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035: steady

chapter 35: steady
location: yellowstone national park, wyoming, day 2

The next morning, the seven of them got in the van and drove around Yellowstone. They stopped at every visitor center they could find, but there was no mention of a Sara Dinah or a Sara LaPostale who had signed in as a guest. "We can try again tomorrow," Namjoon told the group, "but after that we should get going. Yellowstone is huge, but it's also federal land. For all we know, the FBI is watching us right now."

They returned to the Grant Visitor Center and Lodge. The older woman at the front desk - Betsy, they had learned - and Maisie were organizing a trip across the park to Old Faithful. "Oh, we have to do that!!" Jungkook yelled, and the others did agree: something as famous as Old Faithful couldn't be missed.

So all seven boys bought bus passes (courtesy of Namjoon) and they all climbed on the bus with tons of other tourists. Jungkook sat squished between two parents and their three kids. Seokjin and Jimin sat in the front, while Yoongi went toward the back hoping for a lonely rear seat. When there were no more seats left, Hoseok sat on Seokjin's lap, and Namjoon, Yoongi, and Taehyung stood in the aisle. Someone started a sing-along of some kid's song none of the boys knew, something about coming around the mountain and cake and ice cream. By the time they arrived, Jungkook and Hoseok 'knew' all of the lyrics.

They arrived at a huge log cabin that served as a visitor center and lodge. The area nearby was completely cleared out, blue sky meeting yellow dirt below. There were benches all around for people to sit on, and Namjoon directed the boys to sit in two separate sections. There was a hole in the ground ahead of them.

"The geyser goes off nearly at the same interval, all of the time," Maisie explained, acting as the group's tour guide. "So we can predict with 90% accuracy when it will go off next. That's why it's called Old Faithful! Right now I have it projected to start in about fourteen minutes."

"The water looks as hot as the hot springs in Incheon," Hoseok told both sections. "But instead of sitting like a spring and being warmed by the earth, it gets trapped and pops out every once in a while to relieve pressure."

They talked amongst each other for a moment, then Jimin tugged on Namjoon's shoulder to get his attention. The hole, so far away, was suddenly bubbling over with steaming water. Then, without warning, it billowed up to the sky, higher and higher, sending steam everywhere. Now Namjoon understood why they were sitting so far back!

The crowd oohed and aahed, watching the geyser as it exploded, growing in height even higher and then eventually petering out. When the geyser was back to normal, everybody clapped, then lost interest. Most of them walked back to the visitor's center, which had an exhibit on Old Faithful itself. Then they stopped by the gift shop, where Jungkook bought a new pen for his Duke Blue notebook.

Instead of taking the bus back, the boys went on a hike instead, walking a mile down the road to a waterfall. They stopped to watch the sights, this time watching the water cascade downward instead of shooting up into the air. Hoseok still wished they had a camera, but if they had the film developed, they would be found out for sure. It was too much of a risk.

They walked back to Old Faithful and took the next bus back to the Grant Lodge. Namjoon made sure the van was still in the parking lot; sure enough, it had not been disturbed. He then double checked the bunks to make sure all of their belongings hadn't been distrubed. But wait -- there was something under his pillow.

Namjoon pulled it out and saw it was a pad of paper from at least three states ago. Two pieces were folded up, and on the other side was Yoongi's handwriting. Hey Namjoon, here it is! Namjoon shook his head and opened up the paper. This had to be that letter Yoongi was writing to that boy he loved a long time ago. He had finally finished it, and instead of sending it to him, since he had no way how, he was just giving it to Namjoon to read instead.

Namjoon scanned for the beginning and started to read.

Hello, Runch Randa.

Namjoon nearly dropped the pad. But he held on, and the world around him turned numb as he continued reading.

I guess you're never gonna actually read this. And that's ok. What's important is that I still write it. How are you? Are you still living the life you want to live? I bet by now you've seen my website, where I shut everything down. After I kept emailing you and not getting an answer...well, I just kind of wanted to quit. I didn't want to play piano anymore. I couldn't compose anything at all. I was a disappointment to my parents, to my distributor, to my agent...but mostly to myself. I couldn't continue on without you, Randa, and I am really sorry for that.

I did my best to not give up on the piano. The piano was my first love, before anybody else. It was always there for me when my parents fell on hard times, or when things were bad at school. So instead of composing music, I focused on mastering the classics. I am now studying abroad, playing piano, and when I come home I hope to someday have a position teaching or performing. I do not know if I will be able to write piano music ever again. But at least I am still playing.

I wish I could know how you are doing after all this time. I guess all I can do is assume you are okay. I miss you, Randa. Even though I never knew your real name, the time I spent with you over email, creating with you, was the greatest time of my life. And I know now that I will never get that back, and I think I understand why now.

I fell in love with you, a long time ago.

But I have to let you go now. You see, it has been so long, and I have never stopped loving you, not for a single day. And that's not fair to you. You are somewhere else entirely, a place where I cannot reach you, with your own life and probably a family of your own. And I have someone new that I've fallen in love with. He's fantastic, Randa, and I wish you could meet him. I want to start something with him, but I don't feel comfortable doing so until I let you go.

So this is hello again, and goodbye at the same time. You changed my life for the better, and no matter where I go in life, I will always remember you. I am happy now. I hope you are happy, too.

You never learned my real name, as I never learned yours. So I leave you with it, as my last gift to you,

Min Yoongi