ah, today.
where do i begin with today.
bittersweet feelings.
we went to the lake today. i spent most of the time sitting on the cliffs and skippin rocks.
my brother laughed at me every time i messed up.
hey. it wasn't me. it was the rocks.
maybe they were rigged 'cause i know for sure i'm great at skippin' some rocks.
i felt at peace for the most part.
but the thought of going back to my phone and others, didn't make me feel so great.
all i missed from it was music and my boy.
i sure did think about him a lot earlier.
anyways, on the ride home it was just my mom and i.
"want to go visit my friend?"
i was quite confused. until i see where she had pointed.
a sign that read out 'cemetery'.
i knew where this was going.
i was content.
we were going to visit her first love. he took his own life away.
my mom always tells me about him.
the stories she'd tell me about them being together.
it makes me feel something.
the way she'd describe him being such a beautiful person yet so damaged and dark.
she'd smile while speaking of him.
but from the look in her eyes, and the way they would wonder off to the distance,
i know it gets to her.
she misses him.
the graveyard was beautiful. his headstone was beautiful.
i felt so calm.
my mom had dusted off both his and his mother's stones.
it really made me feel some way.
god, i have so many things up inside .
i would love to talk about it.
i have all these emotions and thoughts.
i want to share.
but i share them with the wrong people.
nobody seems to see thibgs the way i do.
or feel things the way i do.
think what i think.
nobody cares enough to listen.
but that's okay.
i'll just keep writing.
maybe just having myself will be okay.
or maybe someone else out there likes to discuss intense feelings and deep thoughts just as much as i do.
i don't write just to do it.
i write for myself.
if you don't want to read it that's alright.
this isn't for you anyways.
i do this for myself.
but just know , i appreciate those who genuinely wants to know me.
