Aftershock [ One Direction]

Chapter 13: "I Think I Am Going To Be"

 Song on the side - Blue Skies by Noah and the Whale

Chapter 13:

The walk back to the flat was quiet, but a comfortable quiet.  As soon as we stepped through the door, I ran to Niall’s room and sat indian style in the middle of his bed.   Holding the notebook that long without opening it had my fingers burning from anticipation. 

I could hear the boys talking from down the hall, they were asking what was up with me.  Niall didn’t say anything and I waited for someone to come to the door and start throwing questions at me, but surprisingly no one even walked down the hall towards the room.  Just in case I got up and locked the door.  I didn’t want anything to distract me from this.

I looked down at the object in my hands and marveled at what could be inside.  Gently grabbing the cover, I opened it to the first page.

-To my beautiful girl-

Last entry

I love you from the top of your head to the very tips of your toes.

I love the way your smile can set every inch of me a flame.

I love your laugh and the silly moments we’ve had. 

I loved how when I kissed your sweet pink lips that your face would turn fifty different shades of red.

I love you…

Cora, I have been writing in this journal from the first day that I knew you had feelings for me to the very last hours of my life. I want you to be able to just turn the page and remember every single good time and even the few bad times.  I’ve loved every moment we’ve shared! Even the last painful moment couldn’t put a damper on the love we shared. 

I know that you only just left a couple of hours ago and you think that you leaving will solve these tiny problems, it won’t.  I needed you there to help me be strong as much as you needed me.  My chest has a terrible, constricting pain.  It just hurts to breath.  My tears won’t stop falling.  But I know that in the end it really was all my fault…

I shouldn’t have kept you with me, I should have let you go.  Let you go live a life without these fans, and the words that cut you like knives.  Don’t think they didn’t hurt me either but I knew I needed to be strong for you.  I needed to be strong so you wouldn’t leave.  Everytime I saw you cry a piece of me would die.  I know that I could have done better, just let you leave but I was selfish…  I’m sorry.

I know it’s a brash decision but I can’t be live without you…Everything hurts.  Please don’t blame yourself for this, if only I could have been stronger for us.  I know you, and I know that you’ll want to blame yourself but I’ve been feeling so sad ever since, I don’t even know what I began to feel this way.  I’ve just gotten very good at hiding my sadness and the only time that I was really happy was with you.  That’s why I had to write it down.  Everything, just for you, my beautiful girl.

Tell the boys I love them and that they shouldn’t worry for me.  They shouldn’t worry about anything…

Promise me that everytime you think of me or us, that you will smile.  Don’t you dare cry, your tears are worth so much more. 

One last thing, promise that you will go to our secret place…

I love you, Cora Fey Thomas.

-Harry

I felt a tear slide down my face, it splattered onto the page.  I couldn’t stop staring at this entry tucked inbetween the first page and cover.  Staring, at his neat handwriting, trying to understand how he felt while writing this, but realized that I knew exactly how he felt.