Benjey~ him and I forever

17

BENJIS POV

Its been a year since Jorge died. I haven't let go of it yet. I don't think I ever will. It hurts so bad. Every day I pray and hope that he will walk through our dorm door and we will cuddle and watch the little mermaid, but I know it wont happen.

Its my second year of college. I wanted to drop out but I know Jorge wouldn't want me to drop out so I didn't. I miss him so much. I miss the feeling of his lips on mine. I miss the feeling of his arms wrapped around me.

I visit his grave everyday and every time I go I cry. Every week I bring a new bouquet of flowers. I have thought of just ending everything but again I know Jorge wouldn't want me to. He would want me to live my life to the fullest but it's hard to live life without him. I don't sleep often and I barley eat.

I have a new dorm mate. His name is Carlo. He is nice I guess. He makes sure im okay and makes sure that I eat.

I pay for his phone still just so I can hear is voice. I call his phone and he doesn't answer but I can hear his voice recorded message at the end. Every time I hear it I cry. I just want to hold him one more time.

"Benji did you eat today" Carlo asked. I just nodded and went back to watching The little mermaid. I watch it so often because it reminds me of Jorge. He sighed

"Benji do you want to talk about this? Do you want to talk about him" He asked. Carlo only knows that he died but he doesn't know the full story. I shook my head no. I also don't talk much.

"Are you sure? It might help" I sighed but gave in. He sat on his bed which was across from mine.

"In high school we hated each other. At a party we almost hooked up but I got scared because I grew up thinking being gay was wrong. After that party I bullied him everyday but I don't know why. Then when I came to college he was my dorm mate and we still hated each other so one day I went to Starbucks and met this guy named Grayson. We went on a date then on our second date he tried to take advantage of me and Jorge saved me from him. Then that night I kissed him. I asked him out a few days later. The day later Grayson kidnapped him and when I went to find him Grayson tried to take advantage of me again but the cops showed up" I explained and he looked shocked.

"Wow that is a lot" He said

"Oh that isn't all of it" I told him

"If you want to can you explain the rest" I nodded.

"Well a few months after that he was bailed out and he sent a guy to chase us and we were fine but then he texted me saying that we were lucky that time but we wont be lucky the next time. The next day I woke up to a call from the hospital saying he got hit by a car and that it he was in a coma. He was in that coma for a month and then he woke up but a week later he said he was tired and that he felt light headed. Then the next thing I knew he flat lined and I was being pulled out of his hospital room. I didn't even get to tell him I loved him one last time" I was crying by the end of it.

"Hey shh its okay" He moved to sit next to me. He cupped his face in my hands and wiped the tear with his thumb. He kissed my forehead then cheek and then one soft kiss on my neck. Sure Carlo was nice but I wasn't ready to move on.

Then he did something I didn't expect. He leaned in and he kissed me. I didn't kiss him back. He pulled away quickly.

"I- Im sorry I know you aren't ready to move on im sorry" He apologized.

"Its fine im just going to go for a walk" I walked out of our dorm and to Jorge's grave.

Once I got there I sat down in front of it. It was dark out and cold but I didn't care.

"Jorge Im so sorry. I didn't kiss him back I promise. God I miss you so much baby. I hate living without you so I'll see you soon Babe" I left the grave yard and got in my car.

I drove all the way to the mackinaw bridge. I know Jorge wants me to live life but I cant without him.

I parked my car and went to the edge of the bridge. I was about to jump when I heard a voice call out to me

"Hey Benji stop don't do that" I turned around and was shocked

"Jorge"

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Word count: 867 Date: 6-3-20
Hey guys, I would never kill off Jorge. I Thought about it but realized that would be boring.

If you saw the part I posted earlier I didn't like it and I like this one better so yeah

Have a great day/ night💕