𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐃𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐖𝐄𝐑⁰¹ʰᵉᵐᵐⁱⁿᵍˢ✓

¹⁹enough

clementine

There's something sort of freeing when you occasionally stray from your day-to-day routine, like enabling your life to have a breathing space, reminding yourself that not every day is the same - and it really shouldn't be.

Being with Luke feels like a breather.

My life is so constantly filled with going back and forth work and home that I feel burnt out now that I've taken a step back and spent some time with Luke.

I'm sure he works a lot as well, probably more than I, but he's able to be my breather and I could only hope I'm his.

"We slept all night here?" He asked, standing up and stretching his arms out, a yawn escaping his lips.

I shrugged. "It was more of a nap. I'm pretty sure it was three when we slept, and it's currently six," I picked up Darth and gave him a kiss atop his head, rubbing my nose on his with a playful smile.

I look up and see that he's admiring the skyline, eyes squinted as he tries to see faraway buildings.

Then a thought occurs to me.

He probably needs to be with his band right now, working on whatever they work on. Meaning, he has to leave.

The thought hurts me a bit but I can't help but recognise it as a fact.

"You probably need to be somewhere else," I say, standing up and keeping my eyes on Darth as I pet him, fearing that if I might look at Luke, I would find my answer. That he does want to go. "You probably have to work and... do stuff," I chuckle mostly to myself, at how ridiculous I'm being and how he probably sees me as this clown, parading in circles at her own confusing feelings and insecure thoughts.

"No, it's the weekend," He says and I feel his eyes on me. "Besides, the producer we're currently working with encouraged us to... well, not work for both Friday and Saturday."

I nod. "Oh, well, you probably want to roam New York with your guys. Don't let me keep you," I nervously laugh, gathering Sunny and Darth into my arms so we could get going.

As I turn to start heading to the exit, I feel his hand wrap around my arm, halting me in my place and forcing me to look back at him.

As expected, his eyes are a gorgeous blue that mimics the sky. I feel the butterflies erupt within me. Bad butterflies, knowing that he has better people to love than I - hands full of baggage and problems I never want to face.

If I let myself feel like this, sooner or later, someone gets hurt, and I don't ever want it to be me. It's always me when Aiden comes back, when he reminds me that I may not have been enough for him, when he tries to convince me that we had meant something.

Aiden worked in a club and he was able to get so many girls into his bed with his fuckboy attitude, all while I was in the same city. I can't possibly begin to imagine how painful it would be if Luke and I were together and he would get girls to bed as he travelled around the world. How many girls then?

How could I possibly be enough for him then?

"Did I say something? Do you want me to go?" He asks, something in his tone telling me I'd said something wrong.

I quickly shake my head. "No, not at all, of course not," I fully face him and realise how I must've sounded. "Wait - did I sound like I wanted you to go?"

He lets go of me and shrugs, shoving his hands into his pockets. "I don't know, you just sound like you're in a hurry to get rid of me." He tries to laugh it off but his tone falls short.

Fuck, I'm an asshole. And for what? Because I can't let myself feel for him just so it'll spare me heartbreak? God, I'm pathetic, selfish, even. "Luke," I say with a sigh, not knowing what to say next. What could I possibly say?

"I'm going to be honest here and say that..." I take a deep breath and look down at Darth, hoping that by avoiding his eyes would help me admit this faster. "I think there are much better people you could be spending time with. I'm just... I'm confused about why you're spending time with me." I bite down on my lip, suddenly regretting I'd ever said anything after a whole minute of silence between us. "You know what, never mind, forget it, I'm just... um... I'm going to -"

I feel his hand gently tip my chin, making me face him.

I look at him with wide eyes and he suddenly retracts his hand, covering his awkwardness with a choked up cough. "Sorry, I don't know why I... did that," He shakes his head and gives me a smile. "Point is, you're a pretty cool person,"

I cock a brow and scoff, not believing him in the slightest. "Sure,"

He chuckles. "No, you are. And, in return, I'll be honest with you too." He leans in, reaching his arm out and taking Darth from me, then down to the guitar and slinging the strap over one shoulder. "You're a great person who I can actually have a real conversation with who isn't Ashton, Michael, or Calum. For that, I'd rather kill my time on you than with anybody else,"

We stay this way for a moment, and I fight with myself, arguing on the fact if I'm really living through this or if I'm still asleep. I would pinch myself but I don't want to take the chance.

I look down, hiding away a flushed smile as I swallowed down what he said. "'Kill My Time' would be a great song title," I say, driving the subject away.

He laughs at this and I take a second to remind myself that this man, this diving thing, said he'd spend his time with me than with others. "We should go down,"

I nod, finally looking up and reaching for my bag, slinging it over my shoulder and following him towards the exit.

"Do you maybe want to get breakfast with me?" I ask as we walk down the stairs, our footsteps echoing throughout the whole room.

He turns back at me with his dimple-popping grin. "Sure, what are you making?"

I hop down one step, walking side by side with him. "My specialty. Cereals," I give a wide smile and he laughs.

"Oh? Is that some five-star restaurant meal?" He jokes back, nudging his shoulder with mine as his other hand mindlessly pet Darth's ginger fur.

"Only the best, Luke Hemmings."

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thank you guys so much for helping pw get to 25k. i havent been checking the reads in some time and it's ceeertainly a long way from 22k, which is what it was when i last saw it.
i'm so grateful for yall.

ily, stay safe, tpwk