Confessions of a Killer

1 High Voltage

🎶My love will never Die(feat. Claire Wyndham) : AG 🎶

The pain comes in waves. Small fragments of memory flash like lightning through my psyche. Bits of the charred pieces of my life float by me. In an ocean I cannot escape. Can only float upright while doing my best to ride the tidal waves without drowning.

"Clear!"

The voices come through the fog muffled. Incandescent lighting allows my form to float through the room riding the waves of electricity. People litter the outskirts of my bed frame.

Falling back into the darkness, letting the pain overtake me.

I'd lost her.

The agony of it is astounding. The mere concept of living life without her is unbearable. She'd been my mate. My life. My love.

Her skin had smelled fresh. Clean. It reminded me of better days. Warm apple cider, the smell of fresh rain. The sound of children's laughter. All lost to me.

Because of my mistake. Because of my secret.

I had lost the only person who had ever meant anything to me in my entire life.

I'd lost her to him.

The anger is stifling. Hot. Oppressive. It fills me to the brim, overflowing out of my cup as it continued to fill me. It has no outlet. No place to go.

I cannot change the past. No matter how much I wish I could. Hindsight is 20/20.

Gods how I miss her. What I wouldn't give to see her ocean eyes staring back at me. That naughty smirk she'd get when she'd tease me.

Her absence in my life is so abundant it's a shadow that follows me wherever I go. I haven't gone far. Haven't really tried to rise from the bed since I felt my mark disappear. I felt their hate of me slip through the cracks of my consciousness as the last of me was overtaken.

I'd been hurt before. Never like this. This pain is visceral. Cutting through me like a knife now. I'm no longer floating in the ocean.

I'm on the surgeons table. Flayed open like so much spent meat.

Again.

Like I have been all my life.

I can feel his presence in the room. The sickly smell of him bringing bile up my throat as I choke on words that don't come.

You're supposed to take care of family. They're supposed to take care of you. I've always done my best. Always tried to keep the ones I love out of harms way. Even if it means sacrificing myself.

A memory surfaces. I've done terrible, awful things.

I'd sacrificed myself to save her. To save my sister. It had proven fruitless. I'd been the one to use the gun. I'd killed her.

There are no words for the remorse I feel. No way to express the insufferable agony I feel, having known what I've done.

Even if they had known the why of it. I'd never be forgiven.

I deserve to die.

"Clear!"

A fresh wave of electric charge pulses through me. They're trying to restart my heart again. Why?

Don't they know what I am?

Don't they know what I've done?

What I'll continue to do if I'm allowed to live?

I can't live without Charlotte. The time I was mated to her was the clearest I'd been in years. I'd finally known what it was like to feel normal. To feel.

It had broken my heart that she'd forgotten everything. Forgotten everyone.

She still doesn't even know who she is.

"Clear!"

They should really stop.

I don't want to come back.

I don't want to face her.

I don't want to have been the reason she cries late at night.

The reason she'd grown up with no one to love her.

My secrets keep folding over themselves. I'm tangled in the web of lies I've spun.

Am I truly to blame though? It was not me who was in charge.

No.

I won't be absolved from this. All of this was done by my hand there is no denying it.

Even if I want to.

And believe me I do.

The experiments had started when I was a child. The doctors around me had said it was for my own good. For my protection. Such complete and utter bologna.

The only things I can taste are the sweets. Ice cream is my favorite. The cold feels like me, in the inside, only warmer. Sweeter. It feels better than the acidic flavor of bile that always threatened to escape when we'd finish the 'treatments'.

The acid running through my veins makes it near impossible to feel anything other than pain. So I used cold to freeze it out. To make the world less red hot and to allow myself some respite.

I shouldn't have.

I should have just let the pain rake through me and eat up my insides that first time my father had held me down to the gurney, shoving the needle in my arm.

My brother never knew.

He still doesn't I'm sure.

I don't think he even knows that our father still l-!

"Clear!"

I blink. The harsh light of the hospital assaulting my senses as I take a gasp of air in. The pain is immense. The shock of it coursing through my body as I cry out. Writhing in torment as my mind begins to disassemble again.

Jumbled memories taking the backseat of the car as I do my best to hit the brake. It's no use though. The car is going at full speed and the brakes have been cut. There is no hope for me. There's no hope for anyone.

I can smell him. Standing at the end of my bed. Silver eyes shining down at me as he glowers. His presence brings with it the fear I've always known. The instinctive kind that our ancestors inherited when they sensed predators nearby.

My fight or flight response has been taken from me. I'm strapped down to another gurney. In another hospital. Just another day in my life.

"Killian. You have work to do."

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What do you think of Killian's Point of view? What do you think will happen to Char?