If I Fall

Chapter Nine

Kenai and Lizzy flew back to Hawaii two weeks later despite Lizzy's obvious need to stay in Sydney. The farewell was bittersweet, but April promised to fly over during her study break and knew Kenai would hold her up to it.

April felt empty with Lizzys departure. Don't get me wrong, she loves Roger but Lizzy gave her a shift in perspective. April chuckled wondering what she was going to do with the baby cot that she bought for Lizzy. Perhaps let it sit in the garage until she could gift it to someone. Or if Kaea ever needs a new one.

April finished getting ready for uni and left the house ten minutes later. She sent Roger a text letting him know she was on her way.

April had no experience in love prior to Roger but she knew enough to be careful. She heard the stories from her friends and even believed men in the movies really existed in real life, the good and the bad. She needed to remind herself that she loved Roger and not just the attention that he brought.

Once her lecture finished, she noticed Roger hadn't texted back yet. She had one more tutorial before she could leave campus. April tried her hardest not to overthink, he was probably busy.

Roger usually picked her up on Thursdays yet he was nowhere to be seen after the end of her day. April ignored any negative thoughts again and took the train home. The train ride was annoying, filled with school kids and delinquents who had no respect for the public. She put her earphones in and braced for the long train ride home. April decided to go home only to pick up her car and then drive over to Rogers house. 

She checked her phone frequently waiting for Roger to text back or call her. She blew up his phone but stopped a few hours ago. If Roger wanted to reply then he would've, right? But maybe he's just busy.

He's just busy.

April parked out front seeing as another car took up the other car space in the driveway. He must be home. She opened the door with the spare key to find a quiet house. She scanned through the kitchen and living rooms yet found nothing. Walking past one of the spare room,  the light snoring caught her attention.

Roger was asleep on the bed and reeked of alcohol. She tied her hair up into a ponytail knowing that soothing this guy was not going to be easy. April lightly woke him up and was met the unpleasant smell of heavy alcohol. 

"Hey babe" Roger began to lean and caused both the two to fall to the ground.

"What happened" April was grouchy from the fact that she had no idea he had been drinking. She excused herself and went into his bathroom to run the shower for him. Once she put him in the shower, she laid out a fresh pair of clothes for him and began cooking him food.

Despite the three year age gap, April took care of him like a little kid sometimes, although she never minded. 

Roger introduced himself back into the kitchen half an hour later and was now feeling way better. He admired April from the counter behind him as she continued cooking. April was the only person who used his kitchen seeing as Roger was only capable of making toast.

Ten minutes later, the couple sat on the dining table and began eating.

"What happened" She stared at him again.

Roger had explained that he and Sefa visited a new club owned by Sefa's cousin. Roger accompanied Sefa and a short visit turned into a night filled with drinks and bright lights. April had no idea about this and yet this didn't anger her. Roger braced himself for the yelling to start yet April stayed quiet. 

"Are you okay" he reached over and began rubbing her hands.

"Yeah... I was just worried" she shrugged avoiding eye contact. Roger gestured her to come over and placed her on his lap, hugging her. He began apologising and whispering sweet nothings into her ear. He thanks God for giving him such an understanding and an amazing woman. April got up and cleared the table and then excused herself into the study room that she made to work on the upcoming assignment that was due.

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April left Rogers house after sundown and continued to drive. She couldn't shake the thought of the smell of female cologne on Roger. It wasn't anything she owned. Or the pair of heels that were in the spare room with him. Why didn't she say anything to him? Possibly because of fear, she didn't want to know the truth. April fought off the negative thoughts all the way to Jason's grave just to think and talk with him. 

"Hey bro" April smiled taking a seat near his grave. 

"I wish I knew what you think about me and Roger. Truth be told, I would've trusted your judgement over my own heart because somehow you always knew what was right. I have never done this before and I really wish you were here to help me out with guy troubles. Or Liz. I really wish she was here but I know she'd prefer it up there with you and Jeremiah. Did you know that Jerry had a twin? A beautiful baby girl. Kenai and baby Lizzy moved in with Vera and Mia. I'm sure that little girl will have more than enough for life. They were here last week and I wish they stayed longer. I'm happy Kenai's still in our lives, he really did love Liz. Christian is still the same old but he's slowly growing up into my little big brother. He actually likes his new school now. Uni is okay for me I guess. I'm almost finishing my course and I really wish you were here." April sat in silence and just soaked up the environment. She knew Roger was listening to her.

The stars decorated the night sky which made April feel more at peace. There were days where all she wanted was to be reunited with her brother and cousin, but they knew April still had a lot ahead of her. Talking to Jason diminished every negative thought April had of Roger.

Little did she know, the moment she began tolerating all these hidden troubles, the more frequent they popped up.

In the following weeks, Rogers "sneaking around" and lies only grew thicker yet April had not found the courage to speak up. Fewer text messages. April barely saw him. Roger always made excuses about work and knowing well enough the boys would cover for him if April had any questions. Although April chose to leave everyone out of it. If Roger didn't want to tell her, she didn't want to find out from anyone else. 

April continued to be the polite girl she was and continued to go through her days. Attending all her lectures and tutorials, picking up Elijah a few times a week and spending time with him. She didn't allow Roger to send her into a depressed mood just because out of nowhere, he started to ignore her.

Was this really normal in a relationship?

Whilst April distanced herself from Roger, she realised Roger only spoke to her at times where it suited him the most. He wouldn't free up time to talk to her or call up to make plans to see her or even rock up to her house. He would blatantly text her when he felt like it and then go back to ignoring her for hours before texting her again. 

April was home alone whilst Chris was at school and her mother at bingo so it left her with a few hours before her gym class. She heard a knock at the door and was met with Jimmy.

"Hey bro" April hadn't seen Jimmy or the other boys in over a month and I'm sure everyone knew why.

"Mind if I come in and we can talk whilst you cook me a feed?" Jimmy grinned from ear to ear as April laughed shaking her head. Jimmy took a seat on the dining table as April began cooking. 

"So what's going on with you and Roger?"

April felt like this was weird.

Jimmy most likely knew things down on Rogers end so was he sent here to see my point of view? To see whether I would openly expose my feelings and leave me vulnerable?

"That's your friend. Ask him yourself. I'm still the same. Still acting the same, still talking to him like nothings wrong" April shrugged.

April was annoyed. Not at anyone else but Roger.