Broken Memories

Chapter Four

I couldn't understand what had just happened. I thought back through the night's events, as I got ready for bed. No, don't start over analysing things, I scolded myself.

I slipped into bed and tried to settle to sleep but my thoughts were just whirling through my mind. I sat up and checked the time "02:15" the clock on my mobile glared at me. I must get some sleep, I moaned to myself. Despite the alcohol I was wide awake now and couldn't stop thinking about Jason and what he'd said and more importantly what he hadn't said. I got up and walked over to my handbag and fished out the book I'd started reading on the train down to Bournemouth. I climbed back into bed and settled down to read. Reading was a good distraction usually and hopefully the rather dull chick-lit would send me off to sleep. Within half an hour the book had the desired effect and I thankfully put the book on the bedside table and switched off the side light.

"Umm, I've got something to tell you Becs" Jason looked very serious and nervous at the same time. My stomach lurched and I felt tears pricking my eyes. "Don't cry, not now! Not here! Not in front of him!" I silently pleaded to myself. I force myself to look him straight in the eye.

"Yes?" I say blankly. Dreading his next words.

"Umm...I...we...I...I think we should have a break" Jason looks at me, then quickly looks away.

"We've been spending so much time together recently and I really need to concentrate on this acting course...It'll just be for a few weeks, just while I get settled into it" He said the last part in a rush, as though saying it quickly would lessen the hurt.

"Oh, ok" I murmured. My heart broke.

He'd said it, what I'd been dreading for weeks now.

Only a break? No...I knew this was for good. He was dumping me!

I wanted to shout at him, slap him, ask him what was the real reason for crushing my heart into dust.

But I didn't.

Jason looked at me sadly and when he saw my tears, he gathered me into his arms and we just stood there, as I quietly sobbed.

I wake up trembling.

I lie in the dark and as my body calms down I realise my face is wet - I'd been crying in my sleep.

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Jason lay in bed, dozing intermittently. Fragments of dreams were disturbing his sleep.

He turned over and glanced at the clock on the bedside table, it was 3am. He sat up and turned on the bedside light. Running his hand though his hair, he got up and pulled on the hotel bathrobe which was slung over the back of the chair near the bed. He went over to the desk and hunted around for some paper and a pen. Eventually he found them and sat down and hastily scribbled a note. He got up from the desk and left the room. He walked along to the stairway and hurried down to the 3rd floor, where Beccy's room was. Then he hesitated, which room was it? He knew where Clair's room was as he'd seen Beccy come out of there but as he'd not stayed to see Beccy to her door he realised he didn't have a clue which one it was. Jason stood in the corridor, rubbing his chin, trying to decide what to do.

He must get the note to her somehow. He didn't want to leave things as they were. He realised that he wanted to see her again though he wasn't sure if she'd agree, but he knew he had to try despite the apparent brush-off when they'd said good-night.

He wandered up to Clair's room and thought about pushing the note under her door. Would she remember to give it to Beccy though? She'd probably have a hang-over and may forget or even not see it? Umm, he pondered a bit more.

He decided against it. He went back up to his room, but he was still wanted to leave a message for Beccy. He decided to ring down to reception to see if the night porter was around and maybe could pass on a message? The phone rung several times before a voice at the other end answered.

"Hello, reception. How may I help you?" The voice sounded sleepy.

"Hello, this is Mr Orange in room 410. Could you take a message for me, to pass on to Miss Rebecca...." Jason stopped...

"What if she's married? I only know her maiden name" Jason thought to himself. The idea of Beccy being married, made Jason's heart sink.

"Miss Rebecca Spencer" Jason continued. "Certainly sir, which room number please?" The night porter asked.

"Umm, sorry I only know her room is on the 3rd floor" Jason answered apologetically.

"Now I sound like some kind of stalker!" Jason thought to himself.

"Oh I see" the night porter sounded a little suspicious now.

"She's checking out early tomorrow, so she'll go to the reception desk to check out I should think" Jason suggested.

"OK, I'll take your message and put a note on the computer for the morning receptionist." offered the night porter.

"Thank you!" Jason almost sighed with relief.

Jason ditated his message to him, asking Beccy to phone him on the number he incuded. He didn't want to pressurise her too much, so left it up to her when she should call him, if she did.

He thanked the night porter for his help and hung-up.

Jason took off his robe and got back into bed. He felt better but still anxious. After all these years, would Beccy be interested? Especially after the way he'd ended things. He wouldn't blame her if she never contacted him but suddenly the thought of not seeing her again was unthinkable. It was suddenly so important to him and he hoped she'd give him a chance to make amends or at least apoligise to her for all the hurt he caused her back then.

Jason switched off the light and lay down. Eventually he fell asleep but had a strange dream of being on a ship in the middle of a storm and not being able to get off the ship as it started to sink.

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I'm up by 7am and so is Clair who is surprisingly clear-headed, we meet up in the dining room and have a light breakfast.

Afterwards we go back to our rooms and quickly pack. I go to Clair's room after packing my case and sit on the bed as Clair puts on her coat and shoes.

"Right, I'm ready" Clair announces.

"Let's go then, the train is due at the station at 8:30" I say as I get up and walk over to the door.

Clair pulls open the door and holds it open for me. We get the lift down to reception. I have half hoped I'd see Jason at breakfast but maybe he was having a lie-in as he didn't need to be a Howard's till lunchtime? I feel a little upset but brush it off after remembering the dream I had last night of our parting.

"Git" I mutter to myself, but not very convincingly.

We go over to the reception desk to check out.

"Oh, just a moment" The receptionist passes over an envelope. "Thank you" I say, looking at it rather puzzled.

As we wait for our cab to the station I look at the unfamiliar writing on the envelope. I wonder what's in it. Perhaps it's vouchers or a special offer from the hotel? I tear open the envelope and pull out the note inside. I turn it over. My heart lurches. It was from Jason! I read it quickly and gasp for air.

Clair looks at me concerned, "You ok?" She asks.

"Yes, yes, it's nothing" I reply and stuff the note in the waste-paper bin next to the chair I'm sitting on.