We'll Be Okay (MCR x Reader)

Y/N

Y/N POV

These four boys are the only friends I've ever known. At this point, they're the only people I care about being friends with. I don't need stupid girls days with some stuck up bitches, going shopping or getting our nails done. No, I need days going on random adventures with my four favorite men.

We're almost never apart. Even if the whole group isn't together, I'm almost always with at least one of them. Even at night time, because they stay over quite frequently. That's why most people think I sleep with them, when that's not even close to true. They would never like me like that.

For fuck's sake, I haven't had sex with anyone. I haven't even kissed anyone. To be honest, there's no one that really interests me. Well, besides them, but I'd never tell them that. I guarantee they think of me as a sister or some shit.

That fact is what always sits in my mind. I'm helplessly in love with my four best friends that I will forever be family-zoned by all of them. Even if they did like me back, I wouldn't be able to pick one of them. So I'll just wallow in my self-pity for the rest of my life, I suppose.

Between that and thoughts of my past, I feel myself going downhill again. I'm sinking fast. I'd usually talk to one of them about it, but I don't want to bother them more than I already have. If my mom was home, I'd talk to her about it, but she isn't. I'm alone.

I hate this feeling, this feeling of drowning. I feel like I can't breathe anymore, I'm struggling to get back up, but the currents keep pushing me down. I hide it so easily these days that I'm not sure anyone even suspects it.

I vowed to Frank that I would never cut again, and it's really hard to fight it sometimes, but I do it for him. I know all of them would be disappointed in me for not talking to them about my depressive episodes, but I don't know, I guess I feel like I'll drag them under with me.

It's currently midnight. Mom is working third shift, my brother is asleep, and none of the boys are here. They're probably all sleeping right now anyway. I so desperately need to do something to take my mind off of this, but I don't have the energy to do it. Even the stuff I love to do sounds so unappealing.

I finally said fuck it and got up. I slipped on some leggings and a hoodie, put my shoes on, grabbed my keys and pocket knife, and quietly left the house. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I couldn't stay here.

I was stuck in my thoughts as I wandered the empty streets of our town. All the houses on the block were dark. Well, almost every house. As I walked near Frank's house, I noticed his bedroom light on. I didn't want to bother him, but I didn't want to disappoint him either.

I walked up to his house and climbed the tree by his window, gently knocking on it as I reached the thick branch beside it. I heard his quiet footsteps slowly come closer, maybe a little cautiously. 

"It's just me, dude." I spoke. His window quickly opened once he heard my voice. "Hey."

"Hey. Come in, I don't need you falling." He moved aside, but kept his hands out for me to grab if I needed them. I crawled through the window almost effortlessly. It wasn't until I was in that I noticed he was barely dressed.

"Nice boxers, Frank. Red really is your color." I smirked, causing him to blush heavily.

"Right, shit, sorry." He sprinted across the room and quickly threw his sweatpants on. He still didn't have a shirt, but it's nothing I haven't seen before. "So what brings you here this late? Uh, not that I mind or anything."

"I'm just- I'm just in one of my moods again. I feel like I'm sinking." I threw myself onto his bed and sighed. "I just want to be okay, you know?"

He came over and laid down beside me like we usually do when we have our talks.

"You didn't-"

"No, I didn't cut. I wouldn't break my promise to you." I whispered as I looked over at him. "You can check if you don't believe me. I mean, I saw you in your underwear tonight. I'd have to show mine for you to check my thighs."

"Oh, shut up." He rolled his eyes. "Is there something in particular bothering you?"

Lie. I have to lie.

"Nope, just the usual teenage hormones I guess." I sighed. 

"C'mere." He moved his arm above my head, allowing me to curl up into his chest. "Do you wanna stay? I can go call your mom."

"Yeah, if you don't mind. I just really don't want to be alone right now." He stood up and quietly made his way downstairs while I continued to lay on his bed.

Loving all four of them hurts, especially on nights like this. If I would be feeling like this two years ago, I'd be crying, but I just don't cry anymore. I don't really know why, I just don't. When I feel like this, I just go numb.

I got back up and kicked my shoes off, then went to his dresser and pulled out some pajama pants. I didn't hear the door open back up as I stripped out of my leggings, but I guess this is revenge? Karma, maybe?

"Oh, shit, sorry." He panicked as he quickly looked away.

"It's fine, payback I guess?" I chuckled.

"Yeah, well, I literally just saw your entire ass. Aren't those uncomfortable? It's like all the way up your bu-"

"Frank." I cut him off.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"Shut up." We both laughed as I pulled the pants on. "Hope you enjoyed the view."

"Not completely complaining." He smirked. I didn't know how to respond, what did he mean by that?

"Jackass." I punched his arm and moved back towards the bed. I plopped down and stripped out of my hoodie.

"If you're gonna strip for me, can you at least take me to dinner first?" He joked. 

"Strippers don't take people out on dates before stripping for random strangers." I shrugged.

"Ah, but I am not a random stranger and you are not a stripper." I internally panicked. Is he insinuating something? Does he want to go on a date? What about the others? But do they like me? 

"That you know of." I smirked. "Now can we please go to sleep? I'm tired." 

"Fine." He sighed. We went back to laying like we were before, me curled into his chest. He turned the lamp on his nightstand off and pulled the blanket over us. "Goodnight."

"Night." 

I laid in there in the dark for a bit, fake sleeping after a few minutes.

"Y/N? Are you awake?" He whispered, but I didn't answer. "I'll take that as a no. God, I wish I could just tell you how I feel. I know the others feel this way too. I wish you knew how much I truly love you, but I know you don't feel the same." He paused for a moment.

"I know you're asleep and will never hear any of this. I just wish it were different, you know? If I didn't have competition, if I was maybe taller and cooler, maybe you would love me back." He sniffled.

Was all of this true? Did he love me? Do the others? What do I do, I don't want him to cry over me, but I don't want to hurt the others either.

Fuck it.

"Don't cry, Frank. I love you too. Don't ever think you are anything less than perfect." I whispered into his chest.

"Shit, you heard all that." He nearly gasped.

"This is what's been on my mind, why I'm in a mood. Everything is so complicated and I don't want to hurt anyone or make things awkward." I stopped, looking up at him, "But I do love you."

The moonlight shining through the window showed the bright smile on his face. Without a second thought, I crashed my lips into his. Neither of us were experienced, so it was a bit awkward at first, but we eventually figured it out.

"Wow." I whispered after pulling away.

"Big wow," he pecked my lips one last time before we settled back into bed, "So do we keep this a secret then?"

"Yeah, I think we should."