We'll Be Okay (MCR x Reader)

Thoughts

A/N

Hey! This is probably gonna be short but I tried. This is the last thing I began writing before I disappeared and it was way darker before I edited it just now. Now that I'm healing, writing this was harder, aka why it's not super long. I don't really want to accidentally slip so yeah.

Trigger Warning: Depressive Episodes and Thoughts of Self-Harm

Y/N POV

Frank and I have been secretly dating for a week now. It was nice when it was just us, but when the rest of the guys were there, it was weird. I still love all of them, but I feel like I'm cheating on him if I do. He assures me it's fine, he knows this and he accepts it, but I just don't know.

I guess I'm just conflicted. I've always been a loyal person, which is partially why I've been friends with them for so long. Even after some of the arguments we've all had, we've never ended anything. I've always apologized for my mistakes, forgiven them for whatever they'd done. It's just a thing.

I just didn't know how to feel. It felt nice knowing I'm loved in the same way, but I feel like I'm not good enough. They deserve normal, happy relationships. But at the same time, I don't want to leave Frank. I don't want to leave any of them. 

I just want to leave this world.

I stayed home from school today, claimed I was sick. I told Frank and the rest of the guys to go today, that I would be fine, but I am pretty fucking far from fine. I'm slipping again and I feel like there's nothing I can do to stop it.

Deep down I knew what I was doing would be idiotic. The guys, especially Frank, would pin it on themselves, but the urges were to strong. The knife was calling to me again and I couldn't resist it any longer.

I moved from my bed for the first time since I woke up to pee this morning. I grabbed my sharpened pocket knife, along with gauze and alcohol wipes, and sat back down on my bed. I cried as I lifted the knife to my skin. 

"Doing this would hurt the people I love most, why am I doing this?" I whispered to myself. Before I could give in, I threw the knife across the room. I threw clean clothes on, then ran downstairs to the phone, where I then dialed the school's number.

"Hello?" The secretary said after the first ring.

"Hi, there's been a family emergency and my son, Frank Iero, needs to be released. May I please talk to him?"

"Yes, one moment, I'll page him."

I waited for what felt like hours before hearing his voice.

"Mom? What's going on?"

"It's not actually your mom, it's Y/N. I need you or one of the others or all of you over here now. Jenga." Mentioning our codeword - Jenga - would ensure that they would get here as fast as humanly possible. It was our codeword for mental breakdown.

"I'll be there in five minutes, okay? I love you."

"I love you too." I began to cry again as I hung up the phone.

I did anything I could do to distract myself while I waited, but most of it consisted of crying and pacing. When my front door opened, revealing all four boys, I crumbled. Frank ran quickly enough to stop me from completely collapsing and the others followed.

"It's gonna be okay, I promise." He whispered as he rocked me. I clung onto him like my life depended on it, and it truly did. 

When I opened my eyes, Frank was still holding me, and the others were sitting on the opposite side of me. I could see the worry in all of their eyes, something I hated more than anything.

"I fought it off. I fought it." I whispered over and over.

"I'm proud of you, honey." He replied. "Do you want to move to the couch? It's a lot comfier than the floor."

"Yes, please." When I struggled to get up, he lifted me up and carried me over instead. The boys followed in silence, knowing not to overwhelm me with questions right now. Ray disappeared for a moment, then reappearing with a glass of water, which I thanked him for.

"Hey, do you want pizza?" Gerard asked softly.

"That'd be great." I replied, voice a little hoarse from sobbing. He stood, leaving the room to order the pizza.

"I'm sorry, guys." I whispered.

"Hey, don't apologize. There's nothing to be sorry for, okay?" Mikey reassured me.

We spent the rest of the day like this; eating pizza and relaxing. I just hoped my mother wouldn't ask questions.