April and December

Vii. April

I'd go back to December turn around and make it all right
I'd go back to December turn around and change my own mind
-Taylor Swift, Back to December

A P R I L

I always loved my alone times, then and now. I remember telling December that, he was the only one who knew how much I hated crowded places. But with the career that I have, being surrounded by people all the time was inevitable.

I could still remember those simple times when I used to talk to my fans - the real people who believed in me - in the internet, computer on my lap with my sweatpants on. Before, everything was easier. How I wish I met December way before all of these. It's not that I am complaining, I love my life now, It's just that, maybe, when I entered this industry along with December, everything could've been different - people would have warmly accepted him as a part of me.

I put my guitar down, as I watched the city lights in my apartment's window. I wonder how is he doing now. It is one in the morning back in London, maybe he is fast asleep, or maybe he's still out partying. I see that he's been good nowadays, he's been so busy with the path he chose, and I am so happy for him - for the things he achieved.

But up until this moment, after five years, I still think of him from time to time. I still imagine myself going back, to that night at that party. Maybe he will still be beside me if I've done things differently.

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It was a very cold night in March. As I stepped outside those big glass doors, I silently cursed myself for leaving my coat inside the party. But the serenity in that rooftop calmed my insides. I loved how it immediately gave my mind some clarity and a space to breathe, at least for a little while. I still can't erase December's face, and the way he talked and laughed with that girl.

"You told them you're going to the comfort room? but the truth is you will find a place to make yourself feel more comfortable"

I flinched, as I heard his familiar raspy voice. My heart began to beat fast, the world around me was frozen. It's been a long time since I last heard that voice, so close to me. That voice used to send me to sleep from the other side of the phone. That voice used to sing to me whenever I feel weary. That voice, I needed to lose just to realize how I it was all I needed to hear.

As I glanced at him, carefully studying his features, I discovered that he finally decided to cut his long curly hair. It suited him well, but I still liked it long. I remembered how much I adored it when he sweeps it off his face, revealing his heart-melting features.

He moved closer to the railings then placed his arms on top of it. He slowly wandered his eyes to the beautiful city lights of New York City. Those green eyes, so captivating, It bores through my soul whenever it looks into mine.

His brows we're slightly furrowed, he only does that every time he is thinking of something serious. I wondered what was he thinking in that very moment. I wondered if it will still be possible for me to take everything back.

And as the silence between us grew "I've missed you, December" I blurted out, didn't cared if he feels the same because I knew the uncertainties for a moment like that to happen again.

He remained silent. The lump in my chest grew even bigger when he didn't looked back at me. Worse was when he seemed to not be bothered with what I just said. What's with that blank stare? Why aren't you saying a word? I began to feel furious at him.


"Dec..." I started, ready to tell him everything, anything, even if he didn't asked me to.


"April," he cut me off. "I think you should go back inside" he continued. Few words, but enough for my world to break into millions of pieces. He sounded so cold.

So NOT the December I once knew.

"Wh-what do you mean" I stuttered not knowing what to do anymore. Why is he pushing me away? That was our only chance to talk again face to face. That was my chance to explain to him why I've come up to my decision of leaving. That should be his chance to tell me who Celine was, and why he moved on so fast. My mind is spinning as he remained persistent of making me go away.

Then I finally noticed the camera flashes from behind. I understood right away what he was trying to do. IHe was trying to hide me from the paparazzi, taking our picture from the other building. I started to move away but before I went to far from him, I looked at his green eyes.

"I hope you are happy, December" I sincerely said. Even if it hurt, even if I wanted to just run back to him and take back all the things that's been said and done -- I meant it.

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Until now, I still wish for his happiness.

(A/N: So this is an extended part. For those who are new here, I posted this short story way back 2012. I am revising the whole book for I have the luxury of free time now. Adulting had been so challenging for me, I've missed writing so much! I hope you enjoy!)