Confessions of a Killer

40 Arguments, Ceremonies, and Jasper

Charlotte:

We made it to the dining area in record time, throwing clothes on, and racing to meet with the rest of the Pack present. Since I've gone through 'the change' there have been several, well, 'changes' that have occurred to me. Five in fact, sharpening to inhuman levels that sometimes freak me the fuck out, with an innate sixth sense that allows me to speak to motherfucking plants. Oh, and I can turn into a Wolf. And a Komodo Dragon. Can't forget that little tidbit.

A fucking Dragon... though I've yet to turn into this supposedly harmless pet dog. Nothing seems to be happening the way it's supposed to with me though.

Starting with how I'd met Damien. The fact that I hadn't known that I had a beast hibernating in my DNA, waiting for some man, or beast man, in this case to come and liberate me. Stupid DNA not following my somewhat feminist views. Not the "rally with my tits hanging out with signs about puss power", more the "not living under a mans thumb as if the only reason women exist is to make muthafuckin' sandwiches".

That's how Maze describes my way of thinking at least, and I can't bring my self to disagree. I know women are capable of doing great things, and don't need a man to telling them so, or what to do. Unfortunately, as I'm coming to find out, Most shifter females don't fight, preferring to lay down and take it. Too submissive. I can't seem to help it though, I fight everything at every turn. I'm not very good at making sandwiches or cooking either. Give me a kitchen knife and I can skin a man six ways to Sunday, but cutting open the thanksgiving turkey isn't really my thing.

My life should have sarcastic slogans bannered across every document. Orphaned? Join a gang! Finally reach adulthood? Join the Army! Try to stay away from men and not be dickmatized? Fuck the entire unit! Unit dies? Become an assassin! Boss tell you to kill his brother? Fuck him! Mate with him! Said Mate makes you happy to the core and accepts every little thing you've ever done and wants you anyways? Well... fuck me- this self sabotage has to stop sometime, it's going to get me killed someday. You think a chick would fucking learn. Slogans be damned.

It's a bit of a blow to the ego to actually need someone in my life to acquire this level of personal power though. I remember reading somewhere that seeking total independence, and being uncomfortable with help of any kind is a sign of trauma. I think I could be the poster child for it, and yet the world just keeps chugging along like some fucked up version of Thomas and friends. Romans kids seemed to really like that show.

Nothing is normal, or as human as I thought it was. At this point if someone told me aliens were real I'd fucking believe them. The sheer amount of time that it's taken for Damien to completely own my life (and for some reason that's ok with me) has been a few short weeks. Hell, Damien and I had fought together and fucked together on the same night.

Wham bam thank you ma'am!

Then, one ruined Bambi towel later, I was naming his dick Thumper, and he was calling me "Mate".

It is as though my senses B.D.-(that means 'before Damien' for all you naughty people out there. He's not my Baby Daddy.((I wonder what he'd do if I call him Daddy??))) -were dull in comparison before him.

Everything was dull before him, only when Killian had marked me too, had things really blown up. For example, I never knew that emotions have a fucking scent. The ones eddying in the room Damien had whisked us away to, swirl like a tornado, a dizzying chaos that overwhelms my olfactory senses.

I don't remember the last time I've fought this way, or watched a screaming match happen. A battle of wills warring in emotional trenches through verbatim that scathed with no signs of a ceasefire. Fucking poetic shit right there.