kicks ✓ || namgi || k.th

028: scarred

chapter 28: scarred
location: portland, oregon, day 1

When Namjoon learned they had landed all the way across the country - thousands of miles away - he took the boys out to dinner to celebrate.

Over burgers and beer (one each) and WAY too much cheese, they cheered for themselves, mostly in Korean. Which was fine, because nobody at the Irish pub looked at them sideways. There were all sorts of people in the pub, groups of all sorts. Namjoon even spotted two girls obviously on a date, hand in hand.

"Maybe we should just stay here," he noted, making sure to use Korean so the others around them wouldn't understand. "Nobody seems to mind that we're here. Last couple of places, they've figured it out. And now that the FBI is on the case, we really gotta lay low. We just need this to blow over."

"If our magic van could keep us off the East Coast," Hoseok offered, "then we'd be so phat. We were seen in Oklahoma, then in Maryland. So they probably think we just drove from Oklahoma to Maryland overnight for some reason. That can't happen from Maryland to Oregon, like we just did."

"West Coast it is." Namjoon took a swig of his beer. It was horrible beer, but with the burgers and all that cheese, it didn't taste half bad. "If we end up in an East Coast city, I can always push the supercharged button to get us elsewhere, but...it's been a little touchy since we got tapped. It might be on the verge of broken."

Jimin looked up from his burger. "Broken?"

"I don't want it to be, but if I push it one day and we don't zap away, then we're gonna have to cut our losses and do this the old way. How about this: if the button ever breaks, we'll drive back here to Oregon and find someplace to live, away from the world? For a while, at least." He glanced over at Hoseok. "Let this all blow over."

"Okay," Hoseok said.

"We can't do this forever. But nobody knows about this van of ours. It's literally magic. We'll use that magic as long as we can. I mean, come on. Who's ever heard of a magic van who takes you someplace random and new when you want it to?"

They finished dinner and headed back to the hotel Namjoon had gotten them. Namjoon did his best to put the stress out of his mind. But it was 3 AM, and he still couldn't sleep. Everything was turning in his brain. If the FBI was on the case, perhaps they knew something he didn't. Perhaps they already knew about the magic van. Perhaps they were somehow tracking their location, maybe by satellite.

Maybe they were already doomed.

He wished he had access to the Baepsae archives, but those were back in Korea. What they really needed to do was look more legit: get a different license plate, clean up the van, give it a paint job, make it look newer than it really was. He already knew it had to stay purple: the boys had become too fond of the color. But perhaps it needed a different tint, like lavender or indigo?

"Namjoon."

He turned. Yoongi was standing by his bed. "Can't sleep either?" the older man asked.

Namjoon shook his head. "No. I'm thinking about the logistics of this whole thing."

"You're thinking in fear." Yoongi sat on the edge of Namjoon's bed. Hoseok was out cold. "I think we all are right now. I mean, Hobi was showing it last night. Do you think we should stop running?"

"We can't. We'll get caught. You know what will happen if we get caught. You'll be in prison, Yoongi." Namjoon got out of bed and put his hand on Yoongi's shoulder. "You know we can't do that. You know I can't do that to you. I refuse."

Yoongi nodded. "Yeah. I guess..." He laughed a bit. He had been thinking, as well. "I guess I'll just stay in the closet forever. They can't find me there, right?" He stuck his tongue out.

Namjoon glared until it clicked. "Hey --"

"Yeah, so I apparently shouldn't date girls, who knew?" Yoongi grinned, then laughed. "I guess I'm not fully out of the closet, but I'm peeking my head out or something."

Namjoon tried his best to slow down his heartbeat. "That's good that you figured that out. But whoever you want to come out to, however you want to live your life...that's up to you, Yoongi. I mean, we probably can't have a dating life while on the run from the FBI, but I'm sure it could be worse. Could be one of those sappy direct-to-TV movies that cable channel comes out with. Hobi's obsessed with them."

"Oh, Lifetime or whatever?"

"Yeah." Namjoon gagged. Yoongi laughed. He looked away from Namjoon. The only light in the room was from the alarm clock.

"Nah, I already like someone."

Namjoon froze.

"And I want to reach out to him again. Email him. See if -- see if there was ever anything there before, you know? It's been, like, five years since I've heard from him?"

"Oh, your email friend?" Namjoon asked, remembering from their previous conversation.

Yoongi nodded. "I thought about it, and I figured out I really, really loved him. I was always in love with him. I just didn't know what that looked like in high school. And he's probably moved on and all that shit, but...I just don't feel comfortable moving on myself without telling him how I felt...how I still feel. Five years and nothing has changed. Is that weird?"

Considering Namjoon had known Yoongi for three years and had been in love with him for nearly that entire time, he didn't think it was weird at all. "No."

"It's just...I have no clue where he is now. I searched online, when I first got to Columbia, for weeks. I even started cracking source code on websites to see if I could get a lead, but nothing. It's like he just disappeared off the face of the earth."

"Well, what was his name?" Namjoon asked.

Yoongi shook his head. "He never said his real name. He always used a fake name. It wasn't even Korean, it was just something he made up. I don't even remember the email he used a long time ago. It was just a string of numbers. I knew he was being secretive and hiding who he was from his parents, but all it did was hide him from me now." He started to tear up. "I really -- I really wanted to let him know how much he means to me, and --"

"Well, how about this," Namjoon said, putting his hand on Yoongi's shoulder again. "You can't actually tell him how you feel. But if you get the words out, maybe you'll feel better anyway. It's important that you accept how you feel about this person. So maybe go ask Jungkook if you can borrow a few pages out of his Duke Blue notebook? Better yet, I bet this hotel has stationery in this room somewhere. Take that, and write your love letter to your friend. Maybe that'll make you feel better."

Yoongi nodded, smiling again. "Yeah. I'll do that. When I'm done, can you read it? And then someday, maybe I'll find him on the Internet, and I can send it to him."

Namjoon wasn't sure how he was going to handle Yoongi writing a love letter to some other guy, but what else was he going to do? "Of course I will. Now, try to go back to bed before we wake up Hobi."

"Okay." Yoongi gave Namjoon a quick hug, then went back over to his solitary bed and slipped under the covers. He did feel better, and maybe now he could get some sleep. Just because the Internet didn't have any information about a long-gone underground rapper named Runch Randa didn't mean Yoongi couldn't confess his love to him.

It just meant Randa wouldn't ever hear it.