My Wattpad Journal

12/19/2014

We stayed at Kev's friend's house last night. I fell asleep at 1 and woke up at 3 and they were still up. They went to bed about 15 minutes after I woke up. Then we all fell asleep. Kev and I didn't wake up until about 11:45, so by then it was too late to go eat lunch. His friend woke up about 15-30 minutes later and Kev and I took a shower. It was weird because never in my life have I been ok with taking separate showers, but I was actually happy that we did today.

After that, Kev went to another friend's house and his friend and I went to some stores with her grandmother. We came back here and talked until Kev got back. She just broke up with her boyfriend and she just got off drugs and she needs someone to talk to because she is having a really hard time adjusting.

We were talking and I have came to the realization that to keep Kev in my life I am going to have to deal with being a female. I don't know why people can't just accept people for the way they are. However if it means choosing between being unhappy with myself and having Kev or being happy with myself and not having Kev I would have to choose the former. I think I could deal with myself as long as I have him in my life.

Kev's friend has a friend and for some reason he chooses to sit by me which is creeping me out.

The four of us are playing the board game Life. Kev landed on the get married spot and he wanted a blue. Haha. We are both high off less than a nic bag. I just tore up 2 Nekot chocolate cookie packs. He has only had one cookie. I want to smoke again in a little bit.

I think while I'm high I forget what I say, but I remember other things. I'm thinking about the decision I have to make regarding Kev and I and apparently since I'm high, it makes it a lot easier. I'll do whatever I have to do to stay with him. His friend told me earlier to be happy that he calls me his girlfriend because he has commitment issues.

I just told him. I'm going to put the conversation on here.

(
B: Would you like it if I acted more like a girl?
Would you like it if I grew my hair back out?

K: eh I kinda would but it's ok

B: I have been doing some thinking tonight, and if I had to choose between making myself happy and losing you or not and having you, I choose you...

K: Idc either way

B: Could you be with you if I was physically a guy?

K: No

B: Well, like I said before... I choose you... )

He smiled and I asked what he was smiling about and he said that it makes him happy.