The Saint Jones [Completed]

chapter 66: Love's Hard

Cher

It is good to find my room back after a day away from it. But it is drab and not as comfortable as Julian's room, which is vastly perfect for an entire day in.

If it was up to me, I would still be in his room, sitting on his bed or lying there. But he gently asked me if it was possible for me to get back to my room and he will call me to let me know when I can come back. He did not say much, but the little he said was enough to make me understand that something was wrong... again.

With pure honesty, I would have loved if he at least told me a word about what was bothering him, but I saw it in his eyes, he is not ready for an opening and it slightly annoys me.

For a moment I thought that I was here to satisfy him. Because there was only this connection while we were intimately close yesterday. But this connection should have been more than that, we should be connected even when it is not linked to sex, we should be connected through our words and gestures, which is clearly not the case. He promised me that he would talk to me like a man should instead of pushing me away... nothing changed.

Julian is a complicated man, so closed on himself. At times I felt like he was ready to talk to me about whatever is bothering his head, but the feeling never last long. I myself, sometimes I feel like I should take off my wig and my make up, only to show him the true me, but when he acts back to the distant guy he usually is, he freezes me down, forcing me to change my mind.

"Love is hard girl, it is hard."

I lie down on my bed and put my legs under the covers. The sun is merely brightening my room as it looks like the weather is not really great today. My stomach feels full even if I had not eaten anything yet, and I do not even want to have the taste of food on my tongue.

Why is life so mean? Everything was going find yesterday and this early morning, but suddenly the arrival of Justin broke it all. Life is a mess and has power over every single person on earth, it controls us and sometimes it decides against our will.

A sigh runs out of my lips as I decide to take a nap or at least to try because I cannot stop myself from thinking about him and our situation. I shake my head and close my eyes, the tears of sadness and deception are slowly crawling in my eyes, but I keep them in with a force that is coming from somewhere unknown.

~°~

"Fifteen days of dazzling sun and proud crowded beaches. What could have been better for a summer? You better grab your swimsuits and run down the closest beaches or pools. Must be a fool for missing such days."

I turn off the radio while practically rolling my eyes, Benz the animator of radio La vie, is actually the worst animator I have ever listened to in my whole life, and yet, they are still giving him the antenna to produce his show, cannot even call this a show anymore.

One day, I was in the car– I always hear him in the car– he was talking about napkins and babies and how dirty it is, the babies. I seriously do not know why he is still doing this job, I mean, there are better animators out there who are waiting for a job.

I sigh tiredly and roll up the window of the passenger seat as the wind and its fragment of rain was splashing on my face, wetting up my dark hair which is falling down my shoulders. I deeply want to tie them up in a bun or a ponytail, but I need to be careful, both hands on the wheel, as the darkness of the night is not helping at all.

Cardiff is professionally admitted on some famous articles as the wettest place in England, and we, the people who leaves there, have to generously grant that it is eventually true. I mean, it rained yesterday and now it is raining again.