Too Classic for Him

VII. Creep

When you were here before

Couldn't look you in the eye

You're just like an angel

Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather

In a beautiful world

I wish I was special

You're so fuckin' special

But I'm a creep

I'm a weirdo

What the hell am I doing here?

Lumabas ako ng kwarto. I saw Dominic's face lit up a little. He smiled at me hesitantly. He was watching random Pinoy action movies. Tumayo siya nung nakita niya akong papunta sa kusina. Two days akong di lumabas ng kwarto. Oh no, wrong. Lumalabas lang ako pag-madaling araw na at alam kong tulog na siya. At hindi rin siya lumabas buong weekend. At pinaglulutuan niya pa rin ako. Of course, I'm still eating the food he cooks. Hindi naman ako nagpapakamatay no.

I wasn't suicidal just because he didn't like me. And still doesn't like me.

I know it was too childish of me—to ignore him just because he thinks my presents are trash.

"T-Trish?" Mahina niyang tawag sa gilid ko. "Sorry na."

Hindi ko pa din siya pinapansin. I walked past him as if he was air.

"Trish?" Pagmamakaawa nito. I took out a plate and put rice on it.

"Ako na mag-iinit ng ulam. Nagluto ako kanina ng Kaldereta. Hindi ko masyadong inanghangan. Hindi ko alam kung mahilig ka sa spicy."

Inunahan ako nitong pumunta sa ref. "Umupo ka na dyan."

Tumaas lalo yung kilay ko. I sat down and watched him quickly re-heat the food. Binuksan niya yung ref at naglabas ng juice. "Tinimplahan din kita ng fruit juice." Mahina nitong sabi. Parang batang may kasalanan na bumabawi. Parang humaplos iyon sa puso ko. I sighed quietly. And I sighed again.

The food is in the table and he stared at me. His face seems too scared to even speak. Tinitigan ko siya ng matagal at sumubo ng kalderata at kanin. "Hmmm..." Bulong ko. "Masarap. I like spicy food." Mahina kong sabi.

I looked up and saw a smile forming his face. And that moment I felt like I've forgiven him. Though I know there was nothing to forgive.

Uupo na siya sa katabi kong upuan ng tinitigan ko ulit siya ng masama. Mabilis siyang tumayo.

"Sit." Turo ko. Napalunok ito. At parang narealize yung sitwasyon naming. I would have laughed at his reaction. And he shook his head. I knew that he was feeling frustrated at me right now.

"I'm sorry, Trish. Hindi ko alam na galing sayo ang mga iyon at—" He started speaking so fast. Itinaas ko yung kutsara na parang sinasabing stop.

"Why are you even sorry?"

Natigilan ito. At parang nabigla din. I just felt kind of sad for Dominic. And for myself. I know. Sadly, I felt like Dominic's seeing me as her older sister. Someone he felt safe with – an older sister that he could take care of. It didn't feel anywhere near attraction at all.

I sighed again.

"It should be me who's saying sorry."

"Hindi ba... galit ka? Ayokong makapanakit ng damdamin ng tao... lalo na ng babae Trish. I'm sorry." Sincere na tinignan niya ako. Bumuka yung bibig niya at malungkot na tumingin sa akin. He looked so cute and so sad.