All In

17

Chapter 17

"Mom," I smiled softly as I stood in the doorway of the hospital room, looking at my mom who was laying on the bed. She slowly turned and looked at me, a big smile on her face. 

"My sweet girl, come here," she laughed softly. I walked in, watching her use every ounce of energy she had left in her fragile body to move over, making space for me to come and sit down next to her. "How were the waves?" She smiled as I laughed softly, sitting down on the bed next to her, hugging her tightly as I laid my head on her shoulder. 

"They were dreamlike," I smiled, letting out a soft sigh as my mom ran her fingers through my knotted hair, gently separating the tangled strands as if it were a puzzle, careful not to hurt me. 

"You know I love you, right?" My mom said softly as I jumped, looking up into her eyes that were once the color of the water by in the reefs. 

They used to be bright blue, her energy making the colors in her iris dance like the school of fish that shimmer as the rays of sun catch them as they swim by. Now they were dark, much like the color of an angry sea, like the one before a storm. Her energy was harvested elsewhere. It was focused on keeping her physical body alive rather than keeping her spirit alive. 

"Of course," I gulped as my mom smiled, tears welling in her eyes as she pushed my hair out of my face. "You know I love you, right?" I sat up as my mom laughed, nodding her head. 

"Of course I do Beau," she smiled as she pulled me in and held me close to her. 

"Is there any room for me in this love fest?" My dad's loud belly laugh made my mom and I smile, the two of us sitting up and watching him walk over. 

"Of course old man," I giggled as my dad just smiled, messing up my hair before sitting down on my legs, making me laugh. 

"How did I get so lucky? I still don't understand how I deserve you two," my dad smiled, grabbing my hand in one hand and my mom's hand in the other. 

"The catch is, you don't deserve us," my mom winked as I giggled softly. "You just got lucky," my mom smirked as my dad laughed. 

"Beau,"

"Beau," Bryce's voice made me jump, sitting up and looking at him. 

"Where am I? What happened?" I gasped, nervously looking around the darkroom. 

"Beau, it's okay," Bryce, placed his hand on my shoulder as I jumped, looking into his eyes. 

"Where're my parents? They were just here-" 

"You were dreaming," Bryce stated bluntly as I felt my heart sink, my shoulders slumping as I looked at my hands that were in my lap. "

"Oh," I said softly, looking up at Bryce. He looked back at me with pitiful eyes. I could recognize these eyes because that how everyone's looked at me ever since I first lost my mom.

"I'm sorry," he said softly, quickly pulling me in for a hug. 

"You know what the hardest part is?" I sniffled, wiping the few tears that had fallen as I looked at Bryce. 

"What?" He tried to show compassion and love, but no amount of pure goodness could cover-up the pity he felt for me, even if on the inside I knew he really cared. 

"It's like, every time I start to feel happy, I feel guilty," I sighed as he looked at me strangely. 

"Explain," he said softly, grabbing my hands in his as he narrowly looked into my eyes as if the longer he looked into them, the sooner he'll find some sort of answer to a pending riddle. 

"I was just starting to feel loved. I felt like I was beginning to move on. I had begun to surf again, I found a sense of family in being here, I was being to live again. Then, it's like, I feel guilty for moving on," I gulped as Bryce nodded, trying to convince me with his eyes that he understood even though he clearly wasn't following my jumbled thoughts as clearly as I thought I was converying them. "After my mom passed, my dad and I never really talked about it, but you could tell that the two of us felt guilty. Guilty that it was her. Guilty that I was going to grow up without her, that we were going to do things without her. It took a while for us to return to normal, or I guess the new normal we made. But ever since my dad passed, I've felt that same guilt again and it's tearing me apart," I cried out, looking at Bryce with tears in my eyes. 

"Beau, you cannot feel guilty-"

"But I can!" I yelled, clearly taking Bryce aback. He closed his eyes, hanging his head as he just rubbed circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. "I'm the reason he's gone! It's my fault at the end of the day. Every time I try to move on, I can't help but think 'why me'? Why am I still here? I can think of hundreds of times that I could've died, but I'm still here-"

"You're here because there is some sort of plan for you!" Bryce yelled. I sat up, the tears halting. 

He yelled at me. 

For the first time since I lost my dad, someone yelled at me. He didn't baby me. He didn't coddle me or treat me as if I was a fragile thing, something that could break at any moment. He didn't tiptoe around me, careful of what he said and how he said it. He treated me normally. He was honest, even if it was a bit brutal. He never tried to hide me from the world, instead he showed me a new light, allowing me to see more than I ever had before. I was greatful for that. I loved it. 

The two of us just looked at each other. I could tell he was studying me to see if he did the right thing, and I was studying him to see what he'd do next. 

"Everything happens for a reason, Beau," he said calmly, making me relax. My tense shoulders fell as I followed his eyes with mine, watching him as he let out a soft breath before continuing, "my mom used to tell me that everything happens for a reason. One day all the pieces will all fall into place. Until the puzzle pieces begin to make sense, you need to smile through the pain, laugh through the confusion, and live for the moment," Bryce smiled softly, staring into my eyes. 

I sat there for a minute with a straight face. Then, for some unknowing reason, a big smile crept on my face. I threw my arms around Bryce's neck and kissed him as I'd never kissed anyone before. He laughed softly, smiling against my lips as he held me close to him. I giggled softly, leaning my forehead against his as I smiled at him, gazing into his dark eyes. 

"Everything happens for a reason, and I'm willing to give it my all," I smiled from ear to ear as he nodded. 

"Me too," he chuckled softly, sitting me up and sticking his pinky out. "I'm all in," he gulped as I just looked at his pinky strangely before looking up at him. 

"I'm all in," I sat up, interlocking my pinky with his as my smile still shined brighter than ever before. 

"To being all in," he laughed softly before gently placing his lips on mine, the reflection of the moon shining down on us through the glass of his balcony door.