Perfection» h.s

sixty four.

Pandora Gray

Over Again- One Direction

"Can we stop this for a minute? You know, I can tell that your heart isn't in it, or with it."

"Would you have minded, though?" He refrences what I would've said if I didn't leave. "Would you have minded if you still fell in love with the same guy that basically pinned you up against the wall and wagged the bra in your face?" I take a long gulp of my drink.

"I dunno. Did I like that guy? Maybe. But you were only like that for the first few months or so when I moved in."

"You were a child Pandora," he pauses, "and you still have some of that in you, hence the reason why you ran."

"Hey!" I exclaim,getting defenseive, "I didn't run. . . I just left and took a break."

"That's running. And to be honest, I  don't know what hurt more, you leaving , or you running away from me. It's almost like you were afraid of me, like you couldn't trust me!" He stands up, but then sits back down again. "And," he says in a quieter voice, "with everything you know about me, I wouldn't trust me either. Hell, I don't trust me." Both of us down our glasses, and he pours more wine and lemonade, the wine glass half full and both of us a bit tipsy.

"Why would I be afraid of you?"

"Because, I let you get close to me. Was that a mistake, I'm not sure yet, but you're closer to me than a lot of people have gotten. You've seen the deepest and darkest and most twisted and sick things there ever could be to a human.And yet you're still here. So when you left, it kinda hit me. I'm too attached to you, and I thought you realized that,  and you left almost as quickly as you came.

I thought you were afraid of me because I couldn't- can't let you go."

"I've seen a lot of things in my lifetime, more than we even have time to fathom, but let me tell you this," I take in a deep breath, "I've seen horrible things, I've seen death, I've seen angst, I've seen trouble, and I've seen people that act more like devils than they do people.

I've seen sick, twisted people, I've seen the darkest of the dark and witnessed the lowest of the low, I think I've seen it all . . . well, almost. But your twisted and sick things work well with my twisted and sick things, so I think we're good. In fact, I had trouble sleeping without knowing your sick twisted things were in the same flat as I was."

"That's because you're insane."

"I'm insane because you drive me insane."

"Can I ask you a quick question." I down another glass and nod. "How did it feel, when you saw it. When everything went down." I sigh.

"Well, Tori called me to the club the next morning, saying I forgot something, and led me to the room where. . . you know." The memory doesn't even feel like a  memory anymore, it feels so suureal. "Valerie was there, and she looked like a copy of me, with only a few flaws you wouldn't be able to see unless you were sober. She handed me the tape, and I couldn't even watch a full minute of it, I threw the camera on the floor and ran out like one of those pathetic girls in the movies.

I returned home, locked myself in my room and cried. I was so mad at you, Harry, so fucking mad and jealous that I wouldn't listen to anything you said, I deemed it irrelevent. There was the little part of me that said, 'He was drunk, he wouldn't do that to you', I clearly didn't listen. Before you even came home, I had the confrontational scene all planned out, I'd be screaming and yelling and you'd be yelling back at me, because you know damn well we're both ticking bombs,  and one of us would throw something and one of us would yell 'We're done' or 'It's over' or 'I hate you'.

So when you knocked on my door, and came in, I didn't see. . . you." He raises an eyebrow.

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I saw. . . the old Harry. The one we were talking about. The one I always had an urge to slap. And I almost did, but you were so like, chill about the whole thing, and it seriously pissed me off. I was so close to just cursing you out then and there."

"When are you not close to cursing me out?" He giggles, and it's now clear that neither of us are completley sober.

"When are you not close to pulling out your hair because of me?" I retort, and he nods.

"Why do we even call ourselves boyfriend and girlfriend?" I glance up at the clock, we've been talking for a good three hours now.

"What even are we anymore?"

"Are we still even a thing?" He yawns.

"I don't know. Are we okayish now, I guess?"

"We're the closest to okay than we've ever been."

"And that's saying a lot since half of the time we were almost yelling." I lean into him and start to laugh, tears randomly springing to my eyes. "Oh fuck, I'm crying."

With a teary chuckle, he looks down at me, "You're not the only one, babe."

"Why are we crying?" Tears run down my face and as I look up, he has his own tears too, but he's got a smile on his face. "We're so fucked up, and possibly drunk."

"You think?"

I cuddle even more into him, "You're warm, if I fall asleep on you, don't be surprised, alright?"

"I'm probably going to stay here, I don't feel like moving at all. The bed is too far away. You wanna just talk?"

"Why not, what about?"

"Anything you'd like."

"Alright," I grin, "you'll never believe who I saw in Amsterdam. . ."

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this is actually one of my favorite chapters in this whole book idk why but it was kinda sweetand kinda cute and ThESE ARE MY GOALS SO UM YEAH OKAY

and tbh over again will always be one of my all time favorites, but i think no control and stockholm syndrome are the shit atm

whos watching the boys on snl? my parents are making me go to bed but im recording it and im probably going to watch it under the covers using my tablet so whoops.

im over the moon rn, i got shipped with harry, zayn, ashton and michael on insta because someone was doing ships MAYBE I LOOK LIKE A HUMAN AFTER ALL GUYS IM V V V HAPPY

and omg id like to see what would happen in the comments if i started a lyric train (got idea from someone on insta and i did it and I literally pissed myself laughing) ((and because you guys comments are better than this book))

so participate or not, i don't really care ha: straight off the plane to a new hotel

ashxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx