~Elise~
My mom; what can I say about my mom? She’s my hero. She’s taken on so much in life. She’s raised three kids by her self. I’m the oldest at fourteen, almost fifteen. We live in Rockland, Maine. I’ve lived here my entire life but when my little brother died my mom moved us to Westbrook. She stated that living in Rockland was too painful; the memories reminded her she watched her son, her two year old son die. I don’t like talking about how it happened, it’s really bad though. She’s really religious and I’m proud she hasn’t lost her faith even after a year of losing Kevin.
But she still loses herself at the bottom of the bottle sometimes. My little sister Clair is only nine. She doesn’t need to see our mom like that. I try to be the mother, the sister, the daughter, everything but sometimes it’s just too much and I can’t handle it all. I can’t handle any of it. I know that scarring my body is stupid and wrong but it takes the pain away but as soon as I see the blood running down my arms my mind is wrenched back to the day I saw him die in the kitchen. Why was he so stupid? I know that’s mean to call a two year old but that was incredibly stupid.
There is not safety for me; music barely makes me feel better. I love playing my drums but since then I sold them to help pay rent on our house. I’m only fourteen and a half, I shouldn’t be doing this and that’s why I cut but the first time I was caught I stopped cutting my wrists and started doing it further up my arms and my stomach, hips, thighs and legs. My mom found a suicide letter I wrote on one of my off days and away to Portland, Maine she sent me to Ocean View Treatment Facility.
I’m not going to sit around taking the piss and moaning about how much my life sucks. Because I’ve come to terms with life and now I know we deserved it. My mom made the biggest mistake of life and that ended up with the creation of Kevin. She was a mistress; the guy never even knew she was pregnant until she sent him child support papers. She ruined their marriage and now she’s this holy girl who’s the victim. She brought this upon us. She said God is punishing us, I don’t believe in God. But I know she’s being punished. And now I’m being punished for doing this to myself.
YOU ARE READING
Stay Strong: The Diaries of a Cutter. (On Hold!)
Teen Fiction12 Teens with 12 different backgrounds and stories are sent to Portland, Maine’s Ocean View Treatment Facility in hopes they can kick their addictions, some of them don’t think they have an addiction or need help while others know they need the help...