"kacchan"

sacrifice

kirishima POV

i kept thinking about today's afternoon like a tape on replay.

i laid down on my bed in my dorm, and stared at the ceiling, as i thought about katsuki's words after i kissed him.

"kirishima... i like you."
"do you... m-maybe wanna date me...?" he mumbled nervously.

the thought of being katsuki's boyfriend feels like a dream...

but it's selfish.
if i were to date katsuki, that would make me a weight on him.
i would just be another person in his life that he has to worry for.
he tells me i'm not a burden, but i know it's not true.

i slide my sleeves up to reveal old cuts and scars.
it's a miracle that i've gone this long without a blade to my skin, but this time i give in.
i grab my pocket knife and slide it across my arm, as blood seeps out from the line.
tears well up in my eyes when i think about the answer i gave him.

"sorry katsuki, but i don't want to date you."

i take my shaky legs over to the mirror and fall to my knees, staring at my weak reflection in defeat.

he looked so hurt...
but it's for the best.

my wrists were now stained red, the same colour as my eyes.

oh well...
he probably only asked me out of pity.

i realise that he will never speak to me again.
i'll never get to see his cute face he only showed me.
i'll never be able to hold him in my arms again.

"oh... well..." i whisper,
heavy tears falling from my eyes.
my hand shakes, taking another deep cut into my flesh.
my vision goes blurry from the tears.

all i ever want is for katsuki to be happy, even if it means i sacrifice my own happiness.

"oh... well." i repeat, cutting down my arm until there's no room for any more.
he'll find someone else that can actually make him happy.

blood pours down my arm, onto the floor as the tips of my fingers and feet go numb.

"f-fuck..." i groan, trying to stand.

my legs shake, but they start to get cold to the point they can't hold the weight of my body anymore.
i collapse, hitting my head on the bed frame. the last thing i see is my pale face in the mirror as i slowly feel like i'm drifting away.

bakugo POV

unending tears flood from my eyes, dripping down my elbows as i sob into my hands.
i was convinced kirishima felt the same...
i guess he was doing all this for me out of pity.

of course.
who could love such a disgusting person who killed their friend?
who could love an idiot that can't control their own thoughts?
god what the fuck was i thinking. 
i roll around in my bed, overthinking about what will happen between us now.

we'll never talk again.
i'll never feel the warmth in my heart when i hold him again.
i'll never be happy. 

i take my face out from my hands, and stare at my reflection in disappointment.
this feels so wrong...

i let the sadness boil into anger inside me, as i yell and throw explosions into the walls.

that's right...
i'm not a guy that cries over everything.
it's only been like this since deku died and it's just become a habit.

i pant, nitroglycerin dripping down my palms.
i smirk.
the real bakugo katsuki doesn't give up here.

                              ———————

this is the third time i've knocked on kirishima's door.
there's nothing but silence. 

is he fucking ignoring me?

"i know you're in there, open up." i say, still pounding on the door.

i look down and twist the doorknob,
which to my surprise was unlocked.

"i'm coming in, kirishima." i call, slowly creeping into his room.

after a few steps in, my legs jolt to a stop.

my heart thumps o n c e.
my hands shake, as i try to open my mouth to scream, but no sound would escape.

i was completely frozen to see kirishima on the floor,

in a pool of his own blood.

"k-kirishima...!?"