Hermitcraft Oneshots and Random Stuff ~ON HIATUS

The Raid of Area 50

This is so cursed. XD

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The events in this story take place shortly after the Raid of Area 49.

The mob gathered outside Area 50, their pitchforks glinting in the torchlight. They had camped here for days on end, waiting for the perfect time to strike. People were getting impatient but they had to keep waiting for their chance. Pizza rolls were running out. Portable microwaves were breaking left and right. Karens were running out of managers to ask for. And worst of all, the pizza rolls were running out!

It stretched on like this for two weeks, until, finally, the moment came. It was 3 AM and the Kyles were taking watch for the night. They were passing the time by rationing out their Monster Energy™ so they wouldn't run out, when the youngest of the group, a kid named Kyle, spotted something: The guards who patrolled the walls for so long were gone! 

They alerted the rest of the mob and they all quickly got dressed in the dark. Pitchforks and torches at the ready, they crept into the base through the Employees Only door in the side. None of the workers noticed the 2,000,000 people sneaking through their base. Once inside, there was no need for secrecy anymore. The Naruto Runners yelled and charged at the secret laboratory door. 

The raw energy of 500,000 dank memers proved to be too much for the sad door. It shattered into a million pieces. As the dust cleared, they could see the tall, green figure of an alien. The moment of stunned silence was quickly broken by the young Kyle running up and clapping the alien's cheeks. At long last, they had achieved their mission! Their cheers echoed through the vast expanse of nothingness, otherwise known as Nevada. 

Then, tragedy struck. It turns out, the guards were only gone for a little while, to get reinforcements from the government. The helicopters came, the sound drowned out by the jubilant crowd. Nobody heard the beeping of the RedBull-fueled bomb until it was too late. The explosion could be seen from miles away and heard from even further. Everyone who witnessed it went blind due to the sheer force.

The government realized how much they had f*cked up and decided to use the last resort.

The army of lizard people and flat Earthers swarmed the streets, pointing their ray guns at anyone who dared oppose them, and wiping the memories of everyone else, replacing them with the tune of Spooky Scary Skeletons and dead memes. 

The government opened a new place called Area 51 and hoped it would be less of a disaster. And so, nobody knows the true story of the Raid, except me because I was visiting Jupiter during the memory wipe.

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457 words