My Angel

Angel 19

"Juaches can you go to your room first? Mommy and I will just talk" lukob na ako ng sobrang takot ng sabihin niya yon sa anak namin pagdating dito sa condo.

"Okay po daddy, but promise me to not make Mommy cry." nagkatitigan muna sila at napailing nalang si Matheo habang papasok si Juaches sa kwarto.

Malakas ang kabog ng aking dibdib dahil sa takot. Ito ang iniiwasan kong mangyari, komprontasyon. I'm still weak. Hindi ako natatakot dahil baka saktan niya ako, no Matheo can't do that. Natatakot ako sa mapag uusapan.

Galing sa pagkakaduko inangat ko ang aking mukha at nagtagpo ang aming mga mata. I see millions of emotion in his eyes that I can't name. Not even one. His cold demeanor makes me nervous in where I am standing. His face is too dark that I gulp hard.

"Why are you with him?" Matigas na tanong niya habang hindi pinuputol ang titig sa akin. Umiwas ako ng tingin at napailing.

"Why do you care? And it's not your fucking business. So stop meddling" nilapatann ko ng inis ang aking boses para maitago ang panginginig ko.

"Oh angel it's my business when we're talking about you. All about you is my damn business" mariin ang pagkakabigkas niya sa bawat salita na lumalabas sa kanyang bibig.

"We just bump into each other at the supermarket okay? Stop being like that! You're not even my boyfriend!" Nagpipigil na akong mabulyawan siya at baka marinig kami ni Juaches sa kwarto.

I don't want my son to see us like this. Fighting.

He sighed.

"You forgot that we didn't broke up right? So I'm still your goddamn fucking boyfriend!" Kita sa kanyang itsura ang labis na pagpipigil ng emosyon.

And I felt guilty all of the sudden.

'What the heck Tamara, why are you feeling like that? Baka nakakalimutan mo ang sakit at hirap na dinanas mo sa nakalipas na panahon?'

'I did not forget it, okay?'

'And what the hell are you explaining so hard to him?''

'I don't know!'

My inner self is also fighting about him. Nag aaway na nga kami ng harap harapan pati ba naman ang sarili ko sa kaloob looban?

"Oh gosh nasti-stress na ako sayo! Stop pushing it! We're not together!" Napahilot ako sa noo dahil sa inis.

Lumamlam ang kanyang tingin sa akin. Ang kaninang matigas niyang mukha ay lumambot at parang binagsakan ng matigas na bagay at nanghihinang napaupo sa sofa.

"What did I do wrong for you to be like this?" Nahihirapang tanong nito, "PLEASE ANSWER ME!"

Napaupo naman ako dahil nanginginig ang aking binti. I'm preventing myself to cry in front of him but my tears betrayed me. They are flowing freely on my face. Napahikbi na ako sa sobrang pagpipigil na mapalakas ang iyak. I don't want Juaches to see me crying. Marahas ko na pinunasan ang aking mga luha, pero talagang matigas din sila at patuloy lang sa pagbuhos.

"You want to know?" Humihikbi na tanong ko sa kanya. Nang tumango ito, I inhaled sharply then exhaled. "You cheated on me."

Narinig ka ang malakas niyang pagsinghap. Napapailing pa ito na parang nadismaya. "I didn't cheated on you Angel, I bet my wealth to that."

Sure na sure niyang pag amin.

"Then why you didn't fucking contact me for almost a week just to let me know that you're okay, alive, and still breathing like a brute, and when I took the initiative calling you...." bumuhos ulit ang aking masaganang mga luha ng maalala ang araw na iyon at lumanghap ng hangin dahil feeling ko mamamatay na ako sa kawalan ng hangin. Tinaas ko ang aking kamay senyales na huwag siyang lalapit ng tumayo ito. "I called... I c-alled you and someone answered it." garalgal na boses kong sabi. "She said that you're asleep because of your wildness and that you're tired! Just WHAT THE FUCK!" mura ko sa sakit. "Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako dinurog non. I called because I want to confirm it and to tell myself that you can not cheat on me because you loved me. Before calling you that day I accidentally saw an article about you with a girl."

Seryoso siyang nakatitig sa akin habang nilalabas ko lahat. Para matuloy-tuloy ko ang sinasabi ay nagiwas ako ng tingin sa kanya. Kahit nahihirapan ay tinuloy ko pa rin.

"You know what happened to me. My father left us for another woman. Si Kian... sabihin na nating hindi ko siya gaanong mahal pero nasaktan pa din ako dahil sa panggagamit niya sa akin." Sinuklay ko ang aking buhok gamit ang mga daliri "and then I thought you are different. You make a fool out of me! You got engaged while doing business deal? Tangina! Buntis na ako noon excited pa naman akong sabihin sayo! Ha!" I paused. "Finally engaged and getting married! Jerk!" Sarkastiko kong sabi at binulyawan ko na siya this time.

I don't care anymore. I just want to relieve myself of this feeling I've been keeping for so long.

"JUACHES DO NOT GO OUT OF THAT ROOM!" Sigaw ko ng marinig ang paggalaw ng doorknob.

Buti nalang at sumunod ang aking anak. I don't want him to get involved in our fight. I know Juaches understands, he's a smart boy.

"You really think I'll be engaged to someone that it's not you?" Salita niya makalipas ang ilang segundong katahimikan.

"What do I know? Nagawa mo nga diba?"

"Then your assumptions were wrong all this time" aniya.

"Oh please stop denying it!" Bulyaw ko sa kanya.

"I'm not denying anything! For fuck sake Angel. It would be incest if that happens!" He smirked.

Naguluhan ako sa sinabi niya. Then why is he with her in that picture? Fuck I know there's something between them. Still has the guts to deny it in my face.

"It's my cousin in my mother's side. Nathalie just got engaged to the man I'm talking to." Nag ngising aso siya ng mapasinghap ako.

"Your joking!" Inis na sagot ko. "Just please stop joking, it's not making me feel any better."

"Do I look like I'm joking to you?" Napailing ako.

Hindi pa din naniniwala sa sinabi niya. How? When I've been through that pain, sinong maniniwala sa sinabi niya ngayon?

Pero ng tignan ko ulit ang kanyang mukha ay seryoso itong nakatingin sa akin. His serious. Oh fuck! If it's true then, I'm assuming things! "Yes you're assuming things so much and decide to leave without confronting me." Kalma na ang itsura niya ngayon. Parang napanatag sa lahat, like he knows what I am thinking.

"Then who's the woman who answered my call that night? Why is she telling me that you're tired and y-you're wild?" I stuttered "And she also told me that my number is not registered to your contacts?" Napabalik ang galit na aking nararamdaman.

Napabuntong hininga siya saka ako tinignan mata sa mata.

"My phone got run over by a car, thank god the sim is safe. It took me long enough to buy a new one. When I inserted the sim to my new phone it's empty then I realized that all my contacts and messages are only saved on my phone not on the sim. That's why when you call there's no name...

"And also the woman who answered the call is my sister Angeline and I'm tired because I've drunk a lot and got wild on her 22nd birthday. Kumpleto kaming pamilya non. It's only my family that gathered that time."

Oh shit TAMARA MARIE! You really forgot that he asked permission that time that he will go home to their house after the business deal. His family is living in cebu. Napa faced palm nalang ako sa katangahan.

"You should calm down right now. Ako na naman ang malalagot sa anak natin." Nagitla ako ng maramdaman ang mga kamay niyang pinapalis ang mga natirang luha sa aking pisngi. Hindi ko namalayang nakalapit na siya sa akin.

"I will be in trouble when your son will see you like this" natatawa niyang sabi.

Napailing nalang ako at napa ngiti. Ang bilis ko naman mapangiti ng gagong ito, narinig lang ang paliwanag niya but still there's a little part of me doesn't believe what he said.

"We're good okay? It's all settled? Wala ka ng problemang tinatago tungkol sa akin?" Napatango ako at saka niya ako hinigit para mayakap ng higpit. Natawa nalang ako. Ang bilis grabe, parang kanina lang nagsisigawan kaming dalawa.

"But we're not back together."

Napaungol naman siya ng marinig iyon. Lumabas naman si Juaches at tumatakbong pumunta sa amin at sumampa sa aking kandungan para makayakap rin.

"Go away dad you made mommy cry, so mommy is mine! Stop holding her" napanguso nalang si Matheo sa sinabi ng anak.

                 ~Imnotyours_48~