The German

21. Incidental possibilities

Chapter 21: Incidental Possibilities.

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My surroundings are quiet as Jake and Collin are still asleep. I feel like I have been punched in the gut with a sharp emptiness inside where leon has left.
Why would he do this to me? Why would he kiss her? And if she kissed him why would he let her?

Before I could feel them I found tears streaming down my face and I can't do anything to stop them.

I stand up and adjust my dress from last night before grabbing my shoes and sneaking out the back of the garage at Sylvia's house. I look like I'm doing the walk of shame, in last nights dress with messed up hair and make up. But right now I couldn't care less, All I wanna do is get home, at least there I'm away from Leon. He would never look for me there because he knows I would never go back there, which is exactly why I have to.
Maybe my parents have noticed I'm gone and miss me, or maybe they are still fighting and just haven't even realised I haven't been home for over 5 weeks. I think I've stopped counting.
If Robbie hurts me I'll just have to take it. I can't be bothered fighting any more.

I can't be bothered living any more.
I just wanna run away.
I just wanna give up.

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I climbed in my bedroom window to my messed up room. If I'm moving back, I've gotta clean up don't I?
I pick up all my clothes on the floor and put them in the washing bin, swiped all the glass from my broken photos, into a bin before making my bed and pushing my TV back up.
That'll have to do for now.

*tap tap*
"Julia? Are you home?" A soft voice of a man spoke. I cleared my throat.

"Yeah."

"Can I come in?"

"Sure." i repositioned myself on my bed to stare at the roof and my dream catcher hanging above my bed.

"Where have you been?"

"At a friends." I reply in monotone.

"Okay. I'm sorry if we scared you away. I know we have been fighting heaps but I can tell you it's gonna come to an end."

"What?" I sat up to look at him.

"Your mum and I are getting a divorce."

"Okay." I reply nonchalantly. I really don't care right now. I just feel back in my position on the bed. I can't be fucked with anything any more.

"You okay?"

"Yeah". No

"I just wanna make sure you're alright."

"Well I'm fine." Since when have you cared.

"Okay well I'm moving out in the next few days. I already have my own place and-"

"Can you just leave now?" I cut him off because I don't want to listen to him any more.

"Oh. okay." He sounded hurt but stood up and left anyway.

My eyes darted into the direction of the one thing I always kept to remind myself not to go back.
I can't resist it. I'm hurting so much and it's the only thing that makes me feel better. I have to.

I reach for it in my side draw hidden under some photos.

I just-
Need to-
Just one-

It's cold on my skin as i place it down and slide it across my arm in a long dash. I repeat it a few times until.

"Fuck." It's bleeding so much. It never bleeds this much it's- um- ow- fuck I think I've hit an vein or artery or something, holy fuck I don't even know what they are called.
What do I do?
It won't stop.

"Help!" I try to shout but I'm feeling light headed.
My usually white sheets are turning read.

"Help me!" I try again this time a little louder, trying to get the attention of anyone.
"Mum?
Dad?
Robbie?
Please!"

I feel light headed and my eyes start flickering to shut.

"Julia? HOLY FUCK JULIA! Don't close your eyes okay. Stay with me. Stay with me I'll get you help okay. You're goin -

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A/N: this is a really short chapter but I think It's a good one. Shout out to my bby girl Morgan love you hun.