kicks ✓ || namgi || k.th

024: veneer

chapter 24: veneer
location: pittsburgh, pennsylvania, day 3

The group all went out to dinner together in downtown Pittsburgh. Unfortunately for them, they picked the same bar all of the police officers in Pittsburgh seemed to be at. They split up into two groups, but Namjoon could notice they were being stared at. So they ate quickly and got back to the hotel, safe and sound.

In the morning he decided to drive back to the funicular, to the grocery store near there. He figured he would let everybody else sleep, but Yoongi was already awake, so the two went together.

They did not take the funicular back up the mountain, but drove up it instead, and parked nearby. "Namjoon, you still can't park," Yoongi joked as they walked toward the grocery store. Sure enough, Namjoon had managed to take up four parking spaces.

"Okay, look, at least I can drive, okay?"

"How long did you say it took you again?"

Namjoon sighed. "Three years and two failed driving tests. And I finally passed -"

"Only to wreck two cars in one night in New York City." Yoongi knew this story well. It was, after all, the story of how they had met.

"Yoongi. It's not my fault that alley didn't have clearance."

"You got a U-Haul box truck stuck in an alley, and then promptly rear-ended your rental car in front of my apartment. You were frazzled. You shouldn't have been driving at all."

"Yeah." Namjoon went down his list of things to buy, and the two wandered to the instant ramen aisle. "But you came out of your apartment, and you calmed me down, and you drove the car back to the rental facility."

"And I taught you how to drive better."

"Kind of."

"You still can't park, but I'm willing to forgive that as long as you're paying attention. You got seven boys in one weird as hell van, so..."

Namjoon wandered to the chips aisle. "I'm glad I'm better at driving now. I really got you to thank for that, Yoongi. Because you forced me to practice, I can drive us all now across America. Without dying."

Yoongi blushed. "Hey, we're not dead yet. We still don't trust that button."

It reminded Namjoon. He hoped this Sara lady would email Taehyung back soon. He wanted answers about that night.

They paid for their nonperishables and loaded up the back of the van. It was super early in the morning, and the sun was rising in the east. "It's beautiful," Namjoon said.

Yoongi gestured to the lookout that they had taken pictures at before. "Wanna sit? Fifteen minutes without the whole crew?"

They sat on a bench, facing the river. To their right, the odd mountain train they had taken yesterday went up and down, taking people on its route. The city, shining in the new daylight, sat below them, surrounded by rivers and hills on all sides.

"This is kind of nice," Namjoon said. "Just you, and me. Without Jungkook and Jin fighting, and Jimin being super gay, and Taehyung worrying about that Sara girl --" He covered his mouth. "SHIT."

"What?"

"Oh, never mind."

"If you're talking about Jimin and what you just said, did he tell you? Because he told me."

"That he's gay? Oh, thank God. I totally messed up there. That's like...not a secret you want to get out."

"Yeah."

"I'm glad you know, though, Yoongi. When did Jimin tell you?"

"When we were at that super naked festival in some town I don't remember the name of. All these guys were flirting with him."

"Oh." Namjoon had to laugh. "I'm glad he trusts you with that. You don't think he's weird or anything, do you?"

Yoongi shook his head. "It doesn't surprise me, actually. He said he's being safe, he's not getting into any trouble, and..." He sighed. "I guess I was just shocked, at first. But then I remembered, it's Jimin. Jimin has always been Jimin, there's nothing really different about him at all. Just gives us all another reason never to return to Korea. I don't know what his parents would think. I know what mine would think. They kind of hate me anyway, so..."

Namjoon thought about his father, and the own secrets he had to keep hidden. "I know mine would hate me, if I came out as gay. I would be disowned. I'd lose the company."

"Oh, mine would kick me out, but they don't have much, so...I don't know, maybe I should come out to them or something. Maybe then they'd finally be off my tail. I'd have to go back to Korea to do that, though, and the government would arrest me for avoiding conscription, so..."

Namjoon stared back at Yoongi. The valley below was beautiful, but Yoongi right now was even more so. "Yoongi, you saying you're gay, too?"

Yoongi's eyes snapped to Namjoon's, and he blushed. "No! That's not what I -- not what I'm saying at all! I just -- I don't know, okay? I just don't know. It's not like I've ever had sex with a man or kissed a man before."

Namjoon froze. "Really?"

"Hell no." Shit. Yoongi really didn't remember that Fireball Night in Rochester. It had all been erased courtesy of Sara and tons of alcohol. "What about you? Have you ever kissed another man before?"

Namjoon looked away. "A long time ago," he said, not lying but not confirming something that Yoongi had apparently forgotten. Well, that was great. So much for damage control. Namjoon could just sweep that under the rug and pretend like it never happened.

Yoongi didn't say anything. He didn't even confirm the fact that Namjoon had basically just come out to him, in a way. "Does it feel," he finally said, "as magical as they say it does? Because I never feel all that...fantasticness and fireworks and stuff when I kiss a girl."

"Yoongi, if you're gay, that's totally fine. Just like Jimin. You have to be true to yourself. If you think you're supposed to be kissing guys and not girls, then that's okay, too. And if you feel the fireworks, then you'll know."

Yoongi nodded, staring off into the Monongahela below. "I think I've felt that way before," he finally said. "But I've never met the guy."

Namjoon shoved his feelings aside for a moment. "Care to tell me about it?"

"I think -- we talked, like a long time ago, over email. We were into the same things. I'd mail him stuff, too, but I never even really knew his real name or anything. We were online pen pals, at best. But I would boot up my computer like three times a day and have my mom so mad at me, because I'd be hogging the phone line, downloading my email inbox to see if he emailed me back. I -- I never cared about a girl like that, Namjoon. Was I in love with him?"

Yoongi didn't even realize he was crying until Namjoon wiped a tear from his eye. There was no sudden embrace, no sobbing, but Yoongi did lean his head on Namjoon's shoulder and cry for a bit. The still of the morning gave them that peace to do so, a quietness where two lost souls could just sit together.

--

veneer (verb): to cover or disguise with an attractive appearance. Often used in woodworking, sometimes used in regards to one's true nature.