Mirrors and Shatters - Johnlock - Trans!Sherlock x John - Sherlock bbc

Chapter 1 - John

Sherlock placed his bow on the strings of his old violin. No matter how old the instrument was it still played wonders for the man. He stared out of the window onto the busy London streets. The dark London sky was lit by thousands of small specks of stars. Like specks of white paint flicked onto a black canvas.
He pressed his fingers onto the strings playing the different notes. The song reminded him of his flat mate and best friend, John. The sound was so pleasing to the dark haired man's ears it reminded him of the remarks John would say after Sherlock finished one of his witty deductions.
It was nice and Sherlock Holmes slightly smiled as he closed his eyes enjoying the sound he played. That was until John came thundering up the stairs of 221B Baker Street.
Sherlock turned to see the shorter sandy blond man hold bags of groceries.
"That song you just played... it was nice" the shorter man stated as he began to put the bags of items away.
Sherlock mumbled a thanks as he went back to playing the string instrument. Sherlock always found himself wanting to be praised and cared for by Dr. Watson. He often adored when the two were watching some crap Telly in the evenings when there was nothing for Sherlock to experiment with or if he wasn't in the mood for tuning his violin and John would twirl and play with his dark brownish black curls. Or when in the morning the two would drink their tea and look though the newspapers and check the blog for any cases.
Sherlock continued to look out spin the streets seeing the cars and people pass by. Perhaps there would be a nice murder in one of the alleyways near by in the morning for the detective to investigate.
"Sherlock, I'm going to bed." John shouted out to the violinist. Sherlock took his bow from the string and placed it on his arm chair with his violin.
"Goodnight John..."

Sherlock looked up at the ceiling of his room. It was a bland flat color and Sherlock felt the plush mattress under him. His hand traced over the curves on his body and he spat in disgust. He despised sleeping alone, if you could call laying in bed and feeling uncomfortable sleeping. His shoulders weren't wide and masculine enough, the curves of his body weren't good enough, the parts between his legs and the scars under his chest were reminders of what he was born as. No matter how much Hormone Therapy and surgeries there would be.
There was always a mirror reflecting a woman back at him.

Hello my lovelies. If you are taking the time to read this message I just want to remind you that you are loved and amazing. I decided to write this fanfiction not only because I adore the stories written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and the bbc adaptation but because I suffer from a lot of gender dysphoria. I'm a trans man and a character I've always related to were the outcasted, nerdy, logical characters and one of those characters is Sherlock Holmes. I find myself whenever I'm feeling like shit reading TransSherlock fanfiction because I relate to the character and now they have the same struggles as I do. I decided to write this explaining my emotions and my experience through this lovely fictional character and I hope that I can help someone who is struggling too. I hope this wasn't too long of an authors note.
But I love y'all and goodbye!
- Umber