Aftershock [ One Direction]

Chapter 10: "I found the notebook"

Song on the side - Holocene by Bon Iver (I know a real shocker...)

Chapter 10

Louis POV

I’ve seen Cora upset, angry, confused, worried, sad, the list is endless but last night I had never seen her act quite like that.  So desperate and her eyes wide with a strange mixture of hope and sadness.  It was disturbing to watch.  The way she was riffling through everything in my dead best friends room sort of opened my eyes with how really off she had become.

The Cora I know had a beautiful, bright face full of happiness.  She had an amazingly genuine personality that left you with the feeling that anything is possible.  Her smile could warm you to the core almost instantly but now her smile, if I ever see it, is forced and painful to see.  She is empty…

I miss the old Cora… 

When I woke up the next morning I made no attempt to get up, I didn’t want to see Cora yet.  I didn’t want to see her in new eyes, the eyes of someone finally realizing you’ve lost them.  I’ve lost her.   I didn’t want to admit this to myself but in all honestly, I lost her the day Harry died and when I held her tightly in my arms. 

I finally decided to get up and head to the kitchen.  Cora was sitting on the barstool with a distant look in her eyes, Niall was standing across the kitchen staring intensely at Cora.  He looked almost like he was trying to read her mind.  I wonder what you would find if you could see inside her head… 

Niall looked up at me and gave me a small smile, “Morning.”  As soon as his voice hit the quite, Cora looked up.  Our eyes met and my stomach dropped.  Those weren’t Cora’s eyes, they were the eyes of the broken girl who took her spot.  “Morning”  I said back quietly.

Cora got up and surprised me by giving me a hug.  I, of course, hugged her right back.  “I’m sorry Louis, I’m sorry for losing it.”  She whispered.

I pulled her back to look into those hazel eyes, “Why do you keep apologizing so much lately?”  I questioned.

“Because I keep hurting you guys.”

“You aren’t hurting us, you just are worrying us.  We love you Cora and we just worry for you.”  I said back searching her eyes for something, anything at all.

“You really shouldn’t…”

“Why is that?”

“There’s nothing to worry about anymore.”  She said back quietly.

Zayn’s POV

{Couple Days Later}

Cora hadn’t had a melt down in a while, she was smiling more and laughing, I hope it stays like this.  I didn’t witness what happened that night and I’m glad I didn’t.  Liam and Louis have been very quiet and whenever Cora acts even the slightest bit off, they share a look, like she may just snap any second. 

 Cora and I aren’t that close but she still is family, I still worry about her.  At the hospital when she started to die, I couldn’t stay in the room.  I didn’t want to see someone I loved die.  I couldn’t handle something like that, I’m barely handling what happened with Harry. 

Cora has been staying with us because Louis doesn’t want her out of his sight and I understand, what if she trying to kill herself again…?  The past couple of nights I could hear her humming while she was in the study reading, she always hums the same thing and I’ve had it stuck in my head the whole time. 

One afternoon after dinner, we were sitting in the living room watching a movie and I started humming the tune.  Her head immediately snapped up.

“Zayn what are you humming?”  She asked, her eyes wide with shock.