, don't I? I spend that night hiding away in my room, dreading the day tomorrow, I just wish... never mind I can't wish anymore. I'm too different for that, I'm the odd one out of everything. I guess this does help me remember my dad in a the best way possible, a time we weren't fighting. He would say that were all snowflakes, we all looked the same from a distance, but as you met each person, just like snowflakes. They look the same from far away but as you get closer you see that they are all unique in a different pattern to make them beautiful. He used to say that I was a perfect example of that, I was his little snowflake and I had to ruin it.

We weren't even fighting over something reasonable, it was about my drivers license sense I didn't even have mine yet, that's the worst part, they died because I wasn't listening to Dad explain to me how to turn left on a four-way stop. I just want to go back in time and never yell at him accusing him of yelling at me. I was an idiot and never the snowflake he wanted me to be. That's how I fell asleep with that last thought, I know that because I find myself waking up to Erin jumping on my bed, trying to get me to get up. I do, but I don't really notice that I do, sometimes I blank out in thought and never notice what I'm doing because somehow I find myself outside the mall waiting for my "friends" I don't they'll show up, or they will then ditch me. They do show up though, with a guy named Daniel or something like that. We say quick hellos and act all nice, but soon they do ditch me as we're getting some food. So I start to leave, but someone touches my shoulder.

"Where're you going?" I turn to Daniel and he smiles at me like I deserve to be noticed, but I don't, I'm not worth anything, I don't deserve anything. I might be undermining myself, but I feel like a murderer, I know I didn't mean to kill them, but it doesn't change the fact that I did it, "Home. No one here wants to see me." He looked perplexed, like I was crazy for not seeing something so obvious. "I want to see you." I start to walk away after that lie, but he turns me around again. "Why would you want to see me?" He chuckles at something, but I don't really get how that was funny at all, "Your dad used to give speeches at the High School, right?" I nod, about to open my mouth, but he cuts me off, "He used to tell us after every speech 'to be snowflakes, always be different.'" I must look astounded because he smiles and continues, "I didn't understand so I talked to him afterwards about it and he explained to me how he called you his little snowflake, but you didn't see yourself as one, you didn't see yourself as any different as anyone else." I nod afraid of what might come next, "Daniel, I am different though, I killed my whole family." He looks like he wants to slap me.

"No you didn't and anyone that thinks you didn't is crazy for thinking that. You aren't different in that way though, you're different in the most beautiful ways. So now you can be my Snowflake."