The Story of Jaylor

Chapter 5

Joe and I are sitting up on the roof of this Cornelia Street apartment, drinking beer out of plastic cups, getting drunker than we probably should have been. I was feeling a nice buzz, not necessarily just from the alcohol, but also from just being with him. We've been in this apartment for two weeks now and we've done nothing but get closer. Joe his arm slung around me shoulders and we're both under a blanket, protecting us from the cool air. Our conversation has been lighthearted so far, tossing jokes back and forth until Joe decides to take a sharp right turn, 

"Do you ever think about the future?" The question hangs in the air for a while, I don't really know what to say. I try so hard to not think about the future, it freaks me out but at the moment I can't seem to stop wondering what the future will hold for me. 

"Um, sometimes I guess." Joe rubs my arm gently, encouraging me to continue. I pick at my nails as I speak

"Well, for a while I didn't want to think about the future. I just wanted to live in the moment because it felt like I was on top of the world." I take a deep breath before continuing, 

"Now, I can't really stop thinking about it. Like, will I ever make another album? Will I just be a songwriter? Will I ever get married? Have kids? Thinking about all that kind of stuff freaks me out but it's kind of on a never-ending loop in my brain. Particularly with everything that's going on at the moment." Joe places a kiss on my forehead and we sit in silence for a moment, both of us taking in what I'd just said. I never expected to admit that to anyone but for some reason, it felt right to admit it to him. Maybe it's just the alcohol. 

"I think it's normal to worry about the future." He says softly. I look into his eyes, finding myself getting lost in them as he continues talking, 

"I mean, obviously for you it's probably different worries than others. But the future can be scary. Particularly to do with marriage and kids." I guess he's right, maybe it's not so abnormal to worry about the future. I just don't really know what normal is anymore.

"What do you worry about?" I ask him gently. Joe's brow furrows, trying to formulate an answer. The question probably caught him off guard, fair enough, I'd be caught off guard too. 

"I worry about all sorts of things. I worry about my family and getting work..." He looks away from me before finishing his sentence,

"I worry about losing you." When he says that, I feel as though my heart skipped a beat. I don't really know what to say. I worry about that exact same thing, I worried even more about telling him that for fear of sounding pathetic. Knowing he feels the same way just warms my heart. Joe looks at me again, trying to gauge my reaction. I lean forward and press my lips to his, trying to show him that I also want this to work. That this, whatever this is, is important to me too. Once we pull apart, he grins at me. 

"I worry about that too." I say quietly, looking down and away from him. Joe moves his hand to tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear and I look back into his gorgeous eyes, seeing nothing but affection within their depths, I smile at him and blush slightly. This moment feels so light and intimate, it's a feeling I can't describe and I'm not too sure that I've ever experienced it before.  It's a rare occasion for me to actually admit how I'm feeling to Joe, I'm so terrified of him knowing how attached I've gotten. Like, saying it out loud makes it real, and therefore, easier to get hurt. It's something I need to work on or I know I'm going to drive him away. I lean my head back on his chest while he plays with my hair. Both of us watching the night sky. 

"Joe?" I whisper slightly, not entirely wanting to be heard. 

"Yes, baby?" I sit up, shocked. 

"Baby?" Joe immediately blushes and shakes his head.

"Sorry, it's just a pet name. It slipped out, sorry. I'm just tired and a little drunk." I'm not quite sure what to say, we've never really talked about what we are and it kind of felt easier that way. I just wasn't expecting to be called that. 

"It's okay, I just wasn't expecting it." We both go back to sitting in silence, me curled up in his arms and him stroking my hair. 

"What were you going to say?" Joe breaks the silence again. My sudden surge in confidence has diminished, that's probably for the best. 

"Oh, I don't remember." I sigh contently against him and we lay there for a while, enjoying each others company. I feels myself begin falling asleep against him, exhaustion finally beginning to take over.

"Taylor?" I hear Joe call her name.

"Hmmm?" I groans in response, not wanting to be disturbed. Joe sighs and sits up, pulling me with him, I feel my body being lifted up I wrap my arms around his neck, breathing in deeply. I feel him go back inside and ascending the stairs. Joe places me gently onto the bed and pulls the covers up, tucking me in. He begins to walk away, 

"No, wait come back." I say deliriously, clearly exhausted and on the verge of falling asleep. The last thing I want is for him to go anywhere though. 

"Relax Taylor, I'm just going to go lock up, I'll be right back." True to his word, he returns not even five minutes laters and crawls in beside me. I immediately cuddle up against him and he wraps his strong arms around me, pulling me close. I sigh contently and finally give in to the sleep that has been calling me. The last thing I hear is him whisper,

"Goodnight baby."