a skaters secret

Part 5-Relapse?

Victors PoV
As we got closer to Saturday Yuri and I noticed Shoyos mood decreased greatly. He wasn't trying as hard at practice and would often chicken out of jumps claiming to just be "too tired" or something similar. We were getting extremely concerned and when Shoyo shrugged us off and acted more and more suspicious we started worrying he might have relapsed.

*flash back to before his last competition* (depressing themes up ahead)

"Yuri have you noticed how different Hinata seems?" "Hm? What do you mean?" "I get that he's nervous but he seems really antsy and fidgety all the time. He always seems on edge and he isn't smiling as bright as normal"  Yuri thought for a moment, I could tell, before nodding at me in agreement.
"How about after practice today we bring him home and ask him if he's ok?" "I'm just worried about him that's all. I think that sounds good"

Hinata was distracted the whole time we were on the rink. He fell over a lot and was just out of it which definitely didn't go unnoticed. "Hey Hinata, why don't you come stay at our place tonight. I'll cook your favourite~" Yuri pleaded with him. He seemed to agree, though hesitantly, and we headed to the car driving to our decently sized house. We may be rich but we didn't spend too much on a mansion that would have us less rooms for no reason. We live comfortably.

When we got back he headed to the bathroom in his room to change (yes he has his own room) but ended up taking a long time. "Hey babe, dinner is nearly done can you go get him?" I heard from the kitchen "sure" was all I said back. His door was already open when I approached it though his bathroom door was still shut. I knocked on it suddenly, not even calling out his name when I heard a sudden "shit" from inside and something fall to the floor.

In an instant my heart dropped and I think I knew what was going on. "Hinata open the door now, dinner is ready" no response "Hinata, please let me in so I can speak with you" still nothing, though I could faintly hear a sob coming from the inside. "Shoyo- please" I begged as I continuously tried turning the door handle. When I heard the click of the lock unlocking I yelled to Yuri "GET THE FIRST AID" and flung the door open revealing a crying Shoyo in the corner with cuts all over his arms. One seemed to be bleeding more than the others and I assumed I must've shocked him making it go deeper than intended. When I looked on the floor I spotted the blade and immediately picked it up moving it away from Sho and throwing it in the bin.

I slowly stepped towards him and crouched to my knees grabbing him into a hug, his face in my chest sobbing harder and harder. Yuri came crashing in and watched the scene in front of him with wide eyes.  "Omg Shoyo- what? I- let's clean you up ok" his voice softened towards the end as he focused on comforting him instead of questioning him. I shifted the boy to put him in my lap facing sideways with his head still in my chest but his arms outwards towards my fiancée.

He continued to sob as Yuri cleaned up each cut and then bandaged both arms and pulling down his sleeves. "Shoyo" i Said with sympathy in my voice. He looked down at his lap, still crying, but refusing to look at either of us. "We aren't mad, Shoyo. It's ok, but you need to talk to us" "Yuri's right, you need to open up so we can help you"

"I'm s-sorry" he sniffled in response. "Why are you sorry, you did nothing wrong?" "I just feel like a disappointment. Nothing I do is good enough and I always feel down but I have no idea why. I have no reason to feel so upset so what the hell is wrong with me?!" He sobbed again but this time Yuri took my place stroking his hair and rubbing his back. "There's nothing wrong with you Hinata, everyone gets stressed and upset. Some people just naturally feel this way and its not something wrong with you it's just how your brain works. You shouldn't be hurting yourself though ok?" "It's ok if you don't want to answer but why do you hurt yourself? And have you ever thought about, you know-?" He shook his head against yuris chest.

"I've never wanted to kill myself if that's what you mean. I don't even know why I do it god I'm so stupid" he exclaimed. "Sometimes I just feel nothing. Like I'm tired and I can't feel any emotions and a part of my head just says, if you do this then you'll feel something so I do it. And it works. It calms me down and makes me feel alive. But I hate myself for doing it and I wish I never did. I hate it!" He yelled. We were both taken aback by the troubles of the small boy in front of us.

"Shoyo I'm not saying you have to, but how would you feel if we told your mum and set up a doctors appointment to see if we can help? Nothing would be set in stone you won't have to speak if you don't want to, but I'm sure there's something we can do whether it's just knowing what's up or getting some medication that could help." He hummed in agreement and that night we called both the doctors and sho's mum to explain everything.

He had been diagnosed with anxiety and stress related depression which he began taking pills for. He didn't want a therapist but agreed that Yuri and I would always help him and be there to talk, which he did frequently. it took him about 6 months to quit self harming but after his win it got a lot easier and it's now been 10 months since he last self harmed. We still have check ups for new cuts and scars when we collect his refills but other than that he is trusted.

*flashback over*

"Do you really think he could be doing that again?" Yuri asked, "I'm not sure love but it's possible. Has he been taking his meds?" "I can't be sure. I haven't seen him do it at our house but that doesn't mean he hasn't been. Check the pot" I strolled over to our cupboard where Shoyos prescription sat on the shelf where he could reach and I checked inside. It wasn't as empty as I'm sure it should've been but it still looked like he had taken some since we last checked. "It's not as empty as I should've thought. Maybe he accidently skipped a few days?" "I'm not sure but we can ask him later. Make sure there's nothing sharp just in case and then we'll talk when he gets home. Maybe we should ask his mum too?" "Yeah I agree. Hopefully he's ok though"