Love, Lust, and Friendship ♡ A Kim Taehyung ff/smut/short ft Jungkook. |18+|

Chapter 18

Anna POV 

I woke with my face buried in Tae's chest as he held onto me tightly like a koala.
I missed this..I missed him.
Jungkook was a great cuddler..but it never felt the same as it always had with Tae. And they smell different. Jungkook always smelled amazing..but Tae always smelled like home. 

I love Jungkook. He's a great person, and a great friend to me. I hope he stays in my life forever. But I'm in love with Tae..my heart has always only ever belonged to him. And right now, laying in his arms..I still felt the same. 

Maybe we do need more space. 

If I can't get rid of these feelings I don't know what I'll do. 

I pushed his hair to the side and traced his face with my fingertips, he smiled. 
He's awake. 
He kissed my finger tips 
"Good morning babe" he opened his eyes and gave me his boxy smile that I adore so much. 
"Hey" I said softly.
I was unsure if my voice would be shaky or not so I kept it low and short. But I smiled up at him. 
"We should talk.."
I nodded 
"I want to go first..okay?"
I nodded.
"I have a lot to apologize for..none of this would have happened if it weren't for my stupidity. I should have been open and honest with you as soon as I realized..which was honestly a few years ago"

He kissed my forehead and continued

"I'm not telling you this to get us back on track, to make either of us feel better, or to erase what happened okay? Because what I said was wrong. Dead wrong. It was so beyond fucked up..and I don't blame you for leaving" 

I nodded again slowly as the tears streamed down my face. 

"I'm in love with you Anna..I have been..probably for our entire lives. I didn't realize it until a few years ago, when I wanted to move but couldn't because I couldn't picture my life without you. I cried so hard just imagining it..and then when you agreed to come with me I thought my heart was going to combust. I was too scared to tell you. I used our drunken nights to tell you with my body, but I should have said it with my words. For that I apologize. I also apologize for what I said to Jungkook.. I was still too afraid to admit it to anyone that I panicked and said whatever I could to sound cold towards the situation. I didn't want to hurt you. Ever "

He had tears streaming down his face as he confessed and my heart was beating too fast. I felt dizzy. 

"And then..the whole Becca thing happened the night you cooked dinner for us.. I had thought you and Jungkook slept together..and I was so sick and angry, I had no right to be. But I was. I wanted to fuck the pain away and when Becca offered and I thought the apartment was empty..I caved. After you left, so did she. I was fucked up after that. I knew I broke you. And I couldn't live with myself. Hence why the apartment got so bad and why I was drunk every day. Her boyfriend found out that we almost had sex and threw her out which is how she ended up in my room, I had already taken over yours. I felt like shit.. I didn't want to go on without you. But I decided to fight for you instead of pushing you away which is why I accepted the situation between you and Jungkook. I know..what happened. And I know what he said. He was wrong..but again. I blame myself"
He choked on his sobs as he tried to wipe his face, I was crying harder as I listened to his side of the story. 

It doesn't make it right.
But it does make sense. 
He handled the same fears I had all along..just differently. 

"Tae.." I whispered and he wailed, he cried harder than I had ever seen him cry in our entire lives 

"No Anna..I know what you're going to say"
He started hyperventilating as the sobs got louder, I held him tightly as he cried "you'll tell me that you're in love with me too and that everything is okay" 

My eyes widened at his words

"You knew?" 
"When Jimin told me you and kook hadn't had sex..he told me that you were in love with me too.." 
"I've been in love with you since we were kids..why do you think I followed you thousands of miles away from home?" 
He shook his head 
"But it's not okay Anna. I hurt you..I said something awful that set off this ugly chain of events and you deserve better" 
"But I want you" I sobbed "I have only ever wanted you" I smacked his chest as I cried. 

He confessed.
I confessed. 
Why can't we just be together now and live happily ever after? 

"We have to start being more open with each other about our real feelings" 
"Agreed" I sniffled 
"I'm so sorry for everything Anna"
"I accept your apology..and I'm sorry too" 
"I accept your apology" he sniffled and kissed my forehead.