EPHEMERAL LOVE

33

Habang nasa byahe, I remain silent and just look out the window while Gab's busy driving. "Hey, what's that on your neck?" Lumingon ako kay Gab dahil sa tanong niya. "What is it?" I asked him, again he glance at my neck and pointed to some parts of it while continue driving.

Kinuha ko ang cellphone ko sa bag para tignan ang tinutukoy nya, only to find out that his pertaining about my hickey's. I bitterly smile at it before answering him "Malamok kasi doon sa pinagtirikan ng sasakyan kaya pinagpyestahan ako ng mga lamok," pagpapalusot ko and avoid his gaze.

Mukha namang naniniwala siya sakin ng tumango tango siya "Let's put some ointment on that later, makati ba?" umiling iling nalang ako sakanya bilang sagot at nanatiling tahimik sa buong byahe.

Mga ilang oras din bago kami nakarating sa bahay, as I entered the house one loud voice came out. "Mommy, I miss you!" she runs towards me and hugged me so tight. The feeling of unusual pain in my chest fades away when Cybelle touches me, it's giving me a lot of comfort.

"Kamusta ang baby ni mommy sorry if hindi nakauwi si mommy kagabi ah we got stranded baby kasi may bagyo" pagpapaliwanag ko sakanya.

She just smiled at me, "It's ok mommy I understand naman po I just miss you mommy," she hug me so tight making me smile. Pagkatapos niya ako yakapin i open my bag para ibigay sakanya ang pasalubong kong pastillias at inabot ko din yong dalawang mango chips kay Gab at Nay baby.

Gab stayed in our house for the rest of the day just to play with Cybelle. He really loves children, and he an ideal Husband material but too bad I've fallen in love with someone and it's not him.

We were sitting at the sala watching a movie. "Blace, would you go to your work tomorrow?" Gab asks suddenly. "Oo naman bakit?" I was eating some pastillas while answering him.

"Lunch tayo ulit bukas sunduin kita bawal tumangi period," sobrang bilis ng pagkakasabi niya hindi niya man lang ako hinayaang mag salita kaya nanahimik nalang ako at hinayaan siya. 

Time check it's 11 pm in the evening I'm still awake beside my daughter in our bed. I can't sleep because every time I closed my eyes Cj's face will pop up. At hindi ko kaya na makita siya, andon parin kasi ako sa punto na nagsisisi ako dahil hinayaan kong may mangyari samin at hindi ko inisip na may girlfriend na siya.

It was so stupid of me, but I can't lie to myself even if ilang beses kong sabihin na mali yong ginawa namin something inside felt it was so right and I don't like that something.

Dahil yong something na iyon ay binibigyan ako ng pagasa kay Cj but i need to control my wholeness. I have to avoid him for the sake of his relationship, I look at my daughter and kiss her before going to sleep.

Kinabukasan I wake up early in the morning to prepare Cybelle's meal and for her lunch after that hinatid kona siya sa school and tumuloy sa hotel. Remember Blace, you have to avoid him.

Pagpasok ko sa suit niya andon na siya at nagtitimpla siya ng kape i glance at him for a seconds but choose to avoid him and focused on work. I didn't talk too much when he asking something, I will just answer him with Yas, No, Ok sir, and nothing else.

"Blace, did you eat lunch," lumapit siya sa lamesa ko kaya agad rin akong tumayo at kinuha ang phone ko and bag sinukbit ko iyon sa balikat ko. I avoid his gaze by looking at the floor, "I'll have a lunch outside sir I better go," malamig na pagkakasabi ko sa kanya at nilagpasan na siya.

I went straight to the restaurant beside the hotel and see Gab there hinihintay niya ako at paglapit ko sa lamesa namin may mga pagkain ng nakahanda sa lamesa "Hindi ka naman kasi pumipili ng kakainin mo kaya ako na ang nagorder para sayo," he winked at me after saying those making me chuckle a little.

We eat and talk the whole time after we eat lunch hinatid niya ulit ako sa hotel at umalis na rin siya. I went straight to my table as I enter the suit, the whole day Cj attempts to talk to me but I choose not too.

Gaya kanina he was about to hold my hands when i handed him the papers but iniwas ko agad sa kanya iyon. "Blace," he called for my name but I act like I didn't hear him. I stand up and go to the bathroom to avoid the conversation with him, I was doing this the whole day.

Isasara ko na ang pinto ng bathroom ng bigla siyang humarang doon, my eyes waded and didn't expect that coming. His eyes were dark, his jaw clenched, and step inside the bathroom with me.

"Sir if you'll excuse me I need to use the bathroom for a while," I coldly said and push him outside of the bathroom.

Sa pagtulak ko sa kanya hinuli niya ang kamay ko at ginamit yong oras na iyon para tuluyang pumasok sa loob, nagpupumiglas ako sakanya ng hawakan niya ang kamay ko, I tried my very best para makawala sa kanya but he just push me to the sink and put my hands behind my back.

Nakaharap ako ngayon sa sink at nasalikuran ko siya, our eyes met in the reflection of the mirror infront of us. Hindi ako nakahinga ng maramdaman ko ang hininga niya sa tenga ko.

"Why are you avoiding me?" malalim ang pakakatanong niya sakin and his eyes was dangerous. I avoid his gaze and deny what he said "Sir hindi po totoo 'yan," I act like an innocent woman who doesn't understand what he said.

He takes a deep breath bago tumingin ulit sa aking mga mata "Bakit mo ako iniiwan?" this time tinagalog niya na at mas lalong nakakatakot ang dating nito para saakin para bang kutsilyong nakatutok sa Akin ang mga salita niya, that anytime I'll move i will get stab by the knives.

Bumaba ang ulo niya papunta saking mga balikat and leave some soft kisses, I was watching him in the mirror while his doing that, and fuck I don't understand myself I wanted him to stop but at the same time, I wanted him so bad.

"Tell me, Blace, bakit mo ko iniiwasan pagkatapos ng nangyari sa atin," he continue on kissing, sucking and licking my shoulder up to my neck. Ganun pa lang ang ginagawa niya sobrang lakas na ng hila sa buong sistema ko.

"Dahil hindi tama ito," I manage to answer him and I bite my lower lip to control the sensation I'm feeling right now. "Anong mali," he said and lick my earlobe, I covered my mouth using the back of my hands to avoid making sounds.

Mali ito Cj at alam kong pagpinagpatuloy natin ito aasa lang ako sayo kahit na ang totoo hindi na kita maaabot. "Mali ito lahat ng ito you were not supposed to kiss me because you have your girlfriend," he was resuming sucking my neck like a thirsty vampire.

"N0,o Blace you are the only thing that's right for me," as he said that he grabs my chest and his other hand pull my face so that he could kiss my lips from behind. We were enjoying the company of each others lips, at bigla akong naluha dahil pakiramdam ko sobrang tama nito kahit na ang totoo ay mali. I gather all my strength to push him and I successfully push him and face him.

"Hindi tama ito Perez, wag mo akong paasahin at paglaruan sa mga galaw mo, oo alam kong alam mo na mahal pa 'rin kita pero kung hindi mo na ako mahal, pwedi bang tigilan mo nalang ako at hayaan!" I burst out of madness dahil masyado na akong kinakain ng galit sa sarili ko dahil alam kong hindi tama ang ginagawa namin pero gustong gusto ito ng buong sistema ko.

Gulong gulo na ako at ayaw kong umasa kay Cj dahil alam kong wala na kami at meron na siyang future ngayon kasama ang babaeng iyon. "Hindi, hinayaan na kita noon pero hindi na ngayon," he pull my face and forced a kiss.