BREATHE FOR ME

Chapter 13: The Garden Of A Thousand Lights

By seven o'clock that evening, my anxiety is out of the roof. I feel oddly nervous, like the danger of Lorrie's lifestyle has finally sunk in after he told me this morning. The old, too comfortable Gen begins to override my body. I've spent all day processing the information he has told me, analysing every angle, obsessing over his situation. I've considered every moment that we've spent together, every word we've spoken, stressing myself out about the fact that he could be right. What if we do belong in different worlds? What if he can never really be mine? Can I really handle his reality? I reminisce over my conversation with Morgan about Thea. Will I end up like her? Could I do that to my family? Haven't they been through enough already?

Hours later, I have successfully worked myself up to the point that I just end up telling my head to shut up. If there's one thing that I've learnt this past week, it is that over-thinking only ever leads to one thing: self-destruction. I'm allowed to go out with a boy. The boy who makes me feel alive. The boy that makes me feel good after years of feeling bad. The boy that illuminates the colours of the spectrum.

The boy that is trapped inside of his reality, desperate to be normal, just like me.

As I sit up at the kitchen table with Mom and Maddie, watching them finish off their noodles, I take a deep breath, allowing some of the tightness in my throat to ease off. I told them all, including Gran and George, as soon as I got home about my plans with a boy, receiving a very shocked reaction. Gran actually thought I was teasing them all, trying to make them laugh. Once they realised I was telling the truth, it was like total Fletcher lockdown. I thought Mom was going to start crying tears of joy at the possibility of me going on a real life 'date' (I daren't tell her that it's not, she might not let me go). George went into full almost-granddaughter protection mode, explaining in detail exactly what he'll do to Lorrie's teeth and eyes if he hurts me. Gran continued laughing, making jokes about how it's been less than two weeks yet Maddie and I are already slowly turning the family Italian. Maddie immediately grabbed my hand, leading me up to my room where she helps me decide on a cute outfit. She also asks a lot of questions regarding Lorrie, I answer them all truthfully, if not a little euphemistically, leaving out all of the Rose Street business. She seems satisfied by my answers, leaving me to get ready.

Now, sitting in my little blue summer dress, the one that Lorrie called pretty, and my white converse high-tops, I start to tap my foot excitedly as the familiar roar of an engine rips up the street. The noise gets louder as it gets closer, causing my stomach to knot itself repetitively. Maddie raises an eyebrow and glimpses out of the kitchen window once the roar dies out.

"Nice bike." She whispers, turning to give Mom an appreciative nod. Mom sneaks up behind her and nods approvingly, turning to give me a bright smile. A smile full of happiness and hope for the future. The knots in my stomach begin to ease off.

"Be safe but have fun." She says, coming over to me as I rise, and giving me a kiss on the head. "Home before midnight please."

"Bye guys, love you both." I shout, letting myself out just as Lorrie reaches the bottom of the steps. He looks as beautiful as ever, still wearing his leather bike jacket and a pair of grey skinny jeans, like some kind of rock star. As I make my way down the steps towards him, he leans against the bricks lining the staircase, letting out a low whistle.

"Girl, you know how to wear a dress." He says, gazing from the tips of my high-tops to the top of my dark hair. I left it loose tonight so that I could wear the helmet. He grins, obviously satisfied with my appearance. "Especially this one." He adds a little quieter as I reach him at the bottom of the steps. He looms over me so that I have to crane my neck to meet his eyes. It's easy to forget how tall he is when you're busy trying to put a sentence together in your head. I let out a little laugh instead, pushing lightly at his chest so that he moves out of the way.