theres a very,very, intense melancholic feeling within me.
it's too much.
way too much.
during the day, all i can do is act foolish for my own entertainment. i have so much to distract me. friends, my dearest cat. books. anything.
but at night, i cant escape anything.
i want nothing more than to just die.
the overwhelming thoughts.
the heart aches that make my chest feel like it's sinking.
feeling sick to my stomach.
crying so hard i can't breathe and i gasp for air and my eyes become
sore.
all i think about is dying.
just dying.
so i don't have to feel this way anymore.
all i have to do is chug the antidepressants and it will all be over.
if i has the courage to go deeper than i usually do, i would.
it will all be over.
if i go longer without eating,
it will all be over.
i cant stay here anymore. the world has gone to shit and the people around me cause me so much pain.
god.
i hate you.
i truly hate you sometimes.
you think i'm so dumb and oblivious.
but i'm not.
i KNOW things.
and for you to sit there and tell me these things when i know what it is, HURTS me. it's not my fucking fault, okay?
i cant control my feelings.
i feel so fucking horrible.
it causes me to hate myself.
oh, to be passed out or possibly dead, somewhere in an abandoned parking lot.
or to just be at peace in my bed.
sleeping quietly. but never waking up.
i am tired of being strong for you people.
i don't get anything in return.
if only you knew how i felt.
how much i cry.
how much i want to take myself out of here.
