The Saint Jones [Completed]

chapter 61: The Pain

Cher

My head is hammering, my stomach is empty and sick. Early mornings are usually my hours, where I wake up happily and make my morning exercises to stretch out my body, but today, I do not feel it.

As I am sitting on my bed, looking at the vast room in front of me, I feel broken and sad. Last night was horrible in all the senses possible; I did not sleep well, got nightmares and woke up more than six times, unknown tears running down my cheeks.

I cannot stop thinking about what happened, about the way Julian reacted. There is this guiltiness inside of me, it makes me feels like I am the reason of why Julian pushed me away last night. It was painful to see him like that, and it was more painful when I realized that I made a mistake.

I am not angry at him for pushing me away so quickly and with so much anger in his voice. Yes, he should have let me explain or he could have told me what was really bothering him, but I am not angry at him, I am angry at myself, I created this.

Zeke and Célia called me last night when I came back to my room, they did a video call as they were both still together. They were confused, we were all. I have apologized for him, it was not his intent to rush out so quick, I know it was not. He did not want to be mean, but there was that part of him that he could not hold back.

I knew he was not feeling good the moment his breaths have increased, and at this moment, I should have made up something to get us both out of there. Stupid. I throw one of my pillows on the floor and put my heavy head in my hands.

My heart feels void and ropy, it hurts slowly, making me suffer physically. It feels wrong, I cannot see us not talking because of a simple mistake. Maybe he got shot in his ego and that is why he was so furious, but he cannot be forever furious at me, it will wreck me.

I rub my temple slowly, releasing the pain and the exhaustion. Then, with determination, I stand up, straighten my white dress which is stuck against my skin, put my feet into my white slippers and rush out of the room with a heart beating amply.

My legs are going so fast that I can feel the muscles in my calves and thighs flexing. I feel light as I am holding nothing, not even my phone, maybe I should have brought it with me, but it is too late now, I am almost reaching the first floor, the restaurant.

There is this hope inside me that he is probably working. But what if he is not? No, he should be there, I check my watch on my left wrist; it is over 10 am, so he should be there already. I go down the stairs, finding more and more people as I reach the first floor. My nose can detect the scent of foods mixed together, the restaurant is not too far, my breath is going vividly strong.

Finally I arrive in front of the open restaurant, which is once again full of people. I stand in the corner, but I stay outside, mentally finding a way of how am I going to know whether he is working or not. But I know if I stay here I will receive no information, so, I take a deep breath and step inside, my slippers touching the carpet floor.

I cannot tell if there are eyes on me, I cannot tell if the murmures are about me, but I try my best to go straight towards my goal. Maybe I am going paranoid by all the emotions that were tormenting me since yesterday, but my insecurities are slowly taking the lead.

With stress running down my back, I arrive in front of the counter where a woman is serving a drink to a man. Moments later her eyes falls me on, smiling generously.

"What can I do for you?" She asks, her Spanish accent is well heard.

"I-I am looking for the chief, please."

I could not say his name, scared someone else would have tell me what the old man once told me, that there was no one with the name of Julian, I would not have been able to cope with another person stating that. Maybe I am a coward, but I cannot see him lying to me about a name, it will be stupid, really stupid.