Spectrum- a Jared Kleinman Angst fic

Intro

Look at me, writing for once. Just kidding, I wrote this at midnight. 

Sorry if it's hard to follow. And I know it's short, really sorry about that. Have fun reading it I guess.

Forgot to mention, I have no updating schedule, so it's probably going to be really wonky and random. Also, expect cursing. And just long rants about nothing.

I can't remember exactly, but there might be mentions of self harm? I don't think so, but there might be. There's bottling up emotions, at least, but I don't know if you care about that. There is a mention of abuse if you squint. Be careful.

Jared has learned to hide his emotions.

It can actually be pretty tricky sometimes, since when you feel something, your hair changes colors to represent it. It'd seem impossible. After all, everyone has to show their emotions to the world all the time. 

So, he'd needed to find something that worked, and fast.

He even considered shaving his head for a while (because then there's no hair to see change) but he's never going to do that. Ever. It's not like him- it wouldn't fit his style. That would be too weird. 

Luckily, over years of meticulous effort and trial and error, he'd figured out what else he can do. What works and what doesn't.

For example, he'd learned pretty early on that hair dye does nothing to hide the bright colors he feels. He'd also learned that hats are weirdly suspicious, and that at least some of your hair will be visible anyway, so there's no point.

No, the only way to truly hide his emotions is to not feel them.

That's right.

He pushes his feelings down until he can barely remember them. He blocks them out until it's late at night and he's all alone. When he is finally alone, he lets his hair go haywire. Whatever he's feeling, he lets it out, if he can even feel it anymore.

Yeah, it probably isn't healthy, but he's grown used to it. He also has no other options. What else is he supposed to do? 

And no, he wasn't always like this. In fact, when he was a child, he let his hair change colors whenever. He'd even thought the changing was... pretty.

Then... well, he doesn't think about it often. It usually triggers his emotions, after all.

But he learned that not everyone likes his emotions. Not everyone wants to see his hair turn to different colored feelings.

Especially his dad.

So when he leaves the confines of his room, he keeps his feelings in check. He does let himself express good emotions, like happiness and excitement. The ones that don't scream 'help me' are fine. But everything else has to stay hidden.

That's just his life. He bottles up his feelings until he can let them out in not so healthy ways. He hides his real emotions from his friends, even if they don't hide their emotions.

So, anything that could blow his cover has to go.

He has to forget how they look at each other. He has to forget about his dad. He has to forget about everything that makes him a mess, until night falls.

Because Jared Kleinman will never ask for help. 

He doesn't need help. He's got this.

Right?