i felt okay today.
not happy, not sad, but okay.
it was so peaceful.
this morning it was raining hardly.
i stood in my aunts carport and watched it while i was listening to pink floyd !!!
it just consisted of me skipping around the car port and spinning around happily.
it felt amazing to be off my socials for awhile.
it feels like a chore to answer and reply to people or constantly post.
i didn't have to worry about anybody today.
except at my sisters graduation party at her house.
i didn't feel comfortable.
many conservatives.
on top of that it was super hot.
it wasn't long before my anxiety kicked in and i clung to my mom most of the time.
i ate some cake called sex on a pan.
the name made much sense
that shit was good
but we left shortly after that.
i'm really gonna miss my sister when she leaves .
i went back to my aunts house and got my cousin to help blow my tire on my bike .
now if you really want to see a real smile on my face,
just watch me with my bike.
music, and my bike.
it's like therapy for me.
i road up and down the roads for a bit. the wind felt great. it was a lovely way to watch the sunset too.
it was yellow and pink this time.
my favorites are the orangey-red ones.
but this one was pretty too.
i wanted to pick the yellow flowers that were in the bushes but i had nobody to give them to.
well- now i as i'm typing this i totally just remembered i could've gave them to my mom.
i would give them to marcus if i could.
but i just know later on tonight, my hearts gonna ache.
it always does.
all my days end with me laying in bed with my heart hurting, staring at the ceiling.
