If I Fall

Chapter Eleven

April did something drastic. One morning she decided to book the first flight available to Hawaii and met at the airport later that night. She wasn't going to settle for Roger texting her whenever he pleased or spending the least amount of time with it. She wasn't having it. A trip to Hawaii to visit her niece and family would suffice and make her feel ultimately better. 

April was met with Kenai the following day at the airport who seemed pleased yet confused to see her.

"What happened?" Kenai took her suitcase off her.

"Nothing. Literally, nothing has changed since the last time we spoke" April shrugged following Kenai to the car. Baby Lizzy was at the daycare so April and Kenai had a few hours to kill before they had to pick her up.

April filled Kenai in on everything, trying to involve everything she did so she didn't paint him out as the villain. He wasn't the villain in her story. Maybe he was just lost.  Kenai took April to a cafe out in Makaha.

"Do you still love him?" Kenai broke the silence as April tried to avoid the obvious. April nodded, thinking of herself as an idiot for still loving him. Kenai knew the best person April could've asked for help was Liz, because Liz knew exactly what April was feeling like.

"The male race is a different breed. Sometimes we are good and sometimes we are blinded by a good woman who we think she will stay with us and continue to love us no matter what wrongs we commit." - Kenai. April nodded, knowing Kenai was right. 

April felt pity towards the fact that Kenai realised this too late. She missed her cousin dearly and knew Kenai would miss her for as long as he was breathing. She admired the friendship that grew between the two because it meant Kenai had someone to lean on when things were getting overwhelming and April had the same. 

The next stop was the cemetery to visit Liz. April enjoyed the scene in Hawaii because it always calmed her down and the ocean was something she enjoyed. The two stayed at the cemetery and spoke to Liz for a bit before retreating to go and pick up baby Lizzy. 

April allowed all these distractions to take her away from the problems she had back home. Like Liz, all she needed was a short break away from home to cheer up her mood. 

Lizzy was ecstatic to see her aunty. The two clicked since the first time they met and Lizzy grew fond of her aunty in a matter of minutes. April loved her niece and enjoyed being around her because she reminded her of her cousin. She knew Lizzy was going to grow up to be an amazing woman and couldn't wait to see that. 

Whilst everyone was at home watching movies April heard her phone buzz.

Call me we need to talk

Kenai must've sensed the distraught coming from Liz because he then took her phone off her.

"Talk to him later. Say your piece and let him talk. See what happens from there" he turned his attention back to the tv. April knew Kenai was right. Heck, he was only two years older from Christian yet he acted older than April. The epiphany that came with trying to live without Liz was something that Kenai turned into the experience just so no one would feel the same way. And Kenai wasn't going to allow April to be in the position he is in now. 

Later that night Vera came home with April's favourite Hawaiian delicacy, Loco moco. The family ate dinner and spoke about anything and everything. April pitched the idea of sending Mia over to Sydney for a holiday which only made Mia scream with excitement. The family had caught up on everything that happened since the last time they were all together, at Jason's funeral. 

April had finally put Lizzy to sleep, smiling because she was such a hyperactive child. April noticed Kenai sitting out front on the hammock, staring at the night sky and the full moon. He was probably thinking, and April knew who of.

"She's proud of you. She's not here but we both know she still loves you and is so proud of you" April sat outside on one of the deck chairs.

"I won't ever stop missing her" Kenai forcefully smiled as he stared up at the moon. 

April grew fearful. She could not imagine what Kenai went through when he lost Liz. All the sorrow and regret. She wouldn't know what she would do if she lost Roger, yet the hours' Roger ignored her only taught her to live without him. April did not want this. She did not want to know what it was like to lose Roger and wished with her whole heart that Roger felt the same.

Yet he didn't. 

If he was afraid of losing April then he wouldn't act the way he was. And no amount of love or attention that April was ever going to give him would make him see that. You cannot force love. 

Aprils phone began to rang, with Rogers name and photo showing on the caller ID.

"Answer it. Good luck. I'll go check on Lizzy" Kenai rubbed Aprils shoulder before walking back inside the house. Aprils heart began pounding while her fingers shook, she was nervous. 

She didn't want to say the wrong thing and make Roger angry at her. And she didn't want to lose him. She was so terrified to lose him. April swallowed the lump in her throat and pressed the 'accept' button. 

Roger - Hey

His voice seemed gentle. In the single word he said, April already knew he was most likely lying in bed staring at the ceiling overthinking. And that he wasn't drunk whatsoever. That is how well she knew her other half. 

April - Hi.

April felt sad. She despised what they had become and missed Roger more than she would allow herself to admit.

Roger - I miss you.

(CUEEE pressing the mute button so April could scream into the phone)

April smiled hearing those words. She longed to hear them for over a month and wished he meant it. Was he only saying this because she wasn't 10 minutes away anymore? Or that she stopped blowing up his phone waiting for him to reply?

April - I miss you too

Roger - When are you coming home?

April knew Roger was referring to his house. It was their home together even though April still lived with her mother. She tried he best to soldier on and ignore her emotional and physical desires because she needed to tend to her mental needs first. And Roger needed to know that. 

April - In a week.

Roger - A, I'm so sorry.

April shook her head. She was familiar with this apology because it came like clockwork. She wasn't going to accept his verbal apology and then let his actions disregard the apology as a whole. 

April - You're always saying this. And then you never change. You apologise for the same things over and over again.

Roger- I love you 

(I mean what is it with guys? They think these three words would solve everything?)

April closed her eyes trying to ground herself again. She couldn't succumb to his words anymore and accept the way he continued to treat her. Those three words are the words people long to hear, especially from the person you love. But why wasn't it enough for April?

April - I love you too

Roger - Please come home

April let a tear out in frustration. All she wanted to do was jump through the phone and into Rogers arms. She wanted nothing more than to be with him. How does one infatuate you so much that you feel this way and want nothing else in the world? How did this turn one-sided, where Roger was nowhere near feeling the same way?

April - I need to go. I'll talk to you later. Goodnight.

Before Roger could reply, she hung up. A mountain of tears burst out as she tucked her phone into her pocket. How do two people who were insanely in love turn into this? Turn into something so "normal". April wished she had more experience in the "love" department because she had nothing to compare this feeling to. Roger was the first person to ever break her heart.