Breathless

Chapter 2

I always thought "what if things were different". I craved for the alternative.

At the end of the day though, the past is the past and can not be changed.

School was tomorrow and i felt nauseous. I thought of all the eyes that will be on me and all the people who had tormented me. Especially him.

I looked myself up and down in the mirror and was disgusted. I hated that was how i reacted to myself.

I have changed completely and i still hate myself.

I was a lot chubbier, acne covered my face, i had braces, and glasses. I could name everything i hated about myself and honestly i still can.

I guess puberty hit hard. I became the, i guess "ideal".

Skinny, 5'4, dirty blonde hair. no acne, hazel eyes. Maybe its not the ideal blonde and blue eyes but its still something im sure some people crave for.

For some reason i continue to hate myself. For how i look, how i speak, how i smile, for how i cry, for how i interact, for anything and everything.

My heartbreaks more as i think to the cruel and horrible words said by the one i used to love and just complete strangers.

He knew my insecurities, he knew my weaknesses, he knew me or at least i thought so, and he broke me.

He broke me into the person im today. The girl who broke a mirror and screamed at herself for being disgusting. The girl who done some things to herself that no one should ever do. The girl who cries herself to sleep. The girl who wishes for an internal sleep. The girl who stuck fingers down her throat. The girl who did not have the same mentality and happiness as she did before.

The girl who still had nightmares about that night they witnessed together. That she had to deal with all alone.

I am that girl.