Searching (Zuko x OC)

Chapter 18

Ever since Zuko had bandages my cuts, he had been acting weird around me. He wasn't avoiding me but he was more awkward than normal. I didn't know what to do in this situation. I was used to angry. I was used to the silent treatment. I was used to his mood swings. But this was something different altogether. I had never seen him act like this.

I spent most of my time relaxing so that my wounds would heal and I could resume training. I wanted more than anything to get back to it. I felt like a different person when I was just sitting around and doing nothing. I didn't like it. I was so used to working all the time that constantly relaxing made me feel comfortable.

"Sora, you've barely touched your food. Are you ok?" Iroh asked me.

"Oh. Yea I just got lost in my thoughts," I answered, smiling apologetically before resuming eating.

Zuko decided not to join us and instead wanted to track the Avatar down. Uncle was at his Pai Sho table and he was attempting to play a game with me. I sighed and began to make my next move.

"What's on your mind?" he asked, taking a bite of his own food.

I sighed, leaning my back against the chair as I looked at Iroh.

"Honestly too much for my own good. I can't remember the last time I had so much swirling around in my head at once," I answered, running my hand down my face.

"Why don't you start with the biggest one," he suggested.

I looked around the room once more to make sure nobody was inside. Once I was sure I turned back to Uncle.

"I haven't been able to stop thinking about what I did at the river. I know it was the right thing in my heart, but I can't get rid of the guilt I feel," I said quietly.

"Because of Zuko," he said, giving me a sad smile.

"Because of Zuko," I agreed before continuing, "I just can't get rid of the feeling that capturing the Avatar is wrong. He's just a kid. I don't feel right about what we're doing anymore, but Zuko's depending on this. It's what we've been working towards for 3 years. How can I call myself his friend after what I did?"

"You know, sometimes being a good friend isn't about blind support. It's about doing what you know is best for them, even if they don't agree," he said, taking another bite of his food.

"I just don't know what to do. Capturing him feels wrong. When the time comes that we meet him again, I just don't know which side to take," I admitted.

I let my head hang and I held it in my hands. I shook my head before looking back up at Uncle and continuing.

"Zuko is my best friend. I care for him so deeply. But I know that what he's looking for, he won't get. I know from my own experience," I admitted quietly.

"Does this have to do with your own family?" he asked softly.

I simply nodded. I didn't talk about my dad at all. Nobody except my mother and Ursa knew the story behind why my mother began working at the palace. I didn't talk about it with anyone. It was too painful for me.

"I cannot force you to share your story, but maybe it is time you shared it with Zuko. My nephew is a determined man, but he is also confused. You know that just as well as I do. He might be more willing to listen to advice if it came from you," he said.

I let his advice sink in. Was I really ready to share my story with Zuko?

"I think I'm going to go outside and think," I said with a small smile before I excused myself.

I walked out onto the deck and up to the balcony of the ship. I began to meditate and try to clear my head. I felt the waves push and pull as I began to concentrate. As I did, my mind drifted to a blank state. I felt myself drawn to a memory of the past. A memory of my mother.