His Reason

As of now....

     As of now…

     As I stare out the window during class, I catch a glimpse of some kids playing by the flower beds. The sun is out and butterflies flutter from one flower to another. A young boy is chasing a girl smaller than him around a fenced bed of petunias. Chasing each other to no end, regardless of the scorching sun they pleasure themselves with utter joy. Looking at them brings a faint smile to my face. “It must be nice fooling around with friends so freely like that.” I thought to myself.

       "Mr. Heurlett,” my English teacher, Mr. Harvey G. Edward, calls out.

      "Oh,” I respond, standing up.

       Crap....I forgot that class is still in session. I can’t get myself into any trouble, especially with Mr. Edward around! He is quite a stern fellow I tell you, the type to scold to no end—he once used up an entire encounter’s worth of class for one of his lengthy lectures—but that isn’t the main point; you see he’s quite famous around school, famous for his sternness that can bring a grown man to tears. I’m not kidding! He is like the modern version of a tyrannosaurus! Piss him off and he might as well shred you apart. Just my luck to let him of all teachers catch me slacking off. I swear, what with all the bad luck happening around I am absolutely sure that fates out to get me.

     Seriously did I just say that? I who never believed in fairy tales would actually bring about fate? I haven’t matured at all! This isn’t fate; it’s just sick reality twisting me up in knots. I can’t believe myself. I ha—

“Mr. Heurlett,” Mr. Edward interrupts. “Are you testing my patience?”

      Great just when I said that I didn’t want any trouble I get myself lost in thoughts right when my attentions being called by none other than the dinosaur of 3rd year high school grammar!

     “Mr. Nicholas P. Heurlett you leave me no choice.” he sighs, “Get yourself out of this classroom where you can daze off all you want in the halls!”

     I moved from my seat, ignoring my classmate’s stares and headed out of the room. Mr. Edward resumed his discussion and the class went on like nothing happened. I leaned back against a wall by the lockers, it’s still near the classroom but far enough to not hear anything going.

     I just know Mr. Edwards going to bring me up in his usual “don’t-be-like-him” examples. My pride can’t take such embarrassment getting punished for something trivial as spacing out. Then again I wasn’t even spacing out at all; I was just looking out the window. I mean something as harmless as that he takes as some sort of rebellion. I for one would never rebel in school— though I feel like other students are most likely to—despite the overload of work I can pretty much get through with it and the teachers explain lessons well enough for me to understand. And I won’t ever consider rebellion at home! Blessed with warm food, a bed to sleep on and a roof over my head, not to mention two grandparents who dote over me to no end, I’d be an idiot to ever think of rebelling.

      Yea, my grades aren’t’ exactly splendid but they aren’t horrid either. As a teacher he should at least know that I’m not part of the trouble making category. I admit that I mess up every now and then with short fumbles, spacing out for one and the occasional falling asleep in class but so far that’s pretty much it.

     I’m a good student who goes to school early and passes  work on time. Despite my sharp tongue I never really get into fights. I take pride in my good conduct! How could he be so quick to overlook that!

     This isn’t the first time though that I get treated like this for stuff so trivial. Well, it’s not as if I’m the only one who experiences this. I mean if you don’t greet a teacher, you get labeled rude. Didn’t they even think through the circumstances? What if the student didn’t see the teacher or even hear his/her greeting? It’s the same when a student greets a teacher and gets the cold shoulder. You can’t exactly confront a teacher for it because ugh that’s stupid and in the end you’ll still be told off.

      Teachers, they get away with everything with the excuse of being someone older and someone deserving of respect. Since when was respect something given specifically?

     Geez thinking it through just pisses me off. I might as well just wait until Mr. Edward calls me in, or when class ends.

     Out of boredom I decide to take a few glances of my surroundings. At my right are the lockers in their ever so grimy glory complete with rusted locks and compartments opening up if you give it a whack or two with the fist. This explains the mass complaints of missing stuff. I then looked down at the floor.  It’s so shiny, that I can even see a haze of my own reflection. Such clean floors, the drawback though is that it’s so slippery people practically slide off the bat. Who knows how many have fallen victim to its strife. Then to my front is a bulletin board completely plastered with notes and  posters. Announcements about recent times and even way back years ago along with Club posters calling for new members are strewn against the board in messy display.

     Sighing, I reminisce over the times I pondered over what I wanted to do with my life. Though that’s a thing of the past. I have already made my mind to not deal with too much risks and keep it safe, That way I can stay true to my principles and grow up to become someone I know wouldn’t hurt mom, even though she isn’t here anymore. That is why the only club I’ll ever join is the going home club. Seriously, overbearing teachers, imbalanced maintenance of school environment and a flood of extracurricular activities that only seems to add more to us student’s anxiety

as of now….

Things are just too much to take.

     After my class Mr., Edward called me back in. The matter ended with him giving me a 5 minute sermon and a deduction of 5 points from my class standing. The day continued on, as usual, discussions on recently started topics, a surprise quiz in physics and some group activities. The day ended on a peaceful note despite all the stuff going on. No homework has been given so I slipped on my bag and headed straight home.

     On my way I happened to come across the children whom I saw playing earlier. They were a few feet in front of me, positioned at both sides of a young woman. Walking hand in hand with her, they both looked at her with  loving eyes. She couldn’t possibly be their mother her build was the same with that of a high school student though I can’t be too sure, despite that, seeing them together with all that warm aura radiating off of them. They might as well be family.

     If you look closely you could see a crown of  flowers on the young woman’s head. The pallid shade of the petunias being entwined by brambles, I liked how it complemented her mocha colored hair. Those children probably made it for her using some of the flowers from the school’s garden.

     Flower crowns are so nostalgic, it made me remember some stuff I used to do as a kid. My mom loved flowers, I would do my own take of a flower crown and no matter how much of a failure it was she would always wear it.

“It’s so beautiful” she said. “Thank you.” She would say this with her biggest smile, the smile that I love so much. Even grandma looked pretty with flower crowns, though she would always tell me not to use the ones still stemmed. If I were to not do so then she would get mad and lecture me for hours about the importance of plants and the life. As expected of grandma with all her country bumpkin-ness.

,  Ugh...Here I go again getting lost in thoughts and losing sense of what’s really happening. Am I some old man or something?

     Who am I kidding? An old man? An old man wouldn’t waste time over thinking things, I’m sure he would already know what the best thing to do is. Thats the complete oppostie of I who onlys knows how to act like everythings all good when in fact its not. 

     I’m still a kid. I’m immature, moody and I  complain a lot. I haven’t grown at all. I’d rather deny it but I’m too aware, so aware of it that ignoring it would be plain stupid.

As of now...I have to yet to come to terms with my reality. 

Ah this is so frustrating.

Huh? I rub my eyes…a warm drop plops on the palm of my hand. 

“I said I won’t cry anymore…”

I better hurry.

I think its starting to rain.