After Ever After

2. The Spy

"In for three, out for three" chanted your phone, the voice punctuated with what you thought sounded like massage therapy music.

You did as the voice instructed, studying the patch test's critically, wondering if you'd prefer a slightly darker shade or if the lighter shade worked better. Your musing was interrupted when your phone began to ring, the obnoxious ringtone Tom had chosen for himself blaring loudly as the phone vibrated on the dresser. You fumbled to pick it up, hitting answer and trying to shut off the app.

"Hello? Oh come on!" you groaned as the phone froze.

"Hey...what the hell are you listening to?" Tom laughed.

"Nothing!" you replied as the voice started to chant affirmations. "Fucking hell" you muttered as the phone finally opened the app, cheeks flushing red as the voice chanted 'You're a goddess'.

"Have you joined a cult?" Tom asked, chuckling as you viciously hit pause.

"It's not a cult, it's nothing" you huffed, unexpectedly flustered. "What's up? I thought you would be busy on set?"

"Yeah, but I wanted to check that you're okay and seeing as you're joining a cult I'm glad I called!"

"One I'm fine, two it's not a cult!" you snapped defensively, walking over to close the door.

"Okay, it may not be a cult but it sounds cult-y"

"It's nothing, really"

"You know repeating that doesn't make me think it's nothing"

"Well it is...nothing" you said lamely.

"Why won't you tell me?"

"Cos you'll make fun of me"

"No I won't"

"You already have"

"Doll, on my life I won't make fun of you"

You sighed heavily, deciding to get it over with. "It's a hypnobirthing app..." you mumbled, voice low.

"A what? I can't hear you"

"It's a hypnobirthing app!" you said loudly, glad you'd shut the door.

"Yeah, I have no idea what that is doll"

"I don't know how to explain it without sounding like even more of a fruit loop" you muttered, rolling your eyes. "Um, okay, you know how yoga's about breath and meditation?"

"Yeah?"

"Okay, it's kinda like that but for birth. It's supposed to help manage labour pain"

"Is it working?"

"Hard to say, haven't had the kid yet have I"

"I meant do you think it will work"

"I don't know" you sighed. "It seems kinda hokey to me, but Dot's friend swears by it so I thought I'd give it a try, even if I have to listen to some wanker tell me I'm some goddess of the moon or whatever crap it says". Tom laughed and though you were still embarrassed about the whole thing, you felt better talking to him about it, hippie dippie feelings and all. "Plus, given my track record, I'd really rather not have any more needles than totally necessary"

"Yeah, I second the needle thing" he said. "Why'd you think I'd make fun of you?"

"I don't know...because I feel weird about it. Some of the affirmations are SO cringey!! And it's sort of..." you trailed off, wanting a better word than 'cult-y'.

"Cult-y?" Tom offered, voice dripping with smarmy cheek.

"Fine. It's a little cult-y. And I didn't think you'd go for it"