star wars x reader (one-shots)

crying: (platonic) 501st

-you're a padawan in this one

Being a Jedi was everything to you. It wasn't like you had a choice to join the cult-like ways of the Order, but it was who you were and your only way of life. Despite being a keeper of peace, you were bred and raised to be a soldier as soon as you were deployed. You weren't a youngling anymore, you were a padawan.

And although you were always on the front lines with your master Anakin Skywalker, you could never get used to the screaming. The dying. The blood. And all the bodies of the men you lost. They were soldiers physically in their late teens and early twenties, sure, but in reality, they were children as much as you. You were only fifteen. The clones usually never made it past twelve or ten.

"We're clones. We're meant to be expendable."

That was the first thing you heard from a clone. He didn't think of himself as human. He only saw himself as a tool to be used. You were always known to be a compassionate and empathetic padawan, but today? More so than others. The casualties were at its highest and your Master knew.

The battle wasn't going to be won in a day or two because no one knew the enemy as well as they knew you. New terrain had set us up for failure while new weapons created by the Separatist left everyone surprised and staggering in retreat. You wished the war and bloodshed would just end, but it was a fact to everyone that this was only the beginning.

That night you couldn't sleep. How could you? The atmosphere was tense around your boys in blue and it rippled like a drop on the surface of a lake. You were well acquainted with the clones of the 501st now, but never had you actually tried talking to them. You were always too busy helping your master Anakin with his next bogus plan, or ordering the boys to do whatever crazy task Anakin had in mind.

You knew knowing them on a personal level would only make it harder on yourself.

You knew that, but somehow got the idea to sit by the fire with them. The crickets loudly chirped in the background as you sent a small wave to the boys gathered. The moon shone above while the stars broke through the clouds, allowing you to see the faces behind of your men.

"Hi." You were scared to talk to the boys and they seemed to realise that (being an introvert sucked). The first one to speak was the one you recognised as Rex. He offered a friendly wave as if to reassure you that you were welcome among them. "What are you doing up so late kid?" You shrugged and a silence fell over the group like a blanket. When it became so unbearably quiet, you forced yourself to speak. "I...I wanted to get to know you boys."

The one you recognised as the medic raised a brow. "'Get to know us'? Why?" he questioned. "We're just clones. Nothing special about us."

"Except our jokes maybe." a clone with a tattoo over his face chimed in.

"Shut up Jesse." another interjected. 'Jesse' elbowed his brother. "Why're you telling me to shut up? Why don't you shut up?"

"You're being mean."

"'Mean'? Really Fives? How old are you?"

"Eight."

You watched the exchange in great interest before shifting on the log you sat on. This wasn't something you'd seen before. Sure, some padawans had the occasional banter, but not to this extent. It was clear these boys were family, not friends or classmates. The fire crackled and popped.

"You may be clones, but that doesn't make you less than any other person." you bravely said. "And since I'll be working with you, I don't believe it a bad thing to get to know you."

"That won't be long." Dogma, you believed his name to be, said. "We grow up fast and die fast." Rex cast a subtle glare to Dogma. "Shut it, she's a kid."

"And so are you." you countered. Your voice came out in a numb monotone that scared both you and the clones. It was so flat yet filled with pain that you thought you'd begin to cry. What happened to you this week? Why did your heart hurt so much for these boys? You sensed the atmosphere drift further south. Maybe coming here was a bad idea after all.

"Hey, Kid." the one with the ponytail-man-bun said. "You alright?" You sensed his gentle worry and nodded. "Yeah," you lied, "I'm fine."

"That's an obvious lie." You looked at the clone who said that, a sad look in your eye. "What...what are your names?" you quietly questioned. Maybe you were trying to divert the subject, or maybe you were tired of saying 'this clone with the ____' or that 'guy over there'. You didn't know, but the medic seemed to understand and looked at you softly.

"I'm Kix. Those two are Fives and Echo, that one's Jesse, he's Tup, he's Dogma, and I'm sure you already know the Captain." You nodded to show your understanding. "Yeah."

"Hey, why'd you bunch us up like that?" Fives demanded. Kix grinned. "Because you two are a disaster duo." You smiled a little.

"You two are practically attached at the hip." Jesse chimed in. This seemed to gather a few smiles, helping to lift the dark atmosphere off everyone's shoulders. They all seemed so nice.

It would be a shame to see them die.

You stopped smiling. Your shoulders dropped and your expression fell. Rex took note of your swift mood swing. "Is something wrong Commander?" he questioned. The boys leaned forward, casting their soft glances towards you. Although they looked like adults, you could feel how young they truly were. That broke you.

Your eyes welled up with tears while your shoulders shook. It started off as one tear, then two, them three, and then a whole river. The boys were panicking. Why was their Commander crying? What did they do wrong?

"I-I'm s-sorry." you loudly sobbed. "I-I'm no-not su-supposed to c-cry, right?" You felt like you couldn't breathe. All the emotions you bottled up, all the pain and sadness you tried to suppress, it burst and you knew you couldn't stop it.

Kix was the first to react. He stood and took a seat by your side, rubbing your back and offering you comfort. When that didn't help, he hesitantly opened his arms for a hug. You shakily accepted, relishing in the comfort of this new action. This was the first time anyone had hugged you, and it felt great.

"I-it's not f-fair." you cried. Kix rubbed your back as the other boys gathered around. "What isn't?" Dogma questioned. You sniffled. "Everything. Y-you a-all deserve b-better." That moved every single one of the boys.

You deserve better.

They were used to being treated as property by the Kaminoans, or being spat on by citizens and shunned. Sure, Skywalker valued their lives, but never had they ever heard someone, much less a Jedi beside Skywalker, admit that they deserved better. Kix was suddenly crying with you. "You really believe that Kid?"

"Yeah." you muttered into his shoulder.

Kix cast a look to his brothers and motioned for them to join in a group hug. "I-I don't want a-anyone else to die." You knew it was childish, impossible even, but admitted it regardless. The boys looked really, really sad. "We can't promise you anything," Fives said, "but we can try. I for one don't plan on dying anytime soon."

There was a collective murmur of agreement.