Mirrors and Shatters - Johnlock - Trans!Sherlock x John - Sherlock bbc

Chapter 12 - Downhill

TW: Self harm, rape, drugs

Sherlock curled up in bed. Mycroft recently bought him some clothes and a new binder which was nice. He was cramping really bad however. He let out a groan. He slipped out of the bed and grabbed the loose floor board. He opened the secret compartment and took the small blade out. Just as he pressed the blade to his skin Mycroft entered.
"Sherlock!" Mycroft rushed to his younger brother taking the blade away and putting the floor board back. It was tiring to see Sherlock upset and tearing at his skin. He began to treat the cut. It had been a year since the incident and Sherlock had been homeschooled.
Sherlock was turning 15 soon and Mycroft began to worry. He really needed Sherlock to stop with the cutting. It was getting tiring treating the new cuts and having to pry the blades from his hands. Mycroft had to search every inch of his brother's room every time he came home to visit.

"Sherlock. I need to speak with you." Mycroft stated walking into his brothers room. Sherlock currently has a bunch of newspapers laid out in front of him. Clippings cut out and pinned to the wall.
"Leave me alone I'm trying to think." Sherlock swiftly said picking up one of the newspapers and circling something in red pen.
"Sherlock this is urgent!" Mycroft said pulling Sherlock away from the papers.
"We need to do something about your cutting. You need to stop it is so harmful and you need a better stress reliever." Sherlock pulled away and looked back to the newspapers. Mycroft had left the room however he did not close the door. Sherlock didn't notice as all he could focus on was Carl Powers. Something was very wrong with this picture and he was going to figure out what. Mycroft returned to the room with a small dish with an ice cube and red food coloring. Mycroft walked over to Sherlock pulling him away from the Carl Powers case.
"Sherlock, I've been doing some research and I want to show you something." Mycroft sat Sherlock down on the bed. He put a drop of red food dye onto the ice and then pulled up Sherlock's pant leg. Tons of scars were there some were new some were old. He put the ice on Sherlock's skin and dragged it down it left red stained water behind which drizzled down his brother's leg. The cold ice gave Sherlock almost the same feeling as cutting.

For a while things were going good. Sherlock would use this method whenever he had the urge to place the blade along himself. Sometimes he would relapse, but that was part of recovery. It wasn't going to be easy. He had turned 18 and was going to University. Sherlock has decided to major in chemistry, it helped calm him so why not progress in it. Sherlock passed every class he took with flying colors. Sherlock hid his biological sex well, he would speak in the lowest voice he possibly could, he wore baggy clothes, and he already looked quite masculine. However many of his fellow peers despised him, for his little "trick" of deduction. Friends were something rare, something Sherlock knew he would never get his hands on. That was until he met a man, Sherlock had deleted the man's name out of anger and heart break. The man at first seemed very kind to the young man. Of course Sherlock was desperate for friends he trusted him. Sherlock grew close to him even telling him his little secret. That was when things changed and the man offered Sherlock something, cocane. Soon Sherlock latched onto his 7% dosages. He would experiment taking different drugs at the same time. One day, a week before Sherlock would graduate, he was horribly high, he was on the verge of passing out when the man had rid Sherlock of cloth.
Sherlock was sexually assaulted for the second time in his life just then. Sherlock stopped spending time with the man cutting himself off. He barely graduated.
Mycroft attended the ceremony and saw how in shambles his younger brother was. Mycroft hadn't seen his brother like this when he wasn't crying or cutting late at night. He looked awful, there were bags under his eyes, his hair was a mess of curls which had reached halfway down his neck. His eyes were red as if he was crying for a while.
Mycroft brought his brother to his house. It wasn't very large or very small but it was quite formal. Mycroft lead Sherlock to the room he would be staying in until Sherlock managed to get his own place. The young boy didn't speak at all this entire time which worried Mycroft.
"Sherlock?" Mycroft asked concerned walking towards the younger. Sherlock then looked at Mycroft and soon the tears began to fall. They slipped down his face and Mycroft pulled Sherlock into a hug.
"It's ok Bumblebee, it's alright..." Mycroft softly said to his distressed brother.
That night Mycroft checker Sherlock for new scars and what he found on Sherlock's arm terrified him. The scars from the 7% drug solution that Sherlock had become addicted to.
"Oh Sherlock... what've you done..." he held his brother tightly in his arms. He sobbed even harder, Mycroft rubbed his back. That night was a night that Mycroft would never forget.

Hello everyone! Sorry I haven't been posting lately. My mental health has been rocky as I've been on vacation. Vacation for some people is relaxing and fun but for me it's so stressful being away from the barn and I'm sleeping and staying in this loft area which has like no curtain or door so I have 0 privacy. But I decided it's about time I updated this fic. So first this to note is that the coping mechanism Mycroft gives Sherlock is actually something that has helped people. And if you are currently struggling with self harm or if you have someone who you know is struggling maybe try this method. Then came the drugs, it's a known fact that Sherlock is a drug addict and soon I would have to mention how he got into this addiction. Then I also wanted to have him experience sexual assault once more. Mainly because BEING HIGH, DRUNK, WEARING "REVEALING" CLOTHING IS NOT CONSENT ITS NOT A REASON TO RAPE SOMEONE. I really wanted to include that, because it annoys me. People need to learn how to keep it in there pants. Then we have Mycroft finding out. The hair growing out was a clue to Sherlock being a drug addict too. As a trans man if my hair gets too long I feel awful and I get it cut as soon as possible. But here we have Sherlock growing out his hair, this means that Sherlock is spending money elsewhere, to the point where he can't even get his hair cut which prevents him from feeling super dysphoric. Also I have a question to ask y'all. I'm wondering on if making Sherlock pregnant with John's child would be a good idea. There has been cases where trans men have gone of Testosterone to have a child with their partner. And I really want to stress that if your pregnant or if you aren't on T or whatever it doesn't make you less of a man. As a trans man for some reason reading Sherlock Mpregs makes me feel better about myself because here we have this man having a child, having periods it makes me feel more of a man. Please respond with your thoughts on that.
Anyways toodles!
- Umber