Everything I wanted her to know.

The Talk At The Hospital.

After a while Natasha, woke up . Although she was up, she did not feel completely awake. She was constantly yawning and looked really tired. So, we decided tot to interrupt her and let her sleep for a bit. After a while, Claudia called Ryan and too rushed to the hospital. We were impatiently waiting outside the door when Ryan came in through the hallways. He was breathing heavily. It seemed as if he ran the entire way here.

We waited for about an hour. Then the nurse told us that she was completely awake now and we could go talk to her.  We went into the room and Natasha was staring outside from the window. She appeared to be in deep thoughts. I realized that it was a really tough time for her. So, I did not want to force her to answer any questions. I just wanted to comfort her and wanted her to get well soon as soon as possible. Claudia approached her and said, "Hey Natasha. So, how are you doing ?"

Natasha looked at Claudia and looked really happy to see us. She said, "Thanks guys for coming to see me here. i was feeling really lonely. The only person who used to come in were my parents and the nurse. And I did not feel like having a long talk with either of them. "

After hearing what she said, I impulsively said, "If that's the case, then I will come to meet you every day as far as possible. I know it is a difficult time here, getting admitted to the hospital out of the blue. So, as a friend that's the least I can do. And please don't deny it. You'll get bored alone and it won't be much of a problem if I am here."

Natasha smiled and said, "Okay. But, you've got to bring me flowers each day. Promise me."

I replied, "I promise."

Something felt off about the conversation. Although Natasha was smiling and laughing, every time I looked at her when she was listening to others speaking, it appeared as if she was hiding a really big fear behind the smile.

We took turns talking with Natasha and she seemed to really enjoy our company. It felt really good to meet her again face to face after a long time. Although it was not the place and state, I thought I would meet with her, it was still okay for me as long as she was still there and we could gaze into each others eyes and talk like nothing else matters.I was okay with being able to meet her and to look at her smile, the one that makes me forget all of my fears and problems.

After that we went home. I was kinda calm that she was alright. The next day, I went to the hospital again. On my way there, I bought a bouquet of white daisies to signify "Get well soon." When I reached there, she was taking a nap. Her mother went out to have lunch and told me to stay there with her. She said, " She would not want to wake up to an empty room. So, will you be a dear and look after her? "

While I was looking after her, i realized that Natasha looked very calm when she was sleeping. Even her breathing was calm and gentle. Just looking at her made my body feel relaxed and I felt a wild burst of strong emotions. I really could not help admire her. I got a strong feeling of wanting to protect her and always be with her regardless of the situation.

After she woke up, I greeted her. She immediately asked, "Did you bring me some flowers ?"

I said, "I have brought some daisies." and handed her the bouquet.

I had expected her to be happy, but instead she pouted and said, can't you bring anything interesting. I really did not understand what she wanted me to do. We had a really live conversation that day. Each day I would bring her flowers and she would always comment the same. Regardless of if I brought, lilies, daisies or and flower wishing her a good health, she would just scold me.

On the last day of my vacation, I brought her red rose and that was the day she did not scold me. Instead she burst into tears. Although she seemed to be carefree the other days, that day, she seemed scared. 

I asked her what happened. Then she hugged me and fell into my shoulders and said, "I really don't want to die, Ralph. I just want to be with you. I want to grow up with you and have a life with you. I want you to make me laugh and smile. I don't want it to end."

At that moment, I wanted to ask her what happened. But the emotions going on took over me. I started to shed tears and I said, "Natasha, I also want to be with you forever. I am ready to live for you and die for you. I am ready to do anything to stay along you and see that smile of yours. I want to spend hours listening to your beautiful voice and thinking about our the good time that we had."

We started to hold each other really tight as if we were telling god himself not to separate the two of us. Then I said, " Natasha, do you remember the time you asked me what I would choose if I had to choose between my aim and you. Isn't it obvious I would choose you. I am ready to do anything to be there with you. I am ready to face any odds to be there for you."

The conversation gradually become normal and both of us were speaking normally again. Then she said that she had an operation that night and she was worried about it. She told me, "If I die, promise me that you will move on and not do anything stupid with yourself." I ignored that part as I wanted to support her.

Although I wanted to be there for her operation, only close relatives were allowed there. So, I had to return home. The whole night I was praying for the success of her successful recovery. The next day, I went to the hospital and got the biggest shock of my life. One that would change my life forever. It was a reality I did not want to accept. A part of my life I wanted to be away from. Natasha was dead and I could do nothing about it. The moment i heard the news, tears fell from my eyes and I felt a deep pain in my heart.

(Final Chapter : Reminiscence.)